


Incompatible

by Margaret0150



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Addiction, Alternate Universe - College/University, Astrology, Bisexuality, F/M, Harry Styles Loves Louis Tomlinson, Harry is an Aquarius, Imprisonment, Larry Stylinson Is Real, Liam is a Virgo, Louis Tomlinson Loves Harry Styles, Louis is a Capricorn, Love Compatibility, M/M, Mystery, Niall is a Virgo, Secrets, We kind of share that really, Zayn is a Capricorn, Zodiac, a little bit of smut, gets a little dark, harry works in a bakery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:42:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 92,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25102609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Margaret0150/pseuds/Margaret0150
Summary: Harry starts his first year at Ashbourne Zodiac University, while Louis returns to the school for his second year. Over the course of two semesters, Harry, Louis, and their friends struggle to stay focused on their studies—and their new relationships—when they begin to uncover dark secrets about the Zodiac city in which they live.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1 (Prologue)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader...
> 
> Hello, you lovely human being, you.
> 
> First off, thanks for giving this story a chance. It makes me happy that people actually want to read my writing, so thank you.
> 
> Second, I just wanted to insert a short disclaimer here before you start reading. The prologue of this story is a bit overwhelming. It includes a lot of information about the setting in which the story takes place and mainly serves to help my readers understand where Louis and Harry are exactly in this story. If you can't get through the full prologue at first, that's okay. You can always refer back to it while you're reading the story for background information on the setting.
> 
> So basically, I realize the prologue can feel like a bit too much at first, but I promise the story gets going in the first chapter.
> 
> Another point: the POV shifts back and forth between Harry and Louis in the chapters. The chapters are labeled with either Harry or Louis so that any confusion can be avoided.
> 
> With that, I send you on your way! Hope you enjoy the story, and have a good day/night :) 
> 
> Thanks again xx

March 28, 2013

Dear Harry,

Congratulations! On behalf of the Ashbourne Zodiac University community, I am pleased to inform you of your admission for Fall 2013.

The academic and personal accomplishments you have already achieved within your school and community reflect what we value, respect, and expect in our students. You can be proud to have joined a select group of students at AZU. We are dedicated to helping you achieve academic success and fulfill your educational goals while you are a student on our campus.

As I am sure you are already aware, all admitted students at AZU automatically receive a full-ride scholarship, which will cover all of your tuition and room & board expenses over the course of the next four years. You will be contacted at a later date by our financial aid office to go over this information in more detail.

In the coming months, you can expect to receive additional information regarding the admissions process and your first-year orientation experience next fall.

For now, here is some helpful information to consider:

—As an Aquarius, you will be assigned a room in the Air House dorm building on campus. Your assigned roommate will also be a first-year Aquarius. Please stand by for further details.

—As an Aquarius, your sign color is: Dark blue. As an AZU student and temporary resident of Ashbourne Zodiac City, you are expected to wear at least one article of clothing containing this color at all times. Please plan accordingly.

—First-year move-in day is scheduled for Monday, September 2. Specific move-in times will be released at a later date.

—First-year orientation will take place from Tuesday, September 3 - Wednesday, September 4. Specific details regarding the orientation schedule will be released at a later date. Classes begin on Thursday, September 5.

—If you haven't done so already, please take some time to browse through the AZU website (https://ashbournezodiacuniversity.edu). This site offers valuable information for all AZU students and will help you plan for your first-year experience. Attached to this letter is a handout containing Frequently Asked Questions regarding the AZU experience as well as living in Ashbourne Zodiac City for first-year students.

Once again, congratulations on your acceptance! We look forward to seeing you on campus next September. If you have any questions or concerns, don't hesitate to contact our admissions office at admissions@azu.edu.

Sincerely,

James Corderley

Director of Admissions

**Ashbourne Zodiac City & Ashbourne Zodiac University: Frequently Asked Questions**

**What is the history behind Ashbourne Zodiac City?**

Ashbourne Zodiac City (also known simply as Ashbourne) was founded in 2007, becoming the first Zodiac city to be opened in the UK. Pitlochry Zodiac City was opened a year later, in 2008, in Scotland. Ashbourne is currently the only Zodiac city in England. Its foundation was inspired by the opening of three Zodiac cities in the United States in 2001. Since Ashbourne's opening, the city's population has grown steadily. The city's current population is 51,328.

**How are Zodiac cities different from traditional cities?**

Zodiac cities operate under the principles of the Zodiac, a Western astrological system originally developed by the Babylonians. Zodiac citizens are labeled and categorized by their respective Zodiac signs and are encouraged to pursue educational, job-related, and social opportunities based on their sign. Zodiac cities employ personnel who ensure the cooperation of their citizens in adhering to city standards based on the Zodiac system. People who are interested in becoming a resident of a Zodiac city must first submit an application and be accepted by the Zodiac city housing department. Upon obtaining residence, Zodiac citizens must reside within the city limits for a period of at least two years. Zodiac citizens are not allowed to leave the city limits unless granted special permission. Zodiac citizens are free to connect virtually with loved ones living outside of the city limits. Non-Zodiac citizens may arrange to visit Zodiac city residents in the visitation area of the city, located near the city's main entrance.

**How does residence work for Ashbourne Zodiac University students?**

Students who are accepted at AZU do not need to apply separately for residency in Ashbourne. AZU students are expected to remain on campus from September through May and are encouraged, but not required, to remain in Ashbourne during their summer holiday. Students may go where they please within the city limits in Ashbourne but must live on the AZU campus during their time as students. Upon graduation, students may choose to apply for residency in Ashbourne or live outside of Ashbourne.

**What are the Zodiac signs?**

There are twelve Zodiac signs in total, each one corresponding to a different set of dates. Each sign represents a different constellation of stars located along the ecliptic, the apparent path of the Sun across the celestial sphere over the course of the year. (For more detailed astronomical information about the Zodiac constellations, please visit the Ashbourne Zodiac City website: https://ashbournezodiaccity.gov.)

The following is a list of the Zodiac signs, their corresponding element, and their respective dates. The set of dates containing the date of your birthday corresponds to your sign.

 **Aries (Fire):** Mar. 21 - Apr. 19

 **Taurus (Earth):** Apr. 20 - May 20

 **Gemini (Air):** May 21 - June 20

 **Cancer (Water):** June 21 - July 22

 **Leo (Fire):** July 23 - Aug. 22

 **Virgo (Earth):** Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

 **Libra (Air):** Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

 **Scorpio (Water):** Oct. 23 - Nov. 21

 **Sagittarius (Fire):** Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

 **Capricorn (Earth):** Dec. 22 - Jan. 19

 **Aquarius (Air):** Jan. 20 - Feb. 18

 **Pisces (Water):** Feb. 19 - Mar. 20

**Why were Zodiac cities established? What is their goal/purpose?**

Zodiac cities can be described as a very advanced form of social experiment. In light of the world's increasing rates of drug addiction, divorce, mental illness, and suicide (among other pessimistic trends), Zodiac cities were established in an attempt to help the human race find more meaning and purpose in their lives. Zodiac cities attempt to incorporate the Zodiac system into many different avenues of their citizens' lives, helping them to reconnect with their true selves as defined by their sign. Zodiac citizens are periodically asked to complete a series of mental health tests to determine their current state of mental health. Psychologists are employed by Zodiac cities to examine mental health trends and determine the effectiveness of Zodiac cities in helping to stabilize or reverse the unfavorable worldwide trends previously mentioned.

**How is Ashbourne Zodiac City organized by the Zodiac system?**

The Zodiac signs are each defined by their own set of personality characteristics, strengths, and weaknesses. Citizens are encouraged to pursue meaningful relationships with others whose sign and/or sign element corresponds with their own in order to help them connect to their authentic Zodiac identity. The development of sign- and element-specific community groups are encouraged, helping citizens form close bonds with others who have similar interests and personality characteristics. Job openings and career opportunities within Ashbourne are offered only to specific signs and/or elements, based on the compatibility of the job with the specific sign or element. Regarding romantic relationships, citizens are only allowed to pursue romantic interests with others whose signs demonstrate high love compatibility with their own. The Ashbourne Zodiac Public School District, as well as Ashbourne Zodiac University, group their students by sign and/or element to guide their learning and encourage interaction with classmates who are similar to them astrologically. In order for Ashbourne citizens to be easily identified by their sign, all citizens are required to get a small tattoo of their sign's symbol on the back of their right or left hand, as well as wear at least one article of clothing at all times that contains the color specific to their sign.

The following is a list of all Zodiac sign colors:

 **Aries:** Red. **Taurus:** Maroon. **Gemini:** Yellow. **Cancer:** Grey. **Leo:** Orange. **Virgo:** White. **Libra:** Light blue. **Scorpio:** Black. **Sagittarius:** Brown. **Capricorn:** Green. **Aquarius:** Dark blue. **Pisces:** Violet.

**Specifically, how is Ashbourne Zodiac University organized by the Zodiac system?**

An equal number of students from each of the twelve signs is admitted each year at AZU. Students are housed in one of four dorm buildings, according to their element: Earth House, Water House, Air House, and Fire House. Students may only pursue an area of study that is compatible with their sign. Sign- and element-specific student groups help students get involved in the campus community and spend time with others who have similar interests and/or personalities. Sports teams are organized by element. Earth, Water, Air, and Fire House teams compete against each other in sporting competitions. As AZU students and temporary residents of Ashbourne, romantic relationships with incompatible signs are not permitted. Please visit https://ashbournezodiacuniversity.edu for more information about admissions, academics, campus life, athletics, and more. For more information regarding life in Ashbourne Zodiac City, please visit https://ashbournezodiaccity.gov.


	2. Chapter 2 (Harry)

From the passenger seat of the car, I look through the window and squint my eyes against the brightness of the afternoon sun. I am able to block out enough of the light to see my older sister and step-father standing on the front steps of our home, smiling at me with tears in their eyes. 

I feel tears begin to well up in my own eyes and sigh. This is it. This day is finally here. This is the day I leave Holmes Chapel and start a brand new life in Ashbourne. Ever since I received Ashbourne Zodiac University's acceptance letter in the mail last March, I've been experiencing a vast range of emotional states—from unimaginable excitement to debilitating anxiety and everything in between. And now, sitting in my mum's car with my belongings packed to its roof, I find myself experiencing an almost unbearable sadness. I'm missing home and the people in it before I've even left our driveway. 

I'm temporarily startled out of my wistful thoughts when my mum suddenly shifts the car into reverse. I turn to her and feel my throat constrict slightly when I see her smiling at me knowingly, a thin film of moisture covering her eyes as well. She puts her hand on my arm.

"Are you ready, Harry?" she asks me gently.

My throat is too tight for me to say anything in response. I think only a squeak would come out if I tried to talk. Instead, I nod, looking back at the two people standing on the front steps.

My mum looks behind her as she starts to back us out of the driveway and then laughs upon realizing that there is absolutely no chance of her seeing anything out of the rear window with all of my things piled up in the back seat of the car.

"Well, I think we've certainly reached the full capacity of this vehicle with all of this stuff," she says. "There isn't an inch of space in this thing that hasn't been taken advantage of. How in hell are you going to fit all of this into a dorm room?"

I shrug my shoulders, glancing back at it all. I recover my voice enough to say, "I'll find a way, Mum."

She uses the side mirrors to back out of the driveway and then shifts the car into drive. We move forward on the street slowly, giving us time to do a final wave to Grace and my step-dad, who are waving heartily back. I see my sister motion for me to roll down my window.

When I do, she shouts from across the front garden, "Learn something, you idiot!" She emits a sharp sound after this exclamation that sounds like something between a laugh and a sob.

"I'll bloody try, you moron!" I yell back, grinning. 

And then the car moves forward enough so that I can no longer see them or the red brick and white-washed siding of our house. I roll my window back up and face forward, still smiling slightly while I settle myself in for the hour-long drive to Ashbourne.

"You two, I swear," my mum says, shaking her head. "The house is going to be so much quieter without the sounds of you two bickering all the time. I think I've actually forgotten what 'peace and quiet' feels like."

"What is Grace going to do with all her time now that I'm not around to get on her nerves all the time?" I say jokingly, tapping my chin with my finger to make it seem like I'm in deep contemplation over the matter.

My mum doesn't reply with the sarcastic comment I'm anticipating. There is a short pause, and then she says quietly, "What am I going to do without my baby at home with me?"

I feel my throat start to ache again as I look at her. I want to hug her, but she's driving, so instead I rub her shoulder that is closest to me with my hand. She smiles at my touch, her lips wobbling slightly.

"Aww, Mum, it'll be alright," I say softly. "I promise I'll call and text whenever I can. And you can apply to come visit me in the special visitation area of Ashbourne."

She takes her eyes off the road for a moment and looks at me. She sighs. "I know, honey. I just don't know how my baby got to be so old already."

I don't mind that she calls me her 'baby.' I love her to bits, and I can already feel the sadness building in my chest for when I will have to say good-bye to her at the gates of the city. I look forward and watch as the houses of our neighborhood come into view and then disappear behind us. I should enjoy this last time I get to spend with my mum.

My phone buzzes against the side of my leg. My soon-to-be-roommate, Ed, has texted me. He's asking me what time I'm going to get there. His move-in time was scheduled for a bit earlier than mine, which I figure is due to the fact that the surname Sheeran comes just before Styles alphabetically. I text him back, telling him that I'll be there in about an hour. I feel a jolt of anxiety wash over me as I actually type the words out. I will be there in an _hour_. An hour left until I step across Ashbourne's city limits and don't cross them again until next May when I'm done with my first year of university. 

I start to worry for the thousandth time about what it will be like to live inside a city that I can't voluntarily leave unless I want to get fined a crazy amount of money. And it's not just any city—it's a Zodiac city. From here on out, I will have to get used to introducing myself as Harry Styles, Aquarius. I'll have to get used to my identity being defined primarily by my Zodiac sign.

Ever since I learned about the existence of Zodiac cities in the States, I was intrigued by the whole notion of organizing entire mini-societies based on the pseudoscience of astrology. It didn't seem possible that such cities could grow and continue to exist without people going crazy inside of them, not being able to leave the city limits until given permission and being constantly herded to make all decisions based on their Zodiac sign. But from what I had heard over the years, Zodiac citizens seemed to enjoy their new lives as participants in these large-scale social experiments. People who were interviewed inside these cities seemed to find a certain pleasure in having their identities predetermined for them, based on the Zodiac system.

When Ashbourne Zodiac City opened up five years ago, becoming the first—and still only—Zodiac city to open up in England, I was determined to make myself stand out academically so that I'd have a chance of being accepted at Ashbourne Zodiac University. I wanted to know what it'd be like to be a Zodiac citizen; it seemed like a great adventure to me. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to wipe the slate clean and start afresh with a brand new life after finishing secondary school. And, of course, there was the obvious incentive that my entire university education would be paid for if I got accepted.

I was ecstatic when I received my acceptance letter to AZU last spring. I barely slept for a week, spending nearly every waking minute going through all the different possibilities of what it would actually be like to live in a Zodiac city after so many years of distantly imagining it.

Over the past several months, I've spent a lot of time on the computer using Google Maps to hover over Ashbourne, just taking in the layout of the city and trying to imagine myself strolling through its downtown, reclining in the grass of one of its parks, or walking across AZU's campus to go to class. The AZU website has a virtual campus tour feature, so I only have a somewhat grainy impression of what my future home will look like.

I'm worrying about how hard my classes will be when I feel a hand touch my leg, startling me out of my thoughts. When I look over at my mum, she smiles at me.

"Try to relax, honey," she says soothingly. "Everything's going to be fine. This is an exciting day! You're going to university!"

I smile. "I know, mum. I really am excited, I just worry too much." My palms have started getting sweaty, so I rub them across the top of my black skinny jeans. "How about some music?"

I turn on the radio and immediately feel some of my nerves vanish when I recognize the current song as one of Fleetwood Mac's. My mum and I start to sing along with the words, and soon enough I've temporarily forgotten about my worries and instead am just enjoying this last valuable time I'm getting to spend with my mum before starting my new life.

. . .

"Oh look, there's a sign," my mum says, pointing up ahead at a white rectangle that is staked into the ground along the side of the road. The sign reads 'AZU First-Year Move-In,' printed in large black letters, and it has an arrow pointing upwards below the words. We're almost there.

There are two more signs after this first one that eventually lead us to a large car park, which is half-full with cars gleaming in the late afternoon sun. Beyond the mass of cars is a tall brick wall, half-covered in leafy vines, which runs along the length of the car park and extends into the mass of trees on either side of the large open space. We must be right along the edge of Ashbourne's city limits. My heart begins to beat a little faster.

As my mum finds us a parking space, I look through the window at the other new students and families who are milling about, unpacking their cars and loading the items into the backs of small vehicles. I crane my neck to see the side of one of these vehicles and see the AZU logo printed on its driver's side door: the twelve Zodiac symbols positioned in a circle around the letters 'AZU,' each of the symbols printed in their own unique color. I've memorized the position of the dark blue Aquarius symbol, knowing it to be located along the upper right edge of the circle. If I squint my eyes, I can just make out the tiny blue dot on the side of the vehicle.

My mum turns off the car and looks at me. "Well, this is it."

"It's actually happening," I say after unbuckling my seat belt, suddenly feeling slightly light-headed.

"Oh look, honey," she says, pointing past me, "that must be someone coming to tell us how this whole move-in process works."

I swivel my head to see a man walking towards our car who is wearing a collared gray shirt with the AZU logo printed on the right breast pocket. He's holding a clipboard.

My mum and I get out of the car to greet him.

"Hello!" He greets us jovially, shaking our hands. "Welcome to AZU! We're so excited for you to be here to start your first year! My name is James Corderly. I'm the Director of Admissions here at AZU, and I'll be helping lead you—" he points emphatically at me "—through your first-year move-in and orientation experience!"

I nod and say, "Great!" I appreciate this man's enthusiasm, but he seems a little over-the-top. I wonder offhandedly how much coffee he's had today.

"And what's your name, sir?" James asks me, looking down at his clipboard.

"Harry Styles," I reply. I inhale sharply when I suddenly remember. "I-I mean, Harry Styles, Aquarius." 

James nods and smiles, scanning the pages clamped onto the clipboard. "Let me see, let me see, where are you...Styles...Ah, here you are! Yes, you've arrived right on time for your scheduled move-in time! And I assume you're already aware that you'll be living in the Air House dorm building, yes?"

"Yes," I nod.

"Perfect! It looks like your assigned room number is Room 237. So what I'll have you do is just wait here by your vehicle while I send one of our campus volunteers over to help you unload your belongings onto one of our vehicles! Once all of your belongings are packed up, you'll be driven through the Ashbourne entrance gate at the far end of the car park and then be driven all the way to Air House on the AZU campus! Our campus is just about a 10 minute drive from this edge of the city. There will be more volunteers there to help you move your belongings into your room." He pauses, appearing slightly winded after his explanation, to look from me to my mum.

"And we ask that all good-byes are said here in the car park. Family members are not allowed to cross the city limits. I'm sure you understand."

We both nod. I forcibly swallow the lump that is starting to form in my throat. 

"Well, Harry, as I said before, welcome to AZU! I hope your move-in process is smooth, and I look forward to seeing you in the next couple of days for first-year orientation!" 

"Thank you!" I say, trying to match his level of excitement in my own voice despite my growing nerves.

James leaves us to wait for a campus vehicle. After only a few minutes, one arrives next to our car. The volunteer gets out and helps us unload my belongings, bag by over-stuffed bag, into the back of the vehicle, until my mum's car is empty. 

"If you'd like to say your final good-byes, I will just be waiting in the vehicle," the volunteer tells us.

I thank him, watching him climb into the driver's seat and feeling the tears start to well up in my eyes before I even turn to face her.

"Mum, I—" I start to choke on my words. Before I can try to continue, she is embracing me, her arms wrapping tightly around me. I stoop slightly to make up for our difference in height, knowing that she is standing on her tip toes to be able to rest her chin on my shoulder. I can feel her shaking and hold her closer, tears making salty pathways down my flushed cheeks. We hold onto each other without speaking for a long time, letting the combined warmth of our bodies convey the feelings of tenderness we can't find the words to express.

At long last, we pull apart from each other and wipe the wetness from our cheeks.

She snuffles slightly and then says, "Learn something, you idiot."

I let out a loud laugh. I clear my throat before replying, "I'll bloody try, Mum."

We look at each other for a moment longer, and then she sighs deeply. "Well, we shouldn't keep that poor volunteer waiting any longer."

I nod reluctantly, not wanting this moment to end. 

"Call me when you're all moved in?" she asks me.

"Of course."

"I love you, Harry."

"I love you, Mum," I say as I open up the passenger door of the campus vehicle. We exchange one final affectionate look before I climb inside.

I glance at the volunteer, who has just put his phone away after hearing me shut my door. He gives me a polite smile and then turns the keys in the ignition. The vehicle begins to move forward, in the direction of the tall brick wall at the end of the car park. I turn in my seat and wave at my mum, who is leaning against the back of her car and waving back at me. 

Then I sigh and turn myself so I'm facing forward and looking at the great brick wall before us, beyond which lies my brand new life.


	3. Chapter 3 (Louis)

I stand up from my seat on the carpeted floor, looking around at the cramped confines of my bedroom. Bloody hell. How is it that I've only seemed to get messier the older I've gotten?

Now that I've started my last-minute packing frenzy for student move-in tomorrow, my room looks even more like it was hit by a tornado than it did over the summer. In addition to the ever-present layer of clothing making up the forest floor of my jungle of a room, there are now newly formed heaps of belongings spaced haphazardly throughout the room. Half-packed duffel bags, overflowing laundry baskets, towering piles of bedding, hastily-gathered school supplies, and rolled-up posters are spread on the floor around the tiny island of carpet I'm currently balancing on.

I think I'm going to call it a night; a quick scan of everything around me leads me to the conclusion that my packing efforts over the last several hours can finally come to an end. I'm not as worried now about forgetting to pack something as I was last year when I was a first-year. I remember how nervous I'd been last September on the drive from Doncaster to Ashbourne. I feel a sudden pang of sadness upon recalling my tearful parting with my mum at the gates of the city. I will have to go through the same thing tomorrow afternoon.

The tantalizing scent of baking cookies drifts from the kitchen downstairs and reaches my nose. I inhale deeply, enjoying the sweet, warm scent. My mum is making treats for me to bring tomorrow for move-in. I smile. Her thoughtfulness makes my heart ache on a regular basis.

I'm about to forge a pathway out of my room to go down and talk to her when my phone emits two successive dinging sounds from my jeans pocket. I look and see that Emily has texted me.

From my spot on the floor, I am able to leap over a couple of packed bags and flounce onto my bed. I unlock my phone and see that she has texted me a photo of campus from earlier that day, when all of the first-year students were moving in to the dorms. There are a multitude of anxious-looking first-years milling about in the photo alongside gray-shirted campus volunteers, who are helping them push large carts containing their belongings into one of the dorm buildings. I look closely and recognize the building as Earth House, which both Emily and I call home when we're living on campus. Below the photo, her text reads:

 _Look at all the tiny first years!_ _They're sooo cute ;) Can't wait to see you when you get here!_

I suddenly feel nervous about seeing her so soon after being apart for the entire summer holiday. At the end of our first year at university, she had stayed in Ashbourne to live with her family there, where her dad works for the city's police department, while I had left the city and returned home to Doncaster for the summer. She had wanted me to stay with her in Ashbourne, but I had missed my mum and sisters too much not to want to spend the summer with them in my hometown. Plus, I had really needed a break from the slightly maddening claustrophobia of living in a city that doesn't allow its citizens to leave its borders.

Emily and I met last school year in a performing arts class we had together. The class required us to perform in a stage production on campus, so we were cast as Danny and Sandy in the musical _Grease._ The fact that she was pursuing the same area of study as me—Performing Arts—as well as the fact that we both lived in Earth House—her being a Taurus, while I a Capricorn—made it really easy for us to become close friends.

At first, our attraction for each other was purely scripted, our gestures of affection only performed on stage. Over the course of the year, however, our friendship morphed into a friends-with-benefits sort of relationship. For me, it had felt nice to be wanted by someone else, to be touched tenderly. But I'd always gotten the feeling that she had stronger feelings for me than I had for her.

Last year, she had almost always been the one to suggest hanging out with each other, whether they were late-night study sessions or late-night love-making sessions. For the most part, I went along with her offers and enjoyed spending time with her as best I could. She was almost always sweet, friendly, and confident around me—and, if I'm being honest, she had a nice body. But I'd never felt that spark. That sudden burst of flame I'm told you're supposed to feel when you meet _the one._

And now, as I'm looking at her text, I'm wondering what our relationship will be like this year. Are we still going to be a friends-with-benefits sort of thing? Does she want something more than that? I don't think I do.

I contemplate on how to respond to her text and settle for a nice, neutral:

_Looking forward to seeing you too!_

Or, at least, I hope that's neutral enough.

Her photo of the first-years moving in has got me thinking about my own move-in time tomorrow. I'm scheduled to begin moving in at 3 pm. I wonder what time my roommate is going to move in? I find Zayn's name in my contacts and send him a text to ask him. I'm guessing he'll move in before me because his last name comes before mine alphabetically. That's usually how they organize the move-in schedule.

Zayn's quick to respond.

_My move-in time is at noon_

_Great, see ya tomorrow mate,_ I type.

 _Yep, good luck with moving in!_ he replies.

A soft knock on my bedroom door makes me tear my eyes away from my phone. I glance over to see Delilah, one of my younger twin sisters, looking at me with large round eyes, her bottom lip sticking out in a pout.

"I don't want you to leave, Louis," she says in a small voice, her bottom lip starting to tremble.

I sit up on my bed. "Aww, Delilah, c'mere love," I say, my heart aching at the sight of her heartbroken expression.

It takes her a bit to pick her way across my room so that she can come to sit next to me on the edge of my bed. I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her smaller frame against me. Resting my chin on her head, I hear her snuffling against my chest, and my vision all at once becomes blurred from the tears that have sprung up in my eyes.

"Why do you have to leave us again?" she asks, her choked voice muffled against the fabric of my shirt. She reaches her hand out and touches the black Capricorn symbol that is tattooed on the back of my left hand.

I don't respond and instead just hug her tighter, knowing her question to be a rhetorical one. I know she understands why I have to go to university. She understands I need to get an education in order to have a career as a drama teacher. And she understands that I worked hard in school to be able to be accepted at AZU so that my mum wouldn't have to worry about paying for my education.

"I'm going to miss all of you so much," I say softly. As if on cue, my other three sisters appear at my bedroom door, evidently having heard sounds of crying coming from my room. The faces all bear the same somber expression.

"Why you gotta do this to us again, Louis?" Faith asks as she gingerly steps over my belongings on the floor, making her way along with her sisters to my bed. "We need our big brother."

They all crowd onto my bed around me, all of them embracing me simultaneously.

"Wow, I wish you were all this nice to me all the time," I remark, unable to stop the sass from making its appearance at least once in the middle of this sentimental experience.

I yelp when I feel a sharp jab in my back.

"Goddammit, Louis, stop ruining the moment," Lily says.

"You promise you'll Skype us like you did last year?" Delilah's twin, Penny, pipes up from behind my left shoulder.

"Of course," I say, smiling at all of them. "I can't go too long without seeing my sisters' lovely faces."

They chuckle softly at this. We stay silent in our group hug for a long time on my bed, letting the warmth of our physical touch do the talking for us.

Eventually, the delectable scent of our mum's cookies wafts into the room, making our heads perk up.

"God, I hope you're not taking _all_ of those cookies with you to school tomorrow," Lily says, her eyes closed in bliss. "What were you saying about how much you love your sisters...?" She trails off, grinning at me.

"Alright, c'mon," I say, urging them all to get up from the bed. "Let's go see if Mum wants to get in on this group hug action."

I watch my sisters hop over my belongings and leave my room one-by-one as I wipe the wetness from my cheeks. Yep, it's going to be just as hard as it was last year to leave home.

I plow through the sea of loose clothing and packed bags on my floor and then head down the stairs, hearing the feminine sounds of laughter coming from the kitchen below.


	4. Chapter 4 (Harry)

"Does it hurt much to get one?" Ed asks me, nodding his head at the couple of tattoos I have on my arm. His brows are drawn together slightly, conveying an expression of worry.

"Nah, not too much," I reply reassuringly. "And the one we're about to get is pretty small, I think, so it shouldn't hurt much at all."

We've just finished eating lunch, and now we're walking along one of the campus sidewalks towards one of the more spacious courtyards of campus, where a multitude of small tents have been set up. A white sign up ahead reads "Zodiac Symbol Tattoos This Way" with an arrow below the words pointing in the direction of the tents. I can see that there are twelve tents in total, each of them a different color, with their respective Zodiac symbols printed in black on the tents' sides. My gaze settles on the dark blue Aquarius tent that is situated on the left edge of the clearing. There is a short line-up of first-year students standing just outside of the tent, all wearing some sort of dark blue clothing and waiting their turn to get their tattoo.

Ed and I reach the tent and take our place at the back of the line. I glance up at his face and see that his features still look a bit tense. This is the most nervous I've seen him since moving in yesterday. Right away when we first met each other in our Air House dorm room the day before, I knew we'd get along just fine as roommates and as friends. He just seems like a pretty relaxed, down-to-earth person, and he is very friendly as well.

Today is our first day of first-year orientation. I spent the morning with Ed attending various informational presentations, taking a tour of campus, and participating in several different icebreaker activities to get to know our fellow Air House students. This afternoon, half of the first-year students—Air and Fire House—were instructed to get their tattoos, while the other half—Earth and Water House—were told to go to the science building for mental health testing. Later, we will switch and do the opposite activity.

"Hey, don't worry," I say to Ed while we're standing in line, smiling at him. "I promise it's not that bad."

He looks up at me, and I see the tension ease in his features when he grins back at me. "Thanks, mate. This is just something I've never done before, so I guess I'm just extra nervous." He shrugs his shoulders.

I nod in understanding. "At least this isn't a permanent tattoo. I was told that they use a certain kind of ink that can be removed from the skin more easily, so when people decide to leave the city after living here for at least two years, they can get their tattoo removed."

"Makes sense," Ed says, nodding. He breathes an audible sigh of relief.

"Who knows? Maybe you'll get hooked on getting tattoos after this one? That's kind of how it was for me—I got one, and then I've been getting more and more ever since."

Ed laughs. "I dunno, we'll see."

We stand in line and wait, enjoying the fresh September air and the warmth from the slices of golden sunlight that peek through the leaves of the trees towering above us. In this moment of inactivity, I really get the chance to admire the campus grounds around us. The brilliant shades of green in the perfectly cut grass, trimmed bushes, and magnificent old trees provide a pleasing contrast with the grays and browns of the stone brick buildings that are scattered across campus. Throughout the day, I've noticed older students arriving on campus and completing their own move-in process; I see several pushing loaded carts in front of Earth House, the dorm building that is closest to us. The residence hall has a large, upside-down metal triangle with a horizontal line slashed through it suspended on the face of the building above the main entrance doors. The Earth symbol.

Looking around the campus, I resolve that so far, AZU is living up to—and possibly exceeding—my expectations. The place is absolutely beautiful, and my orientation experience so far has felt very welcoming. I feel freshly grateful that I was able to get good enough grades in school back in Holmes Chapel to be accepted at a university like this. It still all feels a bit surreal, to be honest.

Eventually, Ed and I reach the front of the line. When the tent flap opens and an Aquarius girl steps out, blinking in the sudden brightness, Ed and I look at each other, silently asking one another who wants to go in first. Ed's previous nerves have returned at this point, and his hands are all fidgety.

"I think I want to get it over with," Ed says, and I nod, gesturing for him to go inside. I give him one last encouraging smile before he lifts the tent flap and disappears from view.

He emerges from the tent about ten minutes later, looking relieved that it's over.

"See, it wasn't so bad, was it?" I say to him as I lift the flap to go inside myself, my own heart beginning to beat a bit faster despite knowing what's coming.

He laughs and shakes his head, looking down at the new black ink on the back of his left hand.

The lighting inside the tent is dim, and the temperature is a bit cooler than outside. When my eyes adjust to the dimness, I see that there is a woman in a gray shirt smiling at me and standing at the opposite end of the tent. In the middle of the tent are two chairs with a small table placed between them.

"And what's your name, my dear?" she asks me sweetly, grabbing a clipboard from a larger table that stretches across the back of the tent.

"Harry Styles, Aquarius, ma'am," I answer politely.

"Lovely," she says when she appears to find my name on the page she is scanning. The sharp movement of her pen across the page suggests that she is crossing my name off. She looks up at me again. "Which hand would you like the tattoo on?"

"My left hand," I reply. I've decided I want it on my non-dominant hand.

"Alright, then. Please take a seat for me in the chair to your left."

I do so, hearing the woman putting on a fresh pair of gloves behind me. She comes to sit in the chair beside mine and instructs me to put my hand on the table between us. Using a small cloth wipe, she applies rubbing alcohol to the middle of the back of my hand and then uses a small razor to remove the fine hair that is growing there. I feel the slight tension in my body beginning to relax as she completes these routine tasks. I've been through all of this before.

I watch her place a piece of paper on my hand that has the Aquarius symbol on it: two black, zigzag lines positioned parallel to each other, one above the other. She presses down and waits for a moment before lifting the paper off my skin, revealing the stencil of the symbol on my hand.

She goes to the back of the tent and retrieves her tattooing tool. When she comes to sit back down, she hovers the needle over my hand and looks at me. "Are you ready?"

I nod. She lowers the needle to my skin and presses down.

A few minutes later, I walk out of the tent, abruptly blinded by the bright afternoon light. Shielding my eyes with my hand, I see Ed standing just a little distance away from the line of Aquariuses who are still waiting for their turn. He smiles at me, and I walk over to him, grinning. We both lift our left hands and place them next to each other so we can see the small black tattoos side-by-side.

"Well, I guess it's official now," I remark.

Ed laughs softly and nods. Then we begin to make our way towards the science building, where we'll wait outside until it's our turn to go in for mental health testing.

...

**Over the past 2 weeks, how often have you been bothered by any of the following problems?**

_Little interest or pleasure in doing things._ I don't think I've felt this way much at all over the past two weeks. I've mostly just been thinking about starting university. I circle "Not at all."

 _Feeling down, depressed, or hopeless._ I mean, I've certainly felt like this sometimes in the past, but over the past two weeks? Once again, I circle "Not at all."

 _Trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or sleeping too much._ For this one, I circle "Several Days," recalling the several nights leading up to my move-in day. There wasn't much sleep to be had when all I could do was go through all the possibilities in my head of what university would be like.

I am sitting next to Ed in a large lecture hall inside the science building, a packet of mental health test questions sitting on the desk before me. The spacious room is filled only with the sounds of pencils scrabbling on paper and the occasional cough. All of the first-year Air House students are in the room, completing our first ever mental health test.

During one of our orientation meetings earlier today, we were given information about the mental health testing procedure. Basically, all Ashbourne citizens, including AZU students, are required to complete a mental health test issued by the city every two weeks. The city's psychologists use the testing results to map long-term general mental health trends among Ashbourne citizens. The main purpose of establishing Zodiac cities in the first place was to try to design a type of society that would help reduce divorce rates, suicide rates, drug addiction, and other similarly distressing trends; collecting data on people's mental health has provided psychologists with a fairly reliable means of predicting the direction of these trends over time.

Sitting here in this large lecture hall while completing my first mental health test, I'm really starting to become aware of the fact that I'm living inside a social experiment. I wonder if my residence inside Ashbourne over the next four years will have any significant effect on my own mental health. Will it go in a positive direction, or a negative one?

The sudden harsh sound of a student's cough behind me startles me out of my wandering thoughts. I've been spacing out. I shake my head slightly to clear my mind and refocus my gaze on the page in front of me. I read the top line on the page:

_Only respond to the following questions if you are currently in a romantic relationship._

Well, then, I guess I can skip this section. Even though I try to ignore the multitude of emotions that rush to the surface of my mind upon reading this statement, I can't help myself from becoming distracted by them. Feelings of frustration, longing, and loneliness begin to wash over me.

In school, I dated a few different people, but I had never really had a long-term, committed relationship with any of them. Not only had I had to deal with the social challenges of identifying as bisexual, but I was also unfairly labeled as the 'womanizer' of my school. Even some of my closest friends started calling me that, despite my continual efforts to reason with them that there was no truth behind it. In my opinion, it's always seemed easy for people to confuse being kind and polite to the opposite sex with flirting and wanting to have sex with them.

My new life in Ashbourne will be a fresh start for me in more ways than one—one of them being the fact that I won't be surrounded by people who automatically associate me with being a 'womanizer.' I'm hoping to grow more confident in my sexuality as well, although it will be hard for me to adjust to living more independently in this city and embrace myself fully for who I am without my mum by my side to support me. I make a mental note to myself to call her later when I get back to the dorm. In terms of potentially finding love here in Ashbourne, I think I've come to the conclusion that I'm not necessarily looking for someone, but if I happened to meet the right person, then maybe something would happen...

Ed turns one of the pages of his packet, and the sound pulls me out of my daydreaming thoughts once more. I'm probably way behind everyone else in getting this thing done. I move on to the next section of the test and use all of my willpower to focus my attention on the remaining questions.

...

I lay in my bed, exhausted from a full day of activities. I turn my head on my pillow and see that Ed is laying in his own bed on the opposite side of the room, looking at his phone. The brightness from the screen illuminates the dark room in a pale, bluish glow. Our window is open, letting in the cool night air, and I can hear the buzzing of a bug hitting the screen.

We got back to the room about an hour ago after going to a campfire near the Air House building, where we had fun socializing with other Air House first-year students. I'm really starting to feel like a part of the AZU campus community, as cheesy as it sounds.

I can't help but wonder, though, about the other students from Earth, Water, and Fire Houses who I've barely seen since moving in yesterday. I suppose I was expecting some degree of separation between the different houses and signs, but actually experiencing it has been slightly strange. I hope I'll get to meet some students from the other houses at some point. Maybe tomorrow at the Involvement Fair?

As much as I want to stay up on my phone a little later, I know that I need to get some good sleep for round two of orientation tomorrow. I turn onto my side so I'm facing away from Ed and toward the white cinder-block wall that my bed is pushed up against. Pulling my covers up around me, I let out an audible sigh of relief. I've made it through my first whole day as an AZU student.


	5. Chapter 5 (Louis)

"Zayn," I mumble, my face buried in my pillow. "Zayn. ZAYN, SHUT THAT FOOKING THING OFF!!"

My roommate's alarm has been going off for the past minute, the harsh noise bouncing off the cinder block walls of our small dorm room. The boy is stubbornly refusing to lift his hand the few inches it would take for him to reach his phone and turn it off.

I lift my head off my pillow and turn to look at him, giving him my best death glare. He doesn't notice me, though, because it appears he's still sound asleep, completely oblivious of his alarm. God, I hope this isn't going to become a regular thing this year. I love the lad, but Jesus. Enough is enough.

"Fooking hell," I mutter, deciding to take matters into my own hands. I grab my pillow out from under me and throw it across the room, aiming for his head. The pillow accidentally hits Zayn's phone, which is resting on the little shelf that's attached to the front end of his bed, sending the phone flying against the wall. It crashes and then falls, landing loudly on his desk below. The alarm continues to blare out of the phone's speakers, so I know I haven't broken the bloody thing.

Zayn emerges from his bed sheets in a flurry of movement, evidently frightened out of his deep sleep by the extra noise. I figure his sixth sense must have picked up on the fact that his phone—a.k.a his baby—was in danger. He looks at me from across the room, his eyes looking slightly alarmed but still bleary from sleep. Hearing the sound of his alarm, he peers over the end of his bed and sees his phone lying below on the wooden surface of his desk. He notices that my pillow is lying next to him on his bed, leaned up against the wall behind him.

"Loueh, you idiot!" he yells once he's put the pieces together of what happened. "You could've broken my phone!"

"Well, if you'd been considerate enough to turn off your fooking alarm after a full MINUTE of it going off, maybe I wouldn't have felt the need to throw something at you," I reply testily. "And I wasn't aiming for your baby, I was going for your head. Now toss me my pillow back. I'm still planning on getting an hour or so more of sleep."

Zayn shoots me a dirty look and then chucks the pillow at me, hitting me in the chest. "I hate alarms," he grumbles as he stretches out his stiff joints.

"Who doesn't?" I say, snuggling into my sheets, grateful that I've still got some time to spend in bed. "Now please, for the love of God, turn the thing off. I need my beauty sleep."

Zayn groans before making his way down the end of his lofted bed. After a moment, the maddening sound is gone. I close my eyes, enjoying the blissful sensation of quietness in the room.

For the next half hour or so, I lay dozing in my bed while the shuffling sounds of Zayn going about his morning routine drift up to my ears. I know that he's getting ready to go to the University Center, where the Involvement Fair will be held later this morning. Yesterday evening, when we had both finished moving our belongings into the room and unpacking everything, he had told me that he was going to get up in the morning to help set up the Art Club table before the start of the fair. Zayn is one of the officers of the club this year, so it's his responsibility to be at the table and advertise the club to any first-year—or older—students who might want to join.

I lift my head up slightly when I hear the door open and see that Zayn is heading out, his backpack slung over his shoulders.

"Good luck," I say down to him. "I'll show up at the fair at some point, so I'll probably see you then." I am planning to go stand at the Earth House football team table, mostly so I can see my teammates and catch up with them after not seeing them all summer.

He glares up at me, but then his features relax into a reluctant smile. "I'm still mad at you, but thanks. See you later." The door closes behind him, and I'm left alone in the room.

I roll onto my side and sigh. Now that I'm thinking about the upcoming Involvement Fair, I'm not sure of how much more sleep I'm going to get. I let my gaze wander over Zayn's wall on the opposite side of the room and find myself admiring my roommate's artistic skills yet again. The wall is covered in different-sized posters and sheets of paper, all of them containing colorful drawings and paintings that Zayn has completed over the years. He still has several pieces of artwork piled on his desk, awaiting their turn to be taped to the wall. I know that by the time he's finished putting them all up, there won't be an inch of white showing from the wall. Sometimes I forget that he's actually studying English here at university, not art.

I turn onto my stomach and pick up my phone that's sitting on the little shelf attached to my lofted bed near my pillow. I see that Emily has texted me. A sudden jolt of anxiety rushes through me upon reading her message.

_Hey :) Was wondering if you wanted to hang out before I have to volunteer at the involvement fair at 11. Can't wait to see you today!_

I take a deep breath and look up at the ceiling. Today I'm going to see her for the first time in months. I don't know if I'm emotionally ready for this. Mostly, I'm nervous about not knowing where we stand in terms of our relationship.

Since I'm pretty much fully awake by now, and Zayn's gone, I decide it would be a perfect opportunity for us to hang out in my room this morning. I send her a reply.

_Yeah sounds great :) Zayn left already so you could come to my room for a bit_

She answers back right away. _Yay! I'll be over in like 20 minutes_

I sit up in bed. Well, shit. I have twenty minutes to make myself look presentable. My first priority is getting rid of my morning breath, I decide, eyeing my toothbrush that's sitting in its plastic cup down on my storage shelf.

. . .

I just finish fixing my hair in the mirror when I hear a knock at the door. My heart leaps into my throat at the sudden noise. I pad over to the door, peer through the eye hole, and see a girl with long, wavy dark brown hair waiting patiently in the hallway. She's wearing a maroon-colored t-shirt—the color of the Tauruses. It's her.

When I pull open the door, I don't have the chance to utter a single syllable in greeting because she flings her arms around me the moment she lays her eyes on me.

"Louis!" she cries, squeezing me tightly. "My god, Louis, I missed you!"

I hug her back, wrapping my arms around her and resting my chin on her shoulder.

"It's great to see you again, Emily," I say. I notice that she's wearing the same perfume she regularly wore last year. Its sweet scent is slightly overwhelming.

She pulls back from our embrace, and before I'm fully aware of what she's doing, she leans forward and kisses me on the lips. The contact is brief, but it lasts long enough for me to pull back reflexively in shock. Her eyes widen slightly and she searches my face, her look questioning. I pull her back into a hug, attempting to dispel the increasing awkwardness of the situation.

I sigh. "It really is great to see you, Em," I say, reemphasizing my earlier sentiment and hoping she'll ignore what just happened. "Do you want to come sit down and catch up on everything that's happened since last May?" I gesture at the futon under Zayn's bed.

She smiles and nods, heading over to take a seat. I close the door and then sit down next to her. She snuggles against me.

"So, tell me all about everything that happened this summer," I say, temporarily disregarding the fact that we've been texting each other all summer and I already know pretty much everything she's been doing over the last few months. I want her to talk, though, while I contemplate how I want to bring up my questions about our relationship to her. I figure it would be rude to pose these rather direct questions to her so soon after our reunion; we'll fill the time with light conversation until a bit later, when I work up the guts to ask her.

She tells me about her summer spent in Ashbourne, living at home with her family and working at a café downtown. She says that she missed having me around to hang out with when she was feeling lonely.

"But I'm glad you're back now," she says softly, clutching my arm and smiling up at me. "And I'm happy we have two classes together this semester! That means more study sessions." She winks at me after this last statement, and I try my best to give her a genuine smile in return.

"Now tell me about your summer," she says, patting my chest with her hand. "I want to know all about it."

There isn't much to tell her; I spent the summer working in a football stadium in Doncaster, flipping burgers and performing mundane cleaning duties. I admire her ability to appear interested in everything I'm saying in spite of the boring account.

When we hit a lull in the conversation, she asks if we can turn the TV on and just relax until she has to leave to go to the Involvement Fair. I grab the remote and press the power button, directing it at the TV that's sitting underneath my bed on the opposite side of the small room. We sit there in companionable silence for a while, absorbed by the random TV show we've decided to watch.

When a commercial break comes on, Emily pulls out her phone to check the time. She only has a few more minutes before she has to leave. Fucking hell, I need to pull myself together and just get it out there in the open.

"Look, Em," I start, my voice sounding a bit uncertain. She looks up at me questioningly when I turn down the volume of the TV. I sigh. "I need to know...what are we?" My arm gestures between us both. "Like...are we going to do the...friends-with-benefits thing again this year? Nothing more serious than that?"

Her gaze leaves mine for a moment. "I mean, if you're comfortable with just staying friends-with-benefits, I'm okay with that," she replies. "To be honest, I was wondering the same thing...if you wanted to be anything more than that."

"I don't know, Em. I think for right now...we should just stay at the level of relationship we're at. I don't think I want to commit to anything more serious."

I want to tell her that I appreciate her as a friend and that I'm not even sure I want the 'benefits' part of the relationship. If I'm honest with myself, I've never felt that spark with her in all of my time being around her. She's a lovely person, but I can't truthfully see myself ever becoming serious with her. But I don't say these things because it doesn't seem tactful to do so upon seeing her for the first time in months. I silently curse to myself for being a coward.

"Thanks for being honest with me," she says, a little flatly. I wonder if she knows that I'm not being truly honest with her. She's known me for too long not to at least have some idea of when I'm lying or leaving out certain bits of the truth.

If she is suspicious of my truthfulness, she doesn't call it into question. "Well, I better get going," she says, glancing at her phone as she stands up from the futon. "The fair starts in just a few minutes. Text me later?"

I stand up from my seat and nod. "I'll probably see you at the fair, I'm headed there in a little while. I think I'm going to get breakfast first."

We hug each other before she heads out the door, and this time she doesn't try to kiss me. When the door shuts behind her, I can't help but feel bad about what I said. Or maybe what I didn't say, but what she picked up on anyways. I decide that I'm glad I at least settled the matter of identifying our current relationship status. We're still friends-with-benefits. For now, at least.

. . .

I enter the large room of the University Center where the Involvement Fair is taking place, the sounds of animated conversation, laughter, and loud music creating a very lively atmosphere in the spacious area. Tables bearing informational poster boards, flyers, and sign-up sheets are scattered throughout the room, separated into different areas based on the sign and/or element their club or organization is targeting. I spot the Earth House section near the back left corner of the room and begin to weave my way through the tables in that direction.

On my way, I spot Zayn at the Art Club table, who looks like he's showing a first-year student several samples of artwork, and I see Emily sitting at a table where student volunteers are gathered. She sees me, and we wave, smiling. I've almost reached the Earth House football team table when I notice Niall, one of my best mates, standing with a guitar at a table not too far away. He's wearing a white shirt, him being a Virgo. I want to go over and say hello, but I see that he's talking with a student, and I don't want to interrupt. I'll have to text him and his roommate, Liam, later and ask them if they want to hang out soon.

Liam and I knew each other before starting at AZU last year. We met at a summer voice camp when we were both in secondary school and grew to be good friends there, so it was a pleasant surprise to learn that we were both going to be attending the same university together. Last year, Liam, Niall, Zayn, and I got to be really good friends. It was easy for us to hang out all the time since we all lived in Earth House together—as we do this year—though in different sections of the building. Liam and Niall are both Virgos, while Zayn and I are Capricorns. I'm looking forward to hanging out with them again this year; I missed their friendship over the summer.

I reach the Earth House football team table and reunite with several of my teammates from last year. It's nice to spend time catching up with them. We're all excited for another football season to start, and we're eager to get some new first-year players this fall.

"Looks like there's already several people signed up for try-outs," I remark, running my finger down the sign-up sheet on the table.

"Yep! I have a feeling we're going to be getting some talented players this year!" Spencer, the team captain, exclaims. "It's going to be a great season!"

After a bit, some of the lads decide to head out and kick a ball around on the football pitch outside.

"Do you want to come, Louis?" my teammate Ryan asks me.

I remember suddenly that I still need to pick up my textbooks for the start of classes tomorrow. "I'll catch up with you guys later," I say to them, waving them off. I resolve that now's as good a time as any to pick up the bloody things. After a little while, I head out of the large room and begin making my way to the library, where Textbook Services is located.


	6. Chapter 6 (Harry)

I walk into the large room, all at once overwhelmed by the flurry of activity that's before me. There are first-year and older students of all twelve signs jostling about among the rows of tables, on which advertisements for different campus clubs and organizations are displayed. I've arrived about an hour after the event started, so there are already loads of people here.

I begin wandering among the tables, pausing frequently to read the different clubs' poster boards to consider if I might be interested in joining. I've decided it would probably be a good idea to join at least one club this school year; I figure it would help me make some new friends. I'm not sure what I'd be interested in joining though...

The tables are organized into different sections of the room based on the sign or house they are advertising to. I wander around the tables in the middle section of the room, where clubs involving members of all different signs and houses are located. I really want to start meeting students who aren't Aquariuses or in Air House. Throughout this whole orientation experience, I've barely gotten to know anyone outside of my own house, which has left me a bit disappointed.

A flash of light to my left catches my eye, and I turn to see a blonde-haired boy standing behind a nearby table, the guitar in his hands reflecting the light coming from the ceiling. He's wearing a white shirt—must mean he's a...Virgo? I'm still in the process of memorizing all of the different signs' colors. The sign draping across the front of his table reads "AZU Guitar Club." A feel a spark of excitement ignite inside me. That would be the perfect club for me to join! I've been wanting to learn how to play guitar for years now.

I approach the table, seeing that there aren't any other students currently taking interest in the Guitar Club's display. When I get close enough, I see that the blonde boy is strumming his guitar lightly to the sound of the music that's blasting from the speakers around the room.

"Hello," I say in greeting to the boy holding the guitar.

He looks up from his instrument and gives me a friendly smile. "Hello, mate! Interested in joining Guitar Club?" he asks me, an Irish lilt lending a singsong quality to his words. 

"I think so," I reply. 

"We're open to all different skill levels, from all different signs and houses," he says, resuming strumming his guitar lightly while speaking. "This semester, we're planning on meeting Tuesday evenings in one of the lounges in the fine arts building. We're pretty casual—you can just show up whenever you're available. Pretty much we just sit around and mess around with playing different songs."

"Sounds great!" I say. "The problem is...I don't actually know how to play," I add sheepishly, nodding my head in the direction of the guitar. "And I don't own a guitar. I've just wanted to learn for a while."

"Oh, that's alright, no problem," he says reassuringly. "I know a place where you could rent one and get some beginner lessons. I work at a guitar shop not too far away from campus, called Flicker Music & Guitar Studio. If you stop by the shop sometime, someone will be able to get you set up with a rental guitar...Unless you're wanting to buy one?"

I shake my head quickly, knowing how expensive guitars can be. I don't have much extra money to spend. "No, I think I would probably rent one. So they give lessons at the shop, too?"

"Yeah, there's a studio in the back where people can arrange to have guitar lessons. I think it would be a great place to at least learn the basics—and then you'd be just fine joining us for our meetings. I mean, you could always come and just play around with us anyway, once you get your rental."

"Yeah, I think I might!" I say. "I'll plan to stop by the guitar shop this weekend." I lean over the table and write my name down on the club sign-up sheet.

"My name's Niall, by the way," the boy says. "Niall, Virgo."

"Harry, Aquarius," I say in return, looking up from the table and shaking his outstretched hand.

"Nice to meet you, Harry" he says. "I'm working this weekend at the shop, so I might see you there. I could help you out with choosing a guitar to rent."

"Great, thanks, mate," I say, smiling at him. "I'll see you then!"

When I leave the table, I glance back and see that Niall has gone back to looking down at his guitar, strumming away. He seems like a fun person to get to know.

I think about staying for a little while longer at the fair to browse through the other tables I haven't yet visited, but I decide I'm ready to leave. Signing up for one club is good enough for me. What I still need to do this afternoon is pick up my textbooks so I'll be prepared for my first day of classes tomorrow. A sharp jolt of anxiety shoots through me. Jesus, I have to go to _classes_ tomorrow. I don't think—no, I _know_ —I'm not ready for all of the homework and deadlines and late-night study sessions and group projects and presentations and all of the shit that, year after year, whacks away at my mental health like a sharp axe striking rotting wood. Ready or not, though, classes will officially be in session in less than 24 hours. And I figure the first step I can take to help myself feel more prepared for tomorrow is getting my books from Textbook Services.

My mind made up, I head out of the large room and exit the University Center building. I stand outside the main doors of the building for moment, trying to conjure up a bird's eye view of the layout of campus in my brain. Where is the library, again? I'm still getting used to where all of the buildings are located. After a few seconds of mental concentration, I'm able to recall the library's location and start walking across campus towards the dark brown building. 

When I get to the library, I go downstairs to the building's lower level, where Textbook Services is located. AZU has a great system of renting textbooks out to students each semester, so that books are reused and the university doesn't have to keep buying more and more new books for each new class of students. I see that there are several other students entering and exiting this area of the building, those exiting always carrying a heavy stack of books in their arms. I wonder how many textbooks I'll be leaving with?

I reach the entrance to the large room and see rows of towering metal shelves, all bearing the weight of hundreds of textbooks. I'm instructed by a student worker to print off my list of textbooks at a nearby computer station. After I do so, I see that there are identification numbers listed next to the books I need, which I'm told will help me find the books' location among the bookshelves in the room. I observe that I have seven books to find. Not too many, not too few, I decide. 

I haven't decided yet what I want to focus my studies on at university, so this semester I am going to be taking several different introductory classes in a variety of subject areas. As a result, I need to pick up textbooks from a range of disciplines: Biology, English, History, French, and Psychology, to be exact. 

I begin my quest among the tall metal shelves, concentrating my gaze on the numbers that are written on the spines of the books and trying to match them up with the numbers that are printed on my book list. After a bit, I start to get the hang of the whole process. There are many other students doing the same thing as me: scanning the rows of books intently, pulling down the ones they are seeking, then adding them to the stack of books accumulating in their arms. 

I'm searching for my last book when I accidentally back up into someone looking at the shelf behind me.

"Oops!" I exclaim, turning around to smile in apology at the person I've bumped into. My heart misses a beat the moment my eyes meet his piercing blue-green ones. Normally, my socially awkward self would look down or away, breaking eye contact, but I find myself unable to tear my gaze away from the clear pools of blue that are staring back at me.

The boy is a bit shorter than me, with a mop of light brown hair that is messily—and yet perfectly—swept across the top of his head. His sharply-defined cheekbones and jawline soften as the corners of his mouth lift into a smile. When his eyes crinkle in doing so, I have to consciously check to make sure my mouth is closed. He's wearing black skinny jeans and a dark green t-shirt. So...Capricorn? His right arm is holding a few textbooks against his chest.

"Hi," he says, his voice slightly raspy. I want to form words to say something back to him, but I feel like only a squeak would come out if I tried speaking. We just stand there for a moment, and to my dismay, I feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. In spite of my reticence, he just keeps looking at me, his smile gradually fading. I can't quite read his expression.

Then a student turns the corner and begins walking down the aisle we're standing in, breaking the trance I've seemed to fall victim to in the presence of this boy. We both turn our heads in the student's direction and then turn back around to the shelves behind us, abruptly resuming our book-searching. I try to force myself to focus on the numbers on the book spines, but the blood pumping in my ears keeps bringing me back to our brief encounter. I feel his physical presence drift away from me; he's slowly moving down the row of books. I can't help stealing a glance in his direction, and when I do, it looks like he's just been looking at me, because he's a split-second too late in turning his head to face the books on the shelf in front of him. But maybe I'm just imagining it. Eventually, he leaves the aisle, and I'm left to locate the final book on my list, wishing I'd at least asked his name.

. . .

I spend the remainder of the day preparing my backpack for classes tomorrow and hanging out with Ed and a few other first-year Aquariuses down our hall. When I finally hop into bed for the night, I start replaying the encounter with the boy in my head for the thousandth time, cringing once again at my failure to say _anything_ to him except "oops." I let out a sigh and run my hand through my hair. He must think I'm an idiot. Well done, Harry.

Why should any of it even matter, though? Right when I'd gotten back to the dorm with all of my textbooks, I'd searched up Ashbourne's rules regarding love compatibility and relationships. As an Aquarius, I'm only allowed to be in a relationship with an Aquarius, Leo, or Sagittarius. 

I'd also checked to see if green was indeed Capricorn's color, and my first instinct had been correct. Based on my findings, I had come to the conclusion that no matter what I felt towards this boy, nothing would come of it. Nothing would change the simple fact that we are deemed incompatible by the city we live in.

And what did I feel towards this nameless boy, anyway? I'd literally only "met" him for no more than twenty seconds. I can't deny the spark of attraction I'd felt in his presence, but is this longing to see him again just some sort of temporary, easily-excitable interest that was born in the moment, or is it something more than that? 

The more times I replay the scene over and over in my head, trying my best to capture the intensity of his stare in my memory, the more I realize that there had been a kind of inexplicable connection I'd felt with him, standing between the bookshelves.

The brightness emitting from the screen of Ed's phone across the room suddenly shuts off, leaving the room in darkness. He's going to sleep. As should I. 

Earlier that morning, I'd thought I probably wouldn't get much sleep tonight because I'd be worrying about classes starting tomorrow. I would never have guessed I'd instead be tossing and turning over a random boy I'd meet in Textbook Services.


	7. Chapter 7 (Louis)

I shift restlessly in my seat, glancing up at the clock on the classroom wall. Just a minute left. At the front of the room, the professor is wrapping up her introductory lecture for the course.

It's Friday, and this, thank Christ, is my final class of the day. Emily sits next to me, a notebook in front of her containing class notes that are scrawled across the page in green-colored ink. I observe offhandedly that the ink matches the color of my t-shirt. She notices me looking at the clock and offers me a small smile, nudging me in the leg with her knee. _Almost_ , she seems to say with her eyes.

"So, to broadly sum up what we're going to be learning about this semester," the professor states, "we're going to be focusing on the visual elements of performing arts. You'll learn to design sets, film locations, and props, costumes, and makeup. My goal is to help all of you become visual artists when it comes to the stage and screen." 

She pauses to smile out across the room of students. We are separated into different sections of the room based on our houses. I'm sitting among my fellow Earth House classmates in a sea of green, white, and maroon-colored shirts: Capricorns, Virgos, and Tauruses, respectively. 

"I look forward to starting our first real lecture of the semester next Monday," the professor continues. "Until then, have a lovely weekend!"

Upon the utterance of these parting words, the room erupts into sounds of notebooks slapping shut, zippers zipping, chairs squeaking, and backpacks slinging over shoulders. Emily and I pack up our belongings and leave the lecture hall together.

"I'm so jealous that you're done for the week," Emily groans, dragging her feet for dramatic effect as we walk down the hallway toward the main staircase of the fine arts building. She still has one more class to go before she's off for the weekend. She's taking a sociology course to fulfill a general education requirement.

"C'mon, you got it," I say. "Just one more!" I try to be encouraging, but I'm secretly reveling in the fact that I'm not in the same boat as her. 

She lets out an exasperated sigh, turning to look at me when we reach the staircase. I hope she doesn't want to kiss me; I'm not particularly in the mood for it at the moment. I'm grateful when she goes in for a hug instead. Her arms wrap around my midsection and squeeze me tightly. When she pulls away, I raise my hand to my forehead and salute her jokingly.

"Best of luck to you, madam," I say, grinning at her. "May your scholarly pursuits be fruitful."

"Jesus, Louis," she says, returning my smile and chuckling reluctantly, "you'd never be able to tell that you had English this morning. What, did you start off with Shakespeare for the first lesson?"

"Would you rather I had said, 'Bye, good luck'?" I ask. "I'm trying to work on being less predictable."

"You're cute." She turns to start making her way up the staircase, her foot placed on the first step. "So...do you want to hang out later tonight?" Her eyes are questioning.

"Umm...okay," I reply, after a slightly longer than necessary pause. I would much rather spend the night hanging out with the lads, but I don't want to hurt her feelings.

"I'll text you later," she says, and then turns her back to me as she begins climbing the stairs.

I make my way out of the building and am startled when I step outside to feel cool rain drops hitting my head and shoulders. The sky is overcast, bathing everything in a misty, pale grey glow. I forgot to bring an umbrella this morning, so I duck my head and quicken my pace, heading in the direction of Earth House. 

I pass several students walking the opposite way on the campus sidewalks, and I notice one of them wearing a dark blue sweatshirt. Is it...? No, of course it isn't. There are hundreds of Aquariuses on campus—why would I expect this one to be the boy I'd seen in Textbook Services two days ago? I shake my head, flinging droplets from my dampened hair.

Since Wednesday, I haven't been able to shake the image of the nameless Aquarius boy from my mind. Our encounter had been brief, but in those few seconds, staring into those piercing green eyes, I'd felt... _something._ Something I'd never felt with Emily, or anyone else I'd been in a relationship with before coming to AZU. And that feeling has continued to resurface in my mind at the most random of times: while spacing out in class, when catching a glimpse of that memorable shade of green in someone's clothing or a patch of greenery on campus, or upon spotting the tell-tale dark blue clothing of the Aquarius students, like I just had a moment ago.

I've known I was bisexual for quite some time now, so being attracted to another boy isn't a completely foreign feeling to me. That's not what's making me concerned about this whole situation. It's the fact that he's an _Aquarius._ As a Capricorn, I'm only allowed to be in a romantic relationship with Tauruses, Cancers, or other Capricorns. My relationship with Emily, a Taurus, is permitted by Ashbourne's city standards, but if anything were to happen between me and this boy—who I'm inexplicably desperate to see again—our relationship would be deemed incompatible, and we would be forcibly separated and fined a sum of money.

And what about Emily, anyway? If I'm suddenly so enthralled by a stranger I met for less than thirty seconds two days ago, and only two words exchanged between the two of us, what does that say about my feelings towards Emily, a girl I've known for a full year now? I know we're just doing the friends-with-benefits thing, so venturing outside of our relationship romantically wouldn't be a completely unthinkable thing to do. But I've been getting the feeling for a while now that Emily wants to be more than friends-with-benefits. She wants a serious relationship with me. 

I don't know what I want. The spontaneous, impulsive part of me wants to actively seek out this curly-haired boy with the green eyes and break things off with Emily for good. But then I'm reminded of the disheartening fact that we wouldn't be allowed to be together anyway. What's the point of pursuing something I can't have?

Sure, almost everyone knows that 'incompatible' couples get away with being together in Ashbourne by taking careful measures to keep their relationship secret around the police. But I don't know if I'm willing to risk getting expelled from a university that's giving me a full-ride scholarship if I'm caught engaging in illegal activity.

I reach the main doors of Earth House and use my ID card to scan myself into the building. I walk through the hallways in the direction of the Capricorn section of the building, eventually reaching the door of my dorm room, labeled #289. 

Zayn's laying in his bed on his phone, earbuds in. He pulls them out when he sees me come in.

"Vas happenin', bro?" he asks, cocking his head at me. "You look like you're having an existential crisis or something."

I sigh. "Honestly, you're not that far off." I let my backpack slide off my shoulders and land heavily on the ground near my desk. 

"Liam, Niall, and I are going to hang out tonight in one of the lounges," Zayn says. "Want to join us?"

"Yeah, that sounds great," I say. It will be nice to properly hang out with them for the first time this semester. "How were your classes today?" I ask.

. . .

The soothing susurrus of the rain coming down outside is just barely audible amidst the louder sounds coming from the TV that's mounted in the corner of the lounge. Naturally, we've selected the channel currently playing a professional football match.

Niall, Liam, Zayn, and I are relaxing in one of the Earth House lounges after getting dinner, alternating between playing games on our phones, scrolling through social media, and chatting with each other. Niall, of course, is picking at the strings of his guitar. I've known him long enough to know that the boy doesn't feel whole if he doesn't have his beloved instrument in his hands; I wonder how he survives in class without a guitar strap strung over his shoulder. 

I look up from my phone and start tuning into the game on TV when my phone starting buzzing, indicating an incoming call. I let out a sigh when I see that it's Emily. I forgot I'd said I'd hang out with her tonight. Shit.

I accept the call and lift my phone up to my ear. "Hello, Em," I say, making the other boys look up at me.

"Hey, Louis, when do you want to hang out tonight?" she asks from the other end. 

"Listen, Em," I start hesitantly. "I don't think I'm feeling up to hanging out tonight. I'm pretty tired. How about we hang out tomorrow?"

There is a slight pause before she responds. "Oh...okay," she says, her voice sounding disappointed. "Yeah, tomorrow sounds good."

"Sorry to cancel on you, love. I really am knackered." I notice Niall raising his eyebrows at me from his seat across the room. I give him a warning look and shake my head. He smiles and looks down at his guitar. He knows exactly what I'm doing; I'm just coming up with an excuse not to hang out with her. I don't want to tell her that I'd much rather spend the night hanging out with the lads instead of her, because that would just make her feel bad.

"That's okay," she says, a bit shortly. "Just text me tomorrow when you want to meet. Good-night."

I barely get the chance to say "good-night" back before she hangs up. I wince slightly when she does and drop my phone into my lap, tilting my head back against the back of the couch I'm lounging on.

"So...how's Emily, Louis?" Niall asks, trying to hide his smile but failing miserably at it.

"Shut up, Niall," I say, rubbing my eyes with my hands. "I just don't feel like being with her tonight, okay? I'd rather be with my best mates." I gesture at them all with my arm. "You all should feel bloody fooking special."

"'Course we do, mate," Liam says, not looking up from his phone.

"Thanks, Liam," I say. The brown-haired boy's like a brother to me. "Speaking of _girls_ , Liam...since we're on the topic"—I pause to glare at Niall—"have you talked to that Sagittarius girl yet? The one you were completely in love with last year? What was her name?"

Even though the lighting is dim in the lounge, I can see the color creeping into Liam's cheeks. "Gwen," he says quietly. "And no, I haven't, because if you haven't forgotten, Sagittariuses and Virgos still aren't allowed to be together." His words come out speedily, the syllables seeming to jumble on top of each other in his string of speech.

"C'mon, bro, you could still at least say something to her," Zayn chimes in from the other end of the couch I'm sitting on, "even if it's not allowed for you two to...you know...get it on..."

"Jesus, Zayn," Liam says, throwing his hands up in the air in exasperation. "Well, what about your girlfriend, then? How are things going with her?" He looks relieved to be able to shift the topic of conversation off of himself. 

Zayn's girlfriend, Gabrielle, lives outside of Ashbourne. Her family wasn't willing to send her off to live in a Zodiac city, which isn't uncommon among families who are wary of the unfamiliar, radically-different way in which Zodiac cities are organized compared to normal cities. Zayn had been reluctant to live apart from Gabrielle when he'd started at AZU last year, but the incentive of not having to pay for his university education was too considerable for him not to take advantage of the opportunity. I know he misses her a lot; this will be the second year in a row that he'll be away from her for two full semesters during the school year. But he's always texting and calling her, being the good boyfriend he is.

"She's good," Zayn says. "She's starting classes right now at a university in New York City, actually, so she's pretty excited. She's studying criminal psychology there." Gabrielle is a year younger than Zayn, so this will be her first year as a university student.

"America!" Liam exclaims. "What made her decide to go to school over there? I've always wanted to live in America."

"She got a good scholarship to go there," Zayn explains. "Plus, she figured that since we can't see each other anyway while I'm at AZU, she might as well go to school in New York. She's always wanted to see what it's like to live there."

"She's going to come back with an American accent," I say. "You won't be able to understand what she's saying."

"Yeah, _she'll talk like this,_ " Niall says in his best New York accent. "I'm gonna go _park_ the _car_ in the _car park."_

Zayn shakes his head and looks down at his phone, not seeming too amused by our banter. "I've gotta go, guys, Gabrielle wants to talk," he says, getting up from his seat on the couch.

"Bye, Zayn," I say, watching him leave. "We miss you already, babe," I add, trying to be as sappy as possible. "It's just not the same without you."

My green-shirted roommate laughs reluctantly and then exits the room, leaving the three of us still comfortably relaxed in the lounge. After a little while of watching the football match, Niall asks me if the Earth House football team had many new students sign up for tryouts at the Involvement Fair.

"Yeah, we had a good handful of students put their names down," I answer happily. "Tryouts start next week Monday. I'm buzzing, can't wait for Monday." I glance down at Niall's guitar. "Hey, did you get many to sign up for Guitar Club?"

"Yeah, we got a few," he says, still strumming the guitar's strings. "There's one new first-year who wants to join but doesn't know how to play and doesn't have a guitar to practice on. Harry, I think his name was. I told him to stop by the guitar shop this weekend. I work in the morning."

"Hmm, interesting," I say. "Maybe this year I should learn how to play, too. I don't know, though, I think I'd rather just keep trying to get better at piano." I make a mental note to myself to visit the piano practice rooms in the fine arts building next week sometime. 

"Fair enough," Niall says. He starts playing a tune on his guitar that sounds familiar to my ears. It sounds like..."Hey There Delilah"? One of my favorite songs.

"Niall, you're a man after me own heart," I say, swaying along to the soothing melody coming from the guitar.

Niall smiles and starts humming along. Soon enough Liam and I join in, singing the words softly. Our voices harmonize nicely together, filling the room with a pleasing sense of calmness. 

When the song comes to an end, Niall looks up from his guitar at Liam and I. "I swear, we could've been on the X factor or some shit like that." Liam and I laugh.

"If we had Zayn with us, we could've been like that one group of boys they formed a couple years ago," Liam remarks. "What's their name...?" We all take a moment to think, trying to recall the band's name.

"Can't remember..." I say. "I think they're doing pretty well now out in the music industry, aren't they? Either way, we'd still need another person. That group has five members, I think."

"Maybe we'll find that fifth person this year, who knows?" Liam says. He puts his phone down and stretches his arms above his head. "Well, I better get to bed. It's getting late. You want to head back to the room, Neil?"

Niall thinks about it for a second and then nods. He gets up and begins to follow Liam out of the room.

"We'll see you later, Louis," Niall says. "Let's hang out again sometime this weekend."

"Good-night, mate," Liam says, yawning into his hand. 

I nod, saying good-night to the both of them as they exit the room. I sit there by myself in the lounge for a little while longer, figuring Zayn will still want some more privacy in our room while he talks to Gabrielle on the phone. I watch the football match on TV, and before I know it, I'm thinking about the Aquarius boy again. I blame it on the green grass of the football pitch on the screen; it's reminding me of the boy's eyes.


	8. Chapter 8 (Harry)

I breathe in the fresh morning air and gaze out over the campus grass, still gleaming from moisture after last night's rain. The golden sunlight is making everything sparkle, the dew drops catching the light and reflecting it back out to be admired by the odd few students who've gotten up early to enjoy the first Saturday morning of the school year.

After admiring the magical quality of my surroundings for a minute, I look down at my phone and squint at the screen. I've pulled up Google Maps to give me directions to Flicker Music & Guitar Studio, the guitar shop where Niall works. The map is telling me I need to go east. I start walking along the campus sidewalks toward the east end of campus, which I'm already close to because Air House is located in the northeast corner of campus.

I reach the road that borders the campus's eastern edge and cross it, realizing that this is the first time since being driven to campus on move-in day that I've been off-campus. The last several days have been so hectic, with orientation activities and the start of classes, that I haven't had time to properly think about exploring the city of Ashbourne outside of the AZU campus. Now that I'm about to do so—even if I'll only be exploring a small part of the city that's located nearby—I feel a sudden burst of excitement.

It takes me about fifteen minutes to reach the street where the guitar shop is located. It's a quaint little street, with small, cramped shops lining both sides. There are a few cars parked along the sides of the street, and I spot a few people milling about.

As I walk along the sidewalk in the direction of the guitar shop, I'm struck by how ordinary the city has looked so far. I could have been walking down the sidewalk of any old town or city in England for all I knew. The only clear reminder I'd had of being in the middle of a Zodiac city were the dressing patterns of the people I'd seen. I look down the narrow street and see that all of the people in view are wearing the telltale colors of their respective signs: there's an elderly woman there, wrapped in a Cancer grey sweater, and a young woman there, donning an Aries red dress and holding the small hand of a toddler wearing a Capricorn green t-shirt.

Capricorn green...my thoughts drift to the nameless Capricorn boy again. Ever since I bumped into him— _literally,_ bumped into him—in Textbook Services, I'd been hoping I would see him again somewhere on campus, just to get sight of those startlingly blue eyes once more. No such luck. Maybe I'll be luckier next week. My radar for anyone wearing Capricorn green on campus has sharpened exponentially over the past few days in my desperation to see the boy again. It's only a matter of time before we cross paths again, right?

I shake my head, trying my best to return my thoughts to the present. Looking down at my phone, I see that I'm just a few steps away from the guitar shop. I walk the short distance to the front of the shop, looking up at the store sign to make sure it's the right place. There is a front display window in which two gleaming guitars are sitting, and there's a sign taped against the window that reads "Guitar Lessons Offered Here."

I push open the door and enter the front area of the cramped shop, immediately amazed by the overwhelming number of guitars that are hanging on display against each wall. From a brief glance around the space, I observe that there are guitars of all kinds for sale—brand-new, used, acoustic, electric, bass—and in a variety of shapes, sizes, and colors.

I'm standing there gazing around me in awe when a familiar voice startles me out of my stupor.

"Hey, you came! It's Harry, right?" Niall says from behind a desk on the far side of the room, grinning at me.

"Yeah, Niall, right?" I ask. He nods. As I approach the desk he's standing behind, I see that the shop extends into a back section beyond the desk, where there appear to be stands of sheet music and lesson books, other musical instruments—I can see a keyboard, drum set, and a few other brass instruments—instrument cleaning supplies, and miscellaneous music-related equipment and accessories. I silently congratulate the owners of the shop in effectively using every single square-inch of space in the place.

"So, you still want to rent one?" Niall asks me, nodding his head at the wall of guitars to his left.

I nod and smile. "Yeah, I think so."

"Well, let me show you the guitars we have available for rent," he says, coming out from behind the desk and walking across the room to a specific section of guitars.

I spend the next hour or so trying out several different guitars, enjoying the novel sensation of each new set of strings under my fingers, each new guitar strap slung over my shoulder, while I listen attentively to Niall as he explains the unique features of each new instrument I'm holding. After much contemplation, I'm eventually able to narrow down my choices and decide on the guitar that feels the most comfortable in my hands. I look at the price tag, and my stomach drops.

Niall notices my reaction and seeks to reassure me quickly. "That's the price if you were to buy it. The monthly rental cost is only about a fourth of that."

"Oh, okay, that's more reasonable," I say, relieved. "Still, I was hoping to get lessons here, too, and I'm sure the cost of those will add up..." It would be nice to make a little extra money working somewhere while I'm at AZU. My classes are all introductory ones, and they don't seem like they'll be too challenging or time-consuming. I think I'd have time for a part-time job.

Niall seems to read my thoughts. "You know, if you're looking for a job at all, I know there are several shops near here that are hiring right now," he says. "A lot of them are looking for AZU students, and most of them aren't hiring only for specific signs."

"Really? That's very helpful to know," I say gratefully.

I decide I'm going to pay for the first month of rental costs for the guitar, so Niall rings me up at the desk. I leave the store with my guitar safely stored in a guitar case, which I'm hanging onto by the handle on its side.

When I step out onto the sidewalk, I look across the street and see that there is a family entering a bakery opposite the guitar shop. "The Golden Cherry Bakery" is spelled out in rosy red letters across the wide front window of the place, and I notice that there is a large, white sign taped to the window that reads "Now Hiring!" Below these words is a symbol that, from a distance, looks very similar to the AZU logo: a circle made up of the twelve signs in their respective colors. As I cross the street and approach the sign, however, I see that the letters "AZU" aren't printed in the middle of the circle but instead "ASW."

ASW? I spend a moment thinking about what it could mean and a sudden thought enters my head: "All Signs Welcome." That would make the most sense, considering Niall's explanation that most places around here aren't hiring only specific signs.

I peer through the glass inside the bakery and see that the inside isn't very large. There is a little section to the right with wooden tables and chairs, where a few people are sitting and chatting, and to the left is what looks to be the main counter, where a long display of delicious-looking pastries is glowing from a combination of the lights inside the display and the morning sunlight that's streaming in through the glass. Behind the counter are wooden racks containing loaves of bread and other bagged baked goods.

I stand there, my guitar case in hand, contemplating whether I should go inside or not. It doesn't take me long to decide that working in a bakery could be a fun job. Plus, the relatively short distance of this street to campus would be convenient if I were to get a job here.

I push open the door, which creaks a little when it opens, and it hits a little bell above the inside of the door frame. A brown-haired girl behind the counter looks up from placing a fresh set of croissants into the display case and gives me a smile. She looks like she's about my age; I wonder if she's an AZU student, too. She's wearing a brown shirt, meaning she must be a Sagittarius. I notice her glancing down at the guitar case I'm carrying. I feel a bit self-conscious about bringing the bulky thing in here, but I try not to let other people's curious glances around me bother me too much.

The interior of the bakery is warm and cozy, and the delightful scents of baking bread and warm beverages float through the air. My stomach growls, and I realize I'm actually quite hungry after spending so much time at the guitar shop. I approach the counter, eyeing the pastries on the display.

"I think I'll take one of those, actually," I say, nodding toward the plate of croissants that the girl is holding.

Her eyes meet mine, and she gives me a fresh smile. She nods, setting the plate down on the counter, and uses a pair of tongs to pick up one of the steaming pastries.

"Is this for here or to-go?" she asks in a small voice. I'm surprised by the sudden color that blooms in her cheeks when she speaks to me.

"Um...I think I'll have it for here," I answer. "I'll also have some tea, please." I watch her place the croissant on a small plate and then get my tea. When she comes back to the counter to ring me up, I ask if she knows where I could get a job application.

"Oh! Um...l-let me go in the back and get Barbara for you," she says, stumbling on her words slightly. Her cheeks seem to turn a deeper shade of red. "She's the manager here," she adds before disappearing through a pair of swinging doors that lead to the back.

After a moment, the doors open to reveal a short, older woman wearing a flour-dusted apron, a Leo orange shirt, and a sweet smile. The brown-haired girl is following behind her.

"Why, hello, my dear!" the woman says cheerfully in greeting, reaching out her hand for me to shake. "I'm Barbara, the manager here at The Golden Cherry. And what's your name, then? Gwen here tells me you're interested in getting a job here, is that right?"

"Yes, ma'am, I am," I say, smiling. "And my name's Harry."

"Well, it's lovely to meet you, Harry. And please, call me Barbara."

I nod politely. "Lovely to meet you too, Barbara." I notice Gwen going back to placing the remaining croissants into the display case.

"Now, about the job application," Barbara says. "I do things pretty old-fashioned around here. Normally I just sit down and have an informal sort of interview with potential new employees. It's just a chat, really." She pauses, thinking. "You know, if you are willing to wait for just a bit, I can pull some muffins out of the oven and then we can have the interview right out here at one of the tables!" She gestures behind me at the seating area.

I wasn't expecting the whole job application process to move along so quickly, and I certainly don't feel like I'm dressed professionally enough for an interview, but I figure I might as well take advantage of the opportunity while I'm here, and she _did_ say it would be like an informal chat.

"Sounds great to me," I say, smiling.

"Perfect!" Barbara says, hands on her hips. "Well, let me just get back in the kitchen and finish up a few things, and then I'll be right out!" She turns to push open the swinging doors, but before she does, she turns to look over her shoulder at me. "So, what's the story with the guitar, anyway?" She glances down at the black case, grinning.

I laugh. "I just bought a rental across the street. I'm hoping to learn how to play this year."

"Oh, you were over at Flicker Music, were you?" she asks, tilting her head in the general direction of the guitar shop. "Do you know Niall who works over there? Such a sweet boy. His birthday's coming up this next week, I believe! I'll have to bake him something special." She appears to begin a serious contemplation of what exactly she's going to bake for him when she turns around and disappears behind the swinging doors.

. . .

My interview with Barbara consists of questions about previous jobs I've had, my experiences in school, and what I hope to accomplish during my time at AZU. Our chat only goes on for about ten minutes when she looks at me and tells me I'm hired. 

"If you're available, I can train you tomorrow morning, show you the ropes of the place, and have you fill out some paperwork," she says after taking a sip of her tea. "There's not much to it, really. The most important thing is being friendly to the customers. And I've only known you for about thirty minutes, Harry, but I already know you've got a certain charisma about you that would make you perfect for this position."

"Aww, Barbara, you're too sweet," I say, feeling some warmth in my cheeks. "Sounds great. I'll plan on coming back tomorrow, ready to train."

"Looking forward to it!" She drains the rest of her cup of tea and then pushes herself back from the table. "Well, I've got to get back and start baking a couple pies. See you tomorrow morning, say 9:00?"

I nod and watch as her short, stout figure makes a beeline for the swinging doors, her hands fumbling behind her with the strings of her apron. I look toward the counter and am slightly startled to see that Gwen is looking back at me. The moment we make eye contact, her eyes dart down to focus on the coffee cake she's slicing.

. . .

The following morning, I arrive at the bakery, ready to begin my first day of training. I spend the morning and beginning part of the afternoon at Barbara's side, trying my best to absorb and retain all of the information she's telling me as she goes about her duties. I learn how to prepare and bake several different pastries, how to operate the cash register, how to clean the tables and kitchen area, how to do the dishes, and all the other necessary duties that come with working in a bakery. Gwen is there again, and she smiles at me constantly, but she barely speaks to me despite my efforts to start friendly conversation with her.

Eventually, Barbara tells me I've had a good, full day of training and am free to leave whenever I'd like. I've told her my class schedule already, so she's scheduled me to regularly work on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, since I don't have class until the afternoon on those days.

"Oh, and before you leave, Harry, don't forget to take a pastry for the road!" Barbara reminds me, gesturing at the gleaming display case. "You can take a free one after every shift."

While I'm contemplating which particular baked good my taste buds are screaming for at the moment, a plan formulates in my head. I decide on a slice of devil's food cake and then take my leave of the cozy bakery. I cross the street, hoping Niall is working this afternoon.

I enter the guitar shop and am heartened to see the blonde-haired boy sitting behind the counter, playing a soft tune on the guitar in his hands. He looks up when he hears the door open and smiles when he recognizes me.

"Harry! How's the guitar working out for you so far?"

"To be honest, I haven't really gotten the chance to sit down and properly play around with it yet," I admit. "But...I was thinking...I know you said people can get lessons here..."

"Yeah, Scott who works here, he gives people lessons in the back studio room," Niall says, gesturing toward the back section of the shop. "Do you want me to give you his number? He's not in today." At this point, I notice Niall looking down at the paper bag in my hands.

"Well, no..." I say. "I was hoping _you_ would give me lessons, maybe like on campus or something. And I was _hoping_ maybe you'd be up for getting paid in...baked goods?" I set the paper bag containing the slice of devil's food cake on the counter, and Niall's eyes widen slightly. He opens the bag and peers inside. A smile forms on his face, and he looks up at me.

"Were you over at The Golden Cherry? Barbara's one of the best people on the planet." He slides the cake out of the bag on its sheet of waxed paper, eyeing the perfectly sliced mound of chocolate-y goodness.

"Yeah, I just got hired there, actually," I say. I look at the cake, then up at him. "Go on, eat it."

Without hesitation, he lifts up the cake and takes a large bite out of it. His eyes close in apparent bliss as he chews.

"Also, happy birthday!" I say, remembering what Barbara had said. "I heard it's coming up this week."

"Yeah, it's this Friday," he says, his voice muffled by the second bite of cake in his mouth. "Friday the thirteenth." He swallows. "Oh, by the way, that reminds me. The Virgo Birthday Celebration is on Friday night on campus in The Courtyard. Are you planning on going? There's going to be food and music and stuff. I'll be there with a few mates from Earth House." He takes another large bite of cake.

During orientation, I'd heard briefly about the upcoming Virgo Birthday Celebration, which will be celebrating the birthdays of all Virgo students on campus. I'd learned that AZU holds a birthday celebration for each sign throughout the school year, so the Virgo Birthday Celebration is naturally the first one of the year, Virgo birthdays lying between August 23 and September 22.

"Yeah, that sounds like a fun time," I say. "I'll plan on it."

Niall nods, shoving another section of the cake into his mouth.

"So...about the lessons," I say hesitantly.

Niall grins and nods vigorously, swallowing. "It's a deal. Just keep bringing me more of these, mate—Jesus Christ, this is fucking delicious."


	9. Chapter 9 (Louis)

_Miss you lots, Mum. Classes went pretty good this week, however...please send help, my chemistry class is going to be the death of me. At least I have Liam here to save my ass. We had football tryouts this week. Now we've got a solid team for the season. Our first match is a week from today. I'm about to go to the Virgo bday celebration. Hope things are well at home. Love you._

I press "Send" and then stick my phone into the back pocket of my jeans.

"Ready, Zayn?" I ask from my seat at my desk, looking up at my roommate who's laying in his bed, eyes glued to his phone. I'm a bit impatient to get going—the event started over half an hour ago.

He grunts, which I take to mean, _Yes, but just give me a minute._ I'm guessing that he's texting Gabrielle.

Ten minutes later, Zayn and I are making our way through the narrow hallways of Earth House down to the main doors of the building, both of us noting that the hallways seem quieter than usual. I'm guessing almost everyone has already left to go to the party. When we come out of the building, we're immediately bathed in a purplish, golden light from the setting sun. I check my watch; it's about 8:45 PM.

The moment we turn in the direction of The Courtyard, which is located right alongside the Earth House building, we can hear the sounds of people talking loudly, and music is blasting through the air. The celebration is well underway, it seems.

We walk along the campus sidewalk and arrive at the entrance of The Courtyard, which is a large, rectangular space of grass lined by a screen of trees on three of its four sides. AZU hosts many campus events in this outdoor area during the warmer months, including many of the birthday celebrations. Unfortunately, the weather is never nice enough to host the Capricorn Birthday Celebration here, since it always falls sometime right after New Year's.

For the Virgo Birthday Celebration that's happening tonight, The Courtyard is decked out in strings of twinkling white lights, white streamers, white balloons, and white tablecloths. Along one edge of the area are long tables containing food and drink, and I spot the towering white cake, a large V written in frosting on its side. The Virgo birthday cake always looks a bit like a wedding cake, I think. There are students from all signs crowded into the space, some of them dancing in a special area meant for the purpose, some of them sitting down at the tables and eating, some just standing around with drinks in their hands and chatting. It's easy to spot the Virgos among the crowd, the boys all wearing white shirts and the girls wearing white dresses. Lining the edges of The Courtyard are campus guards, clothed in dark gray uniforms. They are strolling back and forth in their positions, keeping a watchful eye on the proceedings.

"Look, there's Liam and Niall," Zayn says, pointing to a spot among the crowd. I follow his finger and see the two Virgo boys standing and chatting with a few other Virgo students. After grabbing drinks for ourselves, we head in their direction, weaving our way through the crowd.

Liam turns around and sees us first. "Well, look who finally decided to show up," he says, lifting his arms in mock surprise.

"Wow, Liam is that you?" I ask, lifting my hand up to my mouth in shock. "Bloody hell, it's been ages since I've heard that much sass come from your mouth."

"Shut it," he says, "or I won't keep helping you with your chemistry." He's trying his best to look annoyed, but I see the corners of his mouth turning up into a smile. Liam studies chemical engineering at AZU, and he's easily the smartest guy I know when it comes to science and logic and math and all that. I'm taking an introductory chemistry course this semester to fulfill a general education requirement, so over the past week I've been leaning on him for support to help me pass this class. As a performing arts student, I've never been the best at solving complex science or math problems.

"Alright, alright, fair enough," I say, punching him lightly in the shoulder. "It's just nice to see you're learning a thing or two from me. Being sassy suits you."

Liam rolls his eyes, still smiling. He turns to my roommate. "Hi Zayn, how's it going?"

"Oh, yah know, mate, just happy it's Friday," he says, shrugging and taking a drink of soda from his cup. "Happy birthday, by the way! I know your birthday was back in August, but still..." He turns to Niall. "And happy birthday, Neil! It's funny how your birthday happened to land exactly on the day of this party."

"Yeah, happy birthday to the both of you," I say, raising my plastic cup in a toast. "Let's hope nothing bad happens, though, since it's Friday the thirteenth."

"Shut up, Louis," Niall reprimands. "You're going to ruin my birthday."

"Sorry, mate," I apologize, patting him on the shoulder. "So Liam..." I say, turning to face the brown-haired boy again, "where's Gwen? Have you spotted her yet?" I look around in the crowd, even though I'm not exactly sure what the Sagittarius girl looks like.

Liam's face reddens. " _No_ , I haven't _spotted_ her yet," he says through his teeth. "I haven't even been looking for her." He's a terrible liar.

"Whatever you say, Payno," I say. While scanning the crowd around us, my heartbeat quickens when I suddenly notice Emily dancing with a few of her Virgo friends a little distance away from us. I hope she doesn't see me—at least not for a while—because I'd rather hang out with the lads then spend time with her tonight. We've only hung out a few times over the past week, and nothing happened between us except the kiss she'd given me one night when we'd had a study session together in the library.

I'm in the middle of contemplating when I'm going to end to our friends-with-benefits relationship when someone approaches our group of four and taps Niall on the shoulder.

The moment my eyes register who the person is, my heart stops in my chest. Jesus fucking Christ. It's the Aquarius boy.

Niall turns around and smiles when he apparently recognizes the boy. "Harry!" he says. "Glad you could come say hello."

Harry. So that's his name. He comes into full view from behind Niall and is just about to say something back to him when his eyes meet mine. He stares at me, his mouth slightly open and his green eyes large. I stare back at him. The people and noise around us seem to fade away for just a moment, and I can hear the blood pumping in my ears. I admire the way his dark brown curls softly frame his face, the way his sharp jaw meets the soft skin of his neck, the way his neck slopes down to meet his shoulders...I stop myself before my eyes travel too far downward.

Niall's voice snaps me back to reality. "Wait, do you two know each other?" he asks, looking between me and Harry with a confused expression written across his face.

I make direct eye contact with Harry, who hasn't stopped looking at me since he recognized me. He's recovered enough of his senses by now, though, to close his mouth. "Well, sort of..." I say, my voice cracking a little. I clear my throat. I need to get a grip. "How do you two know each other?" I ask as normally as I can, gesturing between Niall and Harry.

"Harry's the first-year I was telling you about—the one who rented a guitar from the guitar shop and has been taking lessons from me."

I mentally do a face palm. Harry! Of course. How hadn't I connected the dots before when Niall had mentioned a few days ago he'd started giving guitar lessons to a first-year Aquarius?

"Oh, right!" I say, possibly too enthusiastically. Bloody hell, I need to chill out. The corners of Harry's mouth start to turn up a bit, his eyes still on me. Then his gaze finally breaks away from mine, and he looks at Niall.

"Happy birthday, Niall!" he says, his deep voice cheery. "I brought this for you." I notice now that he's carrying a white paper bag in his hand. He lifts it up, and Niall takes it, grinning.

"It's your favorite," Harry says, and he smiles.

And in that moment, I think to myself that his smile might very well be the death of me. Just when I thought he couldn't get any more attractive...he decides to fucking smile. One corner of his mouth lifts just slightly higher than the other, showing his perfect row of white teeth and making the gentle curves of his eyes crinkle.

I feel an arm drape across my shoulder. "You alright, mate?" Zayn asks me quietly.

I swallow and nod, tearing my eyes away from Harry in order to regain my composure.

"Harry, this is my roommate, Liam, Virgo," Niall says, beginning introductions. "This is Zayn, Capricorn, and this is Zayn's roommate, Louis, Capricorn. Everyone, this is Harry, Aquarius."

Harry gives all us of a fresh smile—goddam him, my knees are starting to feel weak—and nods politely to each of us. "Nice to meet all of you."

"Should we go claim a table and get something to eat?" Liam suggests.

We all nod in agreement and make our way towards an empty table that's nearby. Niall sets down the paper bag that Harry gave him on the table, and Liam and Zayn take off their sweatshirts to lay across the chairs, saving our spots while we go get food.

For the next half hour or so, the five of us eat and chat at our table, enjoying the music and the general merriment of our surroundings. The twinkling white lights that are strung above us seem to get brighter as night falls around us. The whole time we're seated at the table, I keep stealing glances at Harry. Whenever I catch him already looking at me, his eyes quickly turn down and his mouth turns up into a small smile.

We don't directly talk to each other until Zayn leaves to go talk to Gabrielle on the phone, and Niall and Liam get up from the table to go chat with a few of their Virgo friends. It's just the two of us sitting across from each other, both of us awkwardly silent, not sure what to say to each other now that we're alone.

"So..." I say hesitantly, breaking the silence. Harry immediately looks up at me. "How are you liking AZU so far?" God, I hate small talk.

"It's great," he replies. "My classes aren't too bad so far. And I work at a bakery in town, so that's been fun."

"Oh, nice," I say. "What's the name of the bakery? Is it The Golden Cherry?"

"Yep! I just started working there this week. I'm paying Niall in pastries for my guitar lessons."

I laugh. "That's genius. Niall will do pretty much anything if you bribe him with food."

Harry grins and laughs. "So...do you play guitar?"

"Nope," I answer, shaking my head. "I can play piano a little bit, but that's it, really. I think I want to learn guitar someday." I pick an imaginary crumb from the tablecloth in front of me and toss it to the ground. "That's really cool that you're starting lessons and everything. I bet Niall's a good teacher."

"He's great," Harry says, nodding. "I've learned so much already."

We reach a lull our conversation. This time, we don't look down, but instead stare at each other, just taking each other in. I wonder to myself for the thousandth time that night how someone can look so perfect. His facial structure is just...beautiful. His mouth moves; I think he's just said something to me.

"What, sorry?" I ask, embarrassed.

He smiles. "You play football, right?" he repeats.

"Oh, yes," I say, nodding. When all five of us had been at the table before, I'd mentioned that I was excited for Earth House's first football match next Friday.

"That sounds like fun," he says. "I've never been that great at it, but maybe we could kick the ball around sometime..." His voice trails off, and I notice that he's looking at something over my shoulder.

I turn around, and my heart sinks when I see Emily standing there behind me.

"Em!" I say, a bit flustered. I stand up from my chair. "I didn't see you! Have you been having a good time?"

"Oh, yeah, it's been great!" Her cheeks look flushed from dancing. She grabs my arm and begins to drag me toward the area where everyone is dancing. "C'mon, dance with me!" Her eyes are pleading.

I glance back at Harry, and I'm disheartened to see that his expression has completely changed from just seconds before. He's still looking up at me, but his expression looks saddened, maybe even a bit annoyed. My words catch in my throat; I don't know what to say to him. I want to stay sitting there at the table with him, just the two of us, for the rest of the night—even if our conversation is a bit awkward. I want to just keep staring at him, imprinting his features in my memory.

But I look down at his dark blue t-shirt, and I am reminded afresh of the impossibility of my fantasies ever coming true with this Aquarius boy. We can't be together. Aquariuses and Capricorns are incompatible. I don't want to risk being kicked out of a university that is paying my expenses in full.

The girl who is pulling my arm, urging me to come with her, is a Taurus. According to Ashbourne's city rules, we are compatible. My life will be so much easier if I just enjoy being in Emily's company and forget about Harry.

But how can I forget about this curly-haired boy? I barely know him, but I've never been more certain of feeling such a deep connection with someone else. I want to get to know him better. I want to spend more time with him. I want to...

"Louis, are you coming or not?" Emily asks me, sounding frustrated that I haven't budged from my position near the table.

I turn to look at Harry again, and this time I see that he's gotten up from his chair.

"It was nice to meet you, Louis," he says. "I think I'll go join some of my friends from Air House." He nods in the direction of a group of students nearby who are wearing Aquarius blue and Gemini yellow. He gives me a parting smile, and walks away. Just like that.

I push down the feelings of anger and frustration that boil up inside me. Why— _why_ —did Emily have to show up? Why couldn't I have just said to her I wanted to keep talking to Harry, and that I'd dance with her later?

"Jesus, Louis, will you stop spacing out? You're starting to freak me out," Emily says. She tugs again at my arm.

"Sorry," I say rather shortly. "Alright, let's go dance for a bit."

For the rest of the night, I remain alert, secretly keeping an eye out for any sign of Harry in the crowd. I never see him. He must have left the party without me noticing.


	10. Chapter 10 (Harry)

"Mmphm, and then if you hold down your index finger on the third string there, and your middle finger there...you've got the D major chord," Niall explains to me, demonstrating the finger placements on his own guitar. "It's pretty simple, really."

"Yeah, maybe for someone who's been playing guitar since they were twelve," I say, feeling frustrated by my fingers' unwillingness to cooperate with Niall's instructions.

Niall and I are sitting in one of the lounges in the fine arts building, and I'm guessing we might be two of the last people left in the building at this time of the day. It's Friday evening, and I've gotten through my second full week of classes. None of my classes have been too difficult so far, which has been a real blessing. The lack of stress-filled nights of studying and writing essays and all that has allowed me more time to adjust to living on campus, and I've been able to work a few more hours at the bakery.

I glance at the small table next to Niall, where a pastry bag from The Golden Cherry is sitting. His payment for today's lesson is a lemon poppy-seed muffin. I'm surprised he hasn't devoured it yet; I guess he's waiting to eat until after we've finished.

My guitar lesson continues for another twenty minutes or so, which mostly consists of me trying to memorize the finger placements of different chords and attempting to play a few simple melodies, following Niall's lead. I'm grateful that he's a very patient instructor. As we're placing our guitars into our cases at the end of the lesson, Niall changes the topic of conversation.

"Hey, I was going to ask you...do you want to go to the Earth vs. Water football match tonight?" he asks. "My roommate Liam and my friend Zayn are both going. You met them at the Virgo Birthday Celebration last week."

"Yeah, I remember them," I say, nodding. Of course, his mention of the birthday event immediately makes my thoughts turn to Louis. A fresh wave of embarrassment washes over me when I think about how awkward our conversation had been and how I'd been unable to keep my eyes off of him the entire night. I also feel a crushing sense of disappointment, remembering the sudden appearance of the Taurus girl at Louis's side in the middle of our conversation. I wonder for the thousandth time who she is. Is she Louis's girlfriend? I looked up which signs are compatible with Capricorns, and Tauruses are one of them. So it would be perfectly acceptable for them to be together.

From what I had observed before leaving the party that night, the girl had seemed happy to be spending time with Louis...but had Louis been happy to be with her? Maybe it's just wishful thinking on my part, but it seemed like Louis wasn't quite as into her as she was into him. And it had seemed like maybe—maybe—he'd rather have stayed at our table to chat with me?

I shake my head slightly, trying to clear my head. I'm overthinking everything. The simple fact is, there's a girl in Louis's life whose sign happens to be compatible with his own. And he's clearly known her for much longer than he's known me. I need to accept that nothing more is going to happen between me and him, because it's not allowed.

But...I'd sworn that he'd been giving me the same glances of interest that night that I'd been giving him, and there had been a spark of something between us when my green eyes had met his blue ones...

"Louis's playing in the match, right?" I ask Niall, the question coming from my mouth before consciously deciding to ask it.

Niall looks down and smiles, securing the clasps of his guitar case. Does he know something's going on between us? Did Louis say anything to him about me?

"Yes, Louis is playing," he replies. "So, you want to come?" He stands up, picking up his case and the pastry bag.

"Yeah," I answer, getting up from my seat. If it's a chance for me to see Louis again, then of course I'm not going to pass it up. I haven't seen him since last Friday at the party, but I've been thinking about him almost non-stop since then.

Niall and I walk through the empty building to the main doors, guitar cases in hand. When we get outside, we agree to meet up at the front gates of the football pitch about twenty minutes before the match starts. We part ways, Niall walking in the direction of Earth House, me heading toward Air House.

As I'm walking along the campus sidewalk, enjoying the fresh air and the evening sunshine, I notice a girl wearing a Sagittarius brown sweater walking the opposite way on the sidewalk, coming towards me. I recognize that it's Gwen, my co-worker. She's carrying a stack of large textbooks in one arm and a heavy-looking bag in the other.

She looks up, seeming to notice me, and then one of her books falls from the stack and lands with a thud on the grass lining the sidewalk. She stops and looks down, her face turning red.

"I got it, Gwen!" I say, jogging forward to retrieve the book from the ground so she doesn't have to bend over.

"Oh, th-thank you," she says quietly when I place the book back onto the stack in her arms.

I smile at her. "No problem. Do you need some help carrying them?" I just want to be helpful; she looks tired from holding on to them.

"Oh, no, that's okay!" she says quickly. "I've got them. I'm just walking back to Fire House, so it's not too far away."

"Well, alright," I say. "I guess I'll see you...tomorrow? Do you work tomorrow?"

"Yep, I'll be there," she says, her eyes turned down.

"Okay, see you tomorrow, then!"

"Yeah, see you later!" she says before hurrying off.

. . .

I approach the front gates of the football pitch, the sounds of people bustling about and the smells of concession food drifting through the September air. I don't see Niall, Zayn, or Liam standing near the gates, so I wait for them to arrive. There are throngs of AZU students and Ashbourne citizens arriving to line up in front of the ticket booths. It's entertaining to observe how many people of each sign are showing up to watch the match. The percentage of people from the Earth and Water elements does seem to be higher than people from Air or Fire.

Eventually, I spot three boys—two wearing white, one wearing green—making their way towards me.

"Hey, Harry," Niall says, grinning. "Sorry we're a bit late..." He glances at Zayn, giving him a look of exasperation.

"Someone was taking forever to get out of the shower," Liam says, throwing his arm around Zayn's shoulders and shaking him slightly.

"Alright, alright," Zayn says, wiggling out from under Liam's arm. "We're here before the match started, aren't we?"

I laugh. "It's alright, don't worry about it," I say reassuringly. Zayn smiles at me.

"I like this guy," he says, putting his own arm around my shoulders. "He's nice at least..."

We get in line to buy our tickets and then make our way toward the student section of the bleachers. The stands are already fairly full with people; some are already munching on food from the concession stand, some are chatting with those around them, and some are looking at their phones, waiting for the match to start.

The student section is somewhat separated into the different houses, although there is still some variability in where students are sitting. The front of the student section mainly consists of the two houses that are competing in the match tonight: on one end are the maroons, whites, and greens of Earth House, and on the other end are the greys, violets, and blacks of Water House. Behind them are the remaining houses, a less distinct division between them.

I follow Niall, Liam, and Zayn toward the Earth House section, where we find an open space to sit. I feel a bit self-conscious being one of the only Air House students in this section, but I just shrug off the few curious glances that come my way from those around me. I'm just happy that I'm here with some of my new friends and that I get to see Louis again. I wonder suddenly if the Taurus girl from the birthday party is here to watch Louis. I take a quick look around me, picking out the students wearing maroon-colored clothing, but I don't see her. Is it wrong to hope that she isn't here?

Niall stands up from his seat and looks down the bleacher at the rest of us. "I'm going to get something to eat before it starts—y'all want anything?"

I already ate some snacks in my dorm room before coming, so I shake my head. Zayn doesn't want anything either. Liam asks Niall to get him a bag of popcorn.

"Alright, save my spot," Niall says as he leaves.

I look out over the green expanse of the football pitch, excited and a little impatient for the match to start. Zayn, who's sitting next to me, nudges my shoulder.

"Louis's number is 28, by the way," he says, smiling at me.

"Oh, okay, thanks," I say, nodding and smiling gratefully at him. "So, were you guys roommates last year, too?" I ask.

He nods. "Yep, we were randomly put together as first-years, and I guess we got on well enough to want to be roommates again this year." He pauses, looking out over the pitch. "He can be loud and obnoxious sometimes, but you can tell he cares a lot about his family and friends. He's a great friend."

I smile at Zayn's description of Louis. I'm hungry to know more—especially about Louis's relationship with the Taurus girl—but I don't press him to tell me more. That would be too obvious.

Just before the match is about to start, Niall returns with an armful of food. He carefully hands Liam his popcorn while trying to balance the precarious pile of food items he's grasping. Bloody hell, the boy really is a bottomless pit.

A minute later, the Earth and Water House football players run out onto the pitch, rousing cheers from the stands. The match is about to start. I immediately search for the jersey with the number 28 among the Earth House players, who are all donned in uniforms containing the colors of the three Earth signs: maroon for Taurus, white for Virgo, and green for Capricorn. It doesn't take me long to find him; I feel a rush of happiness upon seeing him again, even if I am at a distance.

Soon a whistle blows, and the match starts. Over the next two hours, I watch with excitement as the match unfolds, mainly keeping my eyes focused on Louis as he runs back and forth across the pitch. Whenever Earth House gets a goal, I stand up and cheer with the Earth House students around me, temporarily forgetting that I'm from a different house.

The match isn't a close one. Earth House wins 4-0. I watch with elation as Louis joins his teammates in celebrating their victory out on the pitch at the end of the match. The stands around us go mad, all of Earth House cheering, whistling, and clapping. After the Earth and Water House teams shake each other's hands, the Earth House players wave up at the stands, all of them grinning from ear to ear.

The students around us start to gather their belongings and make their way down the stairs of the bleachers toward the exits. Liam helps Niall gather up the trash from all of the food he ate, and then the four of us begin our descent through the stands. Once we reach the exit gates of the pitch, Niall turns around to look at me.

"Harry, we're going to stay and say 'hi' to Louis before we leave to go back to campus," he says. "You can leave if you want..."

"No, I'll stay," I say quickly. Niall smiles slightly and nods.

I start to feel more and more nervous as we wait for Louis and watch the throngs of students and Ashbourne citizens leave the sporting grounds. The students are walking back to campus, while the citizens are heading in the direction of the car park that's located a little distance away. It's been a full week since I've talked to Louis. Has he thought about me as much as I've thought about him?

"There they are," Liam says.

My heart leaps into my throat when I see a few Earth House football players emerge from an opening in the gate to our left. Then I see Louis, carrying his football bag and talking to one of his teammates, the sound of his voice distinct from the others. When he sees us, he smiles in our direction and then does a double take, this time looking directly at me. My heart flutters when I see that his face lights up. He's happy to see me again, too. He says something in parting to his teammate before making his way over to us.

Niall, Liam, and Zayn don't hesitate go up to Louis and give him a congratulatory pat on the shoulder, telling him it was a great match. I hang back at first, but then move forward when Louis's smiling eyes meet mine.

"Harry!" he says. "You came!" His grin widens.

"Of course! Wouldn't want to miss the first match of the season," I say, trying my best not to stumble on my words in his presence. Up close, I can tell that he's sweaty, and his skin glows from prolonged exercise. Something stirs inside me when I feel the heat emanating off of him, and I swallow, trying to control myself.

"Well, thanks for coming," Louis says, apparently not noticing my internal struggles. He turns to the other three boys and puts his arm around Liam. "Hopefully these lads didn't drive you mad, being around them so long. "

I laugh. "No, they didn't. I had a great time."

"Harry, you should hang out with us more often," Zayn says, putting his arm around my shoulders. "You're a cool guy."

I look at Louis, and he just smiles and nods, his eyes turned down to the ground. "Well," he says, looking up at us, "my teammates and I are going out to eat, so...I guess I'll just catch you guys later?"

"Sounds good, mate," Niall says. "Let's hang out this weekend sometime."

Before Louis turns to join his teammates, who are gathered in a group nearby, he looks at me and says quietly, "Seriously, mate, it means a lot that you came." Then he gives me a small smile, and I swear I see his eyes travel down and up my body, just briefly. And then he walks off, and I'm left standing there, overwhelmed by the sound of blood rushing through my ears.


	11. Chapter 11 (Louis)

Zayn is still fast asleep when I leave the room, even though it's late morning by now. I walk through the hallways of Earth House, wrapping my arms around my torso and snuggling deeper into my dark green sweatshirt. When I emerge from the building, I'm surprised by the chill in the air and the light drizzle that's coming from the overcast sky above. It seems unusually cold for a mid-September morning.

As I make my way toward the east end of campus, I don't see very many other students out and about, which I'm guessing is due in large part to the weather. It does feel like a perfect Saturday morning to stay inside.

But I've been anxious to see Harry again ever since last night at the football match, and my resolve to visit him at The Golden Cherry this morning is unwavering despite the chill in the air. I just want to be near him again and maybe talk to him a little, even if it's only for a brief while. Maybe it had been due to the extended period of exercise from playing in the match, but my body had seemed extra warm when I'd been in close proximity with him last night. Ever since then, I've been feeling an increasingly desperate need to experience the same inner warmth again.

I cross the road that borders the eastern edge of campus, having to wait first for two campus security vehicles to drive by. The campus security base is located just a little distance down the road to my right. I'm fairly used to the guards' constant presence on campus, but the sight of them this morning sends a small jolt of fear through my body. What would happen if they knew who I was going to meet right now and my reasons for doing so?

I've heard about a few incompatible couples being caught by the AZPD in the years since the opening of the city. Some have been AZU students, others regular Ashbourne citizens. From what I've heard, the severity of the consequences of being caught doing anything considered too 'intimate' with someone of an incompatible sign depends on how many times you've been caught before. First, you get a sort of verbal warning, and the next time, you get fined a pretty considerable sum. After that, I'm not actually sure what happens. I suppose most couples decide to end their relationship after having to pay for their intimacy, or they decide to wait until they've both lived in Ashbourne for the required two years so they can move out of the city and finally enjoy the romantic freedoms they've been deprived of. 

Or, I guess they grow secretive enough in their actions so that they can still be in a relationship without the AZPD finding out. I've never been to a secret party in Ashbourne, where incompatible couples covertly meet to enjoy each other's company without the oppressive presence of the police getting in between them. Niall went to one last year during our winter holiday, between fall and spring semester. I believe it was held at someone's secluded mansion out in the Ashbourne countryside. He went to the party with a Scorpio girl, someone who he wouldn't be allowed to date out in the open. I don't think anything ever came of his relationship with this girl, but he'd still said he'd enjoyed the experience of being able to go to a place where love was being celebrated in all forms, between all signs.

I've reached the narrow street where the bakery is located. I'm fairly familiar with this area of town; when Niall got a job at the guitar shop last year, I stopped by a few times and explored the various shops along the street. I'd gone in The Golden Cherry a couple times to get some tea or something to eat, and each time, the quaint little place had felt very welcoming and home-y. I smile to myself. And now _Harry's_ going to be in there, which will make it ten times better inside.

I walk along the sidewalk and eventually look up to see the front windows of the bakery across the street. 'The Golden Cherry Bakery' is printed across the water-speckled glass in rosy red lettering. I cross the street, eager to get inside and escape the chilly air. Just before I open the door, I peer through the glass and feel my heart begin to pound in my chest when I see a tall, curly-haired boy wearing a dark blue long-sleeve shirt standing behind the main counter of the place, apparently arranging pastry items in the front display case. 

I push open the door, which creaks a bit when I do so, and hear a small bell ring above me. The heavenly aroma of baking bread surrounds me the instant I step into the shop. I look towards the counter and grin when I see Harry already smiling in my direction. I feel a rush of warmth, and for the first time this morning, I don't feel like I need my sweatshirt. God, his _smile_. 

I approach the counter, noting that there aren't very many customers in here at the moment. Harry is by himself at the counter.

"Louis!" he says, his voice bright. "I wasn't expecting to see you here." His green eyes travel over my face as he runs his hand through his hair. Why is it that everything about him—his looks, his mannerisms—is absolutely perfect? 

"Yeah, I guess I just wanted to thank you again for coming to my match last night," I say, looking down and suddenly feeling a bit self-conscious.

"It was really cool to see you play," he says. "You're really good."

I look up at this and smile, giving him a small nod in thanks. My stomach growls softly. I glance to my left at the display case and begin to run my eyes over all of the different baked goods that are available for purchase. My eyes land on my favorite.

"I think I'm going to get piece of carrot cake," I say, pointing over at one of the heavily frosted slices of orange cake. "And some Yorkshire tea, please," I add politely.

Harry smiles and nods, getting the cake out of the display. Before he gets the tea, he looks up at me. Even though we've only interacted a total of three times since first meeting each other, I know exactly what he's silently asking me. _Are you going to stay here and eat this, or is this to-go?_

"I'm going to eat here," I say. Harry nods and goes to the back counter to pour me some tea, a smile still on his face. He returns with a steaming cup in his hands, full to the brim.

I'm reaching for my wallet, about to pay, when Harry stops me by placing his hand on my arm. I look up in surprise, and he takes his hand away from my skin like it's red-hot. A little color starts to creep into his face.

"N-no, you don't have to pay," he mumbles, shaking his head. He glances behind him towards a set of swinging doors and then turns back to me. "The cake will be the free item I get for working this shift," he explains. 

"But-" I start.

"No really, don't worry about it," he says, shaking his head again at the wallet in my hand.

"Well, thanks," I say, admiring his generosity. "Do you think...are you able to come chat at one of the tables for a bit?" I ask, nodding my head in the direction of the tables behind me.

His grin widens. "Yeah, I should be able to," he replies. "It's not that busy this morning. I'll go ask my co-worker who's in the back if she can be up at the front for a little while."

"Great," I say, happy that we'll finally be able to have a proper, uninterrupted conversation. "I'll just go sit down."

Harry disappears behind the set of swinging doors, and I grab my plate of cake and cup of tea to make my way to an empty table nearby. Glancing around, I notice that there are only two other people in the café, each of them sitting by themselves, sipping a warm beverage, and looking at the morning paper. 

I sit down and wait, sipping my own warm beverage and keeping an eye on the swinging doors. Soon enough, Harry appears with a brown-haired girl behind him, who's smiling and laughing at something Harry's just said. He laughs with her and then says something, turning to glance over in my direction. She looks over at me, and I notice her smile fade just slightly. Who is this girl?

No. NO. I am not getting bloody jealous. I tear my eyes away from the two behind the counter and look down at the large piece of carrot cake that's sitting on the small plate in front of me. For fuck's sake, I'm technically still with Emily, so who am I to get a bit angry over seeing Harry laughing with another girl? She's wearing a brown shirt, so she must be a Sagittarius. Aquariuses and Sagittariuses are compatible. Fucking hell. I stick a forkful of cake into my mouth and chew. My negative thoughts dissipate when I realize that this is quite possibly the best carrot cake I've ever eaten in my life. 

Out of my peripheral vision, I see Harry come out from behind the counter and make his way over to me. I look up from my plate and smile at him as he takes a seat in the chair opposite me. He sets a steaming cup of tea in front of him; it looks like he's poured himself some Yorkshire tea as well. 

Harry nods at my slice of cake. "So...how is it?"

"Amazing," I say after swallowing another forkful. "I'd forgotten how much I love carrot cake."

He laughs through his nose. "Yeah, not sure what I was thinking getting a job at a bakery." He pats his stomach and slouches slightly in his chair. "Barbara's going to single-handedly make me gain the 'freshman fifteen.' She's the manager."

I nod in understanding. "That's why I've got football to keep my ass in shape."

He laughs. "Fair enough. Hey, how was the dinner with your teammates last night?"

"Oh, it was nice! We ate at a place called The Celtic Tree downtown. It's an Irish pub."

"Niall would approve," Harry says.

I laugh, nodding and looking down at my cake. "Hey, what about your guitar lesson payment? Don't you need this cake to pay Niall with?"

"No, no, it's fine!" he says reassuringly. He turns to look to his left and right, rather dramatically, and then leans across the table and whispers, "I'll just steal a muffin or something when Barbara's not looking." He leans back in his chair. "We always throw out extras at the end of each day anyway."

I shrug my shoulders and nod. "Fair enough. But how do you feel secretly stealing from a poor old woman?" Maybe I shouldn't have added this last part—I'm not sure how he'll take the banter. 

To my delight, he throws it right back at me. "Well if it means that much to you, I guess you'll have to pay up, then." He holds his hand out, apparently waiting for me to hand him the cash. I'm amused by the cheeky smile that he can't help from breaking out across his face the longer he holds my gaze.

"I guess so," I say, loudly sighing in defeat as I reach for my wallet in the back of my jeans pocket.

"No, really, Louis, it's all good," he says, lowering his hand. I like hearing him say my name.

I shrug again. "Well, if you insist..." Instead of grabbing my wallet, I reach forward and pick up my fork, taking another bite of cake. We make direct eye contact and smile at each other. I imagine we're both silently saying to each other, _We get on really well, you and I._

We each take a sip of tea and look away from each other for a minute. It's almost exhausting staring into his eyes for extended periods of time, just because their green depths are so mesmerizing. After a little while, Harry breaks the silence.

"I'm glad we're able to...hang out like this," he says, gesturing between the two of us, hesitating a bit. "We haven't really been able to be alone since we first met. I'm glad you could come this morning and visit me here."

"Of course," I say. "I think we should hang out more like this." This last sentence comes out of my mouth before I really decide to say it.

Harry gives me a wide grin. "I completely agree."

"Let's get each other's phone numbers," I say. Harry nods and reaches for his phone in his pocket while I do the same.

When I look at my phone, I notice that I've recently gotten a text from my mum. Before I tap on my 'Contacts' app, I look to see what she's messaged me. My heart misses a beat when I read her text.

_Louis, I need to talk to you asap  
_

My brain floods with hundreds of possibilities of what could've happened back at home. Is my mum okay? Are the girls okay? Did someone get in an accident? Did someone go to hospital? What could it be? Of course, something would happen now that I'm not allowed to leave Ashbourne until the end of the semester for winter holiday. Maybe I could talk to someone in administration on campus and ask if I could leave the city for just a little while if it's a family emergency...

"Louis?"

I snap back to reality when I hear Harry's voice. He's staring at me, his expression one of concern.

"Are you alright?" he asks, looking from me to my phone in my hand. "Did something happen?"

"Oh, er, my mum texted me, and I...I think I should really call her," I say, trying to keep my voice steady. I can feel blood pumping through my body, pounding in my ears.

Harry nods and gets up from the table, still looking concerned. He grabs his tea. "I'll go back to work for a bit, then, so you can call her. I hope everything's okay."

"Thanks, mate," I say gratefully and watch as he walks back to the counter.

I take a deep breath and press the 'call' button under my mum's name. She picks up on the second ring.

"Louis!" The first thing I notice is that she's not crying, which helps me breathe a bit easier.

"Mum, what's going on?" I ask. I try to keep my voice low, seeing as the bakery is fairly quiet with so few customers.

"Louis, something really strange has happened." I hear her take a breath.

"Okay...go on, Mum."

"Your dad texted me two photos this morning. Louis, it's been _years_ since I've talked to him. _Years._ "

I'm as shocked as she is by this news of him reaching out to her. My mum and dad split up when I was a toddler, and they've barely spoken since. I've only seen him a few times since they split up; the last time I saw him was when I was like twelve or something. I've never felt a particularly positive connection with him. For the majority of my childhood, my step-dad, Matt, became the father figure in my life. I've never really felt the need to get to know my biological dad better.

"What were the photos of?" I ask, beyond curious. 

"Honey, you played against Water House in a football match last night, right?" she asks, temporarily avoiding answering my question.

I had texted her last night while eating out with my teammates, telling her we'd had our first victory of the season.

"Yes...?" I say, impatient for her to continue.

"The photos were of you, Louis," she says. "In both of them, you're playing out on the AZU football pitch, wearing your Earth House jersey with your teammates. And there are Water House players out on the pitch, too. It looks like the photos were taken from somewhere in the stands."

My phone almost slips from my hand. "My dad was..."

"...at your game last night," my mom finishes, her voice sounding a bit breathless. "Unless he got the photos from someone else, but...that doesn't seem likely."

"No..." I say in agreement, shaking my head and rubbing my eyes with my free hand. How the _fuck..._ My dad's in Ashbourne? He was at my fucking _game_? How did he...? Why...? Half-formed questions jumble up in my head, but my brain is too foggy for me to attempt to come up with answers for any of them.

"I texted him back," my mum continues, "asking him where he is, but he hasn't responded. I tried calling him, too, but I just got his answering machine. I don't know what he's doing there, Louis, or where he is..." Her voice catches in her throat.

I pull myself out of my thoughts and rush to comfort her. "Mum, it'll be alright. Don't worry so much, okay? Please, just don't worry. I'll let you know if I see or hear anything, alright? Believe me, there are police _everywhere_ here, so nothing bad's going to happen."

"Just promise me you'll be careful, sweetie," she says, her voice quiet. 

I wish more than anything that I could pull her into a hug right now, but I blink back the tears that have started to form in my eyes and try to be strong.

"I promise," I say. "I love you, Mum."

"I love you, Louis," she says. "Talk soon, okay? Have a good Saturday."

"You, too."

We say good-bye and hang up. I let out a deep sigh and look down at my tea. I pick up the cup and lift it shakily to my mouth, hoping the tea's warmth will help ease the tension in my body. I glance over at the counter and see Harry already looking at me, his face still concerned. I try to smile reassuringly at him, but I must fail at doing so, because he walks over towards me with his brows still drawn together.

"Is everything okay?" he asks, sitting down opposite me.

"Sort of..." I say, not really wanting to go into it all with Harry at the moment. I still need to get a hold of my own thoughts. "I think I should go, Harry," I say. "I really would like to stay longer, but...I need some time to think some things through..."

"I understand," Harry says. Looking up at him, I'm pained to see the expression on his face. I can tell he's trying to hide his disappointment that I have to leave so abruptly. I reach across the table and place my hand on his arm, trying to give him a consoling smile. His looks up into my eyes at my touch and the corners of his mouth turn up.

"Promise we'll hang out again soon?" he asks.

I pull my hand away and nod. "Definitely."


	12. Chapter 12 (Harry)

I watch Louis open the door and leave the bakery, still feeling concerned about his conversation on the phone with his mum. He hadn't seemed upset when he'd talked with her, more just shocked or surprised. I hope it's nothing serious, and I also hope he knows that he can talk to me about anything, even if we barely know each other.

I peer through the water speckled glass windows of the bakery, trying to make out Louis's dark green sweatshirt outside. His blurry form crosses the street after letting a car go past. When he disappears from view, I sigh and walk back over to the main counter, dragging my feet slightly in disappointment. Our conversation was yet again interrupted by someone else. When will other people just leave us alone and let us talk? Is that too much to ask for?

I realize that it's selfish of me to think this way, especially when Louis's mum is involved. The Taurus girl from the Virgo Birthday Celebration, though...that's different. I make my way around the back of the counter and see that Gwen is sticking date labels onto fresh bags of bread. Good thing someone around here is doing something useful; I've been a sorry excuse for an employee ever since Louis walked through the door.

Gwen looks up at me and gives me a sweet smile. Her expression changes to one of slight concern, though, when she sees my face. I'm having a difficult time hiding my disappointment.

"Everything alright?" she asks, peeling a sticker from the sheet of labels in her hand.

"Yeah, I was just hoping to get to spend more time with my...friend," I say, shrugging.

"Oh, I see." She nods in understanding.

I start to help her with the labels. "Thanks for coming out to the front to help while I talked with him," I say gratefully. "If Barbara needs you in the back, I've got it here at the counter."

She doesn't respond right away. Instead, there is a bit of an awkward pause. When she does speak, her voice is quiet and a bit shaky. "You know, something that might cheer you up is the dance that's coming up next Saturday, on the 28th." She says all of this quickly, not making eye contact with me.

Just this last week, my roommate Ed had mentioned something about the homecoming dance coming up and how he was thinking about asking this one Leo girl to go with him. Of course, I'd immediately starting thinking about what it'd be like to go with Louis and spend a night on the dance floor with him. Then I'd woken up from my daydream and reality had hit me like a slap in the face. How long is it going to take for me to wrap my head around the fact that Aquariuses and Capricorns can't be seen doing anything intimate or romantic with each other in public? Plus, maybe Louis is already planning on going with that Taurus girl...

"Yeah, I'm not so sure if I'm going," I say. "Maybe with a few friends or something..." I wonder if Niall, Liam, or Zayn will be going.

"Oh," Gwen says, looking down, her smile disappearing. Then it hits me. Is she hinting that she wants to go to the dance with _me_? Ever since meeting her, she's always been quite shy around me and has stolen glances at me when she thinks I'm not looking. She doesn't have a boyfriend—not that I know of, at least. And our signs are compatible.

She seems like a very nice girl, and honestly, if I hadn't met Louis, I would probably ask her to go with me. But I don't think I would be staying true to myself, and I don't think it would be fair to Gwen, if I asked her to go to the dance. Louis is the person I'd _really_ like to go with, even if we are considered incompatible. I'm trying to figure out how to hint to her that I'm already interested in someone else—without making it obvious that it's the Capricorn boy I was just talking to—when Barbara's sudden appearance saves me the trouble.

"Would one of you come to the back and help me with kneading dough?" she asks, sounding slightly breathless. I turn around and see that her apron is covered in flour, and there are a few splotches of the white stuff on her cheeks, which look flushed with warmth.

Gwen drops the sheet of labels on the counter and moves to follow Barbara to the back. "Yes, Barbara, of course," she says, carefully avoiding my gaze. Both ladies disappear behind the swinging doors, and I'm left at the counter, feeling bad about what I did—and didn't—say to Gwen.

. . .

I glance at the clock before I leave the bakery at the end of my shift, my hand clutching a white pastry bag containing an exceptionally large slice of carrot cake. It's 6:55PM. If I hurry, I should be able to catch Louis at the end of his Tuesday night football practice. I walk quickly back to campus, drawing my coat around me as protection against the cool evening breeze, and head in the direction of the football pitch.

I haven't seen Louis since last Saturday at the bakery, and we never did exchange phone numbers after Louis called his mum, so I haven't been able to contact him to figure out a time to hang out since then. Tonight, I figure it will be a nice surprise to meet him after his football practice and bring him a piece of his favorite cake. I can't wait to see his smile when he sees what I've brought him. It's only been three days since I saw him, but God, I've missed him. I also want to make sure he's alright after his conversation with his mum.

I've almost reached the athletic fields, which are located along the southern end of campus. The sun is setting, its golden light making the sidewalks and grass glow around me. Eventually I reach the chain-link fence surrounding the football pitch and spot several Earth House players casually kicking a ball around, looking tired after their practice. I find Louis and keep my eyes on him, smiling as I watch him talk and laugh with his teammates. None of them appear to notice me standing a little distance away from the gates that lead out onto the pitch. I begin to walk in the direction of the gates when I see all of the players slinging their bags over their shoulders, signaling the end of their practice.

I'm about to wave towards Louis to get his attention when someone suddenly rushes down the bleacher stairs a little distance away from me, taking me by surprise. I realize with a stab of shock and irritation that it's the Taurus girl from the Virgo celebration. Without thinking, I move behind a section of bleachers, out of Louis's view. I watch in disbelief as the girl runs toward Louis and throws herself on him, making him stagger back in surprise as he catches her in his arms.

"Louis!" she squeals, her high-pitched voice ringing through the air. Peering out from behind the bleachers, I see Louis's teammates begin to laugh in amusement at the spectacle. The girl finally pulls away, and my heart sinks when I see Louis smiling at her. She grabs his hand, and they walk through the open gates with their fingers intertwined, chatting to each other. 

I remain standing in my hiding place behind the bleachers, watching as Louis, the girl, and the rest of the football players begin their journey on foot back towards the main part of campus. Eventually, their figures are swallowed up in the gathering darkness, and I'm left by myself, still clutching the bag with the slice of carrot cake.

. . .

"Hey, Gwen?" I say, making her pause in the act of slicing up a loaf of blueberry bread. She doesn't look up at me, but I know she's heard me. Our interactions have been awkward ever since last Saturday, when she brought up the subject of the upcoming dance. Today is Thursday, just two days away from the dance on Saturday.

"I was thinking...about the dance," I say hesitantly. "I know this is pretty short notice, but I was wondering...if you'd want to go with me?"

Now she makes full eye contact with me, and her face breaks out into a wide grin. "Harry, I'd love to!"

"Okay, great!" I say, already unsure if I've made the right decision to ask her to go with me. I get the feeling that she likes me a lot, and I don't know if I reciprocate any significant feelings of interest towards her.

But then, with a stab of pain, I think about seeing Louis smiling and holding hands with the Taurus girl two days ago, and my resolve to try to get over my crush on the Capricorn boy strengthens. I need to move on. Clearly, Louis just sees me as a friend, and I've been reading all the wrong signals. And it would be dangerous for us to be together while living within the city limits anyway.

Going to the dance with Gwen will give me a chance to take my mind off of Louis and focus on potentially pursuing a romantic relationship with someone whose sign is actually compatible with my own. It will be a much-needed fresh start.

Gwen finishes up slicing the blueberry bread, a smile still plastered on her face.

"Hey, can I steal a piece of that?" I ask, nodding toward the plate of bread. "I've got a guitar lesson after my shift tonight and my teacher's been begging me for a blueberry muffin. This will do, I think."

She picks up a pair of tongs and places a slice of the bread into a paper bag. When she hands it to me, we make eye contact, and for the first time since meeting her, I'm taken aback by the startling beauty of her large, brown eyes.


	13. Chapter 13 (Louis)

Emily and I walk hand-in-hand toward the University Center, the purplish hues of twilight bathing our surroundings in a soft, almost eerie, glow. There are students from all four corners of campus making their way towards the same central building, where the homecoming dance is being held tonight. I see other couples with their fingers intertwined, picking their way through the gathering darkness, and I also see many groups of friends walking together, talking and laughing in excitement for the night to come.

I wonder if Zayn, Niall, and Liam have already left Earth House and made it inside the University Center. They are going to the dance as a group, since Zayn's girlfriend isn't here, Niall doesn't have a date, and Liam's crush is of an incompatible sign. I wonder if Gwen will be here tonight?

As we walk, I glance up and see a boy wearing a black suit with an Aquarius blue tie, walking from the direction of Air House. He's holding the hand of a girl donned in a dress of the same Aquarius blue, and they're both smiling at each other lovingly. I envy their relationship—one that is both permitted by Ashbourne's standards and filled with genuine love. The Aquarius blue makes me think of Harry, who I've been hoping to see ever since I visited him at The Golden Cherry last Saturday. I curse to myself for the thousandth time for forgetting to exchange phone numbers with him after I called my mum. I'd been so caught up in my thoughts about my dad that I'd completely forgotten. And I haven't had time to visit him at the bakery this week, since I've been so busy with classes, homework, and football practices. I hadn't even seen him at my football match against Fire House last night, which had left me quite disappointed.

I wish Harry was walking next to me now, instead of Emily, so that I could spend the night on the dance floor with him. I'd wanted to ask him to go to the homecoming dance with me, but I knew that we'd be forcibly separated if the campus police saw us dancing together. And, to my slight annoyance, Emily had taken it upon herself to assume I wanted to go to the dance with her and hadn't really left me with a choice in the matter.

Last Tuesday after my football practice, she'd literally thrown herself at me in excitement, telling me she'd just gotten her maroon dress for the dance. She'd grabbed my hand in front of all my teammates and walked contentedly by my side, and I'd felt like I'd had to just go along with it. My teammates would've thought I was an asshole if I'd just told the truth to her then and there— that I didn't want to go the dance with her. That I wasn't sure if I wanted to be in a relationship with her anymore.

But I simply haven't worked up the courage to tell her the truth about my feelings, mainly because she's been so excited for the dance all week, and telling her I didn't want to go with her would've broken her heart.

So I walk with her next to me towards the University Center, my green tie and her maroon dress displaying our compatible relationship, wondering how the night is going to go. Pretty much all I've been thinking about is seeing Harry there. I had thought maybe he'd go with Zayn, Niall, and Liam, but Niall had told me he'd never asked to go with them. I wonder if he's going with some friends from Air House. Either way, I'm excited to see him, especially in a suit. It's going to be nearly impossible for me to hide my feelings for him with Emily right there to watch my every movement and facial expression.

We reach the doors of the University Center and make our way through the building toward the large ballroom, where the dance is being held. There is an area outside of the room where there are paper bags for students to leave the belongings they don't want to bring out onto the dance floor with them. Several campus security officers are standing in this area and at the ballroom doors, keeping a watchful eye on the students milling about.

"I'm going to leave my sweater and shoes out here," Emily says to me as she starts to undo the fastenings on one of her high heels. "I can't dance properly with these things on."

"I expect you'd break an ankle or something trying to dance in those," I remark, only half-paying attention to her. I look around, trying to spot any of the lads or Harry in the crowd of students. I don't see any of them.

After Emily is done packing her belongings into one of the paper bags, we make our way through the ballroom doors. I can't help but notice the campus officers on either side of us glancing at the color of our clothing as well as the small tattoos on our left hands. One of them nods slightly at me. We're clear.

The scene inside the ballroom is dazzling. The lights are off in the room, but there are long strings of small white lights that are strung up across the ceiling, twinkling like stars above the crowd of students below. Along all four walls are detailed, glow-in-the-dark paintings of each of the planets, as well as the Sun and the moon. I remember someone telling me that the theme for the homecoming dance this year was Ruling Planets. Each of the Zodiac signs have their own ruling planet; Capricorns' planet is Saturn. Loud music is blasting from speakers at the far end of the room, where a DJ has set up his equipment at the head of the central dance floor area. Surrounding this area are numerous round tables that are covered in white tablecloths. At the center of each table is a glass orb, its sides painted to look like one of the planets, and there is a flickering, battery-operated candle placed inside each one, making the colors on the glass glow. In the back left corner of the room are tables with refreshments.

"Wow, it looks beautiful in here," Emily says next to me with an awe-struck expression.

"It really is," I admit, nodding in agreement. Looking over at the tables, I suddenly notice Zayn, Liam, and Niall sitting at one of them and talking.

"Hey, I want to go over and say hi to the lads," I say to Emily, speaking loudly to be heard over the music. I point over in their direction, and she nods.

All three boys look up and wave in greeting when they notice me and Emily approaching their table.

"Fancy seeing you lads here," I say jokingly after taking a seat next to Liam. "How long have you been here?"

"Not long," Zayn replies. "Probably like ten minutes or something."

"We're just chilling for a bit before we go and dance," Liam explains, nodding his head toward the dance floor.

I nudge him in the side with my elbow. "So...? Is your true love here yet?" I love teasing Liam.

He shoots me a dirty look and crosses his arms. "Sometimes I wish I'd never met you at voice camp that summer," he says, shaking his head.

"Someone's gotta keep things interesting in your life, Liam," I say, shrugging my shoulders. "And let's face it, I'm the man for the job." I lean over to drape my arm across his shoulders, but he shoves it off almost immediately.

"Don't touch me," he says, trying to stay angry, but I can see the small smile he's having a hard time hiding.

"I don't want to touch you," I say, looking away from him dramatically.

"Jesus, you two," Niall says, shaking his head.

"Loueh, stop messing around with my poor baby Liam," Zayn says, who's sitting on Liam's other side. He leans over to nudge Liam in the shoulder. This makes the corners of Liam's mouth turn up. "He doesn't constantly need to be reminded of the girl he can't have."

"But he could!" I protest. "There's secret parties, you know, and..." My voice trails off when I notice Emily stiffen beside me. Her dad works for the AZPD; any talk of illegal activity makes her feel uneasy. 

There's an awkward pause in the conversation. Eventually Niall speaks, breaking the silence.

"Has anyone seen Harry?" he asks, looking around the ballroom. "I wonder if he's coming tonight." I'm caught off-guard when Niall glances across the table at me, something unreadable in his eyes. Does he know what's going on between me and Harry? I wouldn't put it past him—Niall's a pretty observant person.

Everyone shakes their head in response to Niall's inquiry about the elusive curly-haired boy. I feel a stab of disappointment and try my hardest not to show it on my face with Emily sitting next to me. There's still hope that I'll see him at some point, though. I've just got to be patient.

I feel a tug at my arm. "Can we go dance now?" Emily asks me, tearing my thoughts away from Harry.

I don't really want to leave the lads, but I figure there might be a better chance of seeing Harry if I'm out on the dance floor. I nod and smile at Emily, standing up from the table. I lead her out into the crowd of dancing people, and for the next several songs, we move our bodies in rhythm with the music. I'm actually having a good time, surrounded by the loud music and the crowd of warm bodies.

We're in the middle of a song when I see him across the room. Harry. He's wearing a black suit with a dark blue tie, and his dark brown hair falls in soft, careful curls around his head. He looks breathtakingly handsome in his suit. I'm admiring his tall, lean figure when my heart stops upon seeing who he's dancing with. A girl in a deep brown dress is moving to the beat of the music in front of him, smiling and laughing. He's grinning and laughing with her. A million thoughts and questions seem to race through my head when I recognize her. Is that...the girl from the bakery? I didn't know he liked her... Have I been reading all of the wrong signs? Was it just wishful thinking that had led me to believe Harry was interested in me? That must be why I haven't seen him at all since last Saturday...

"Louis?" Emily's voice forces me back into the present moment. I tear my eyes away from Harry and look at her, startled. She looks puzzled and slightly annoyed. She turns her head to look in the direction I'd been staring. How long have I been distracted by Harry?

"What are you looking at?" she asks, turning to face me again.

I shake my head. "Nothing, I just saw one of my football mates," I lie.

"Oh," she says. "Hey, do you want to go get something to eat or drink and sit down for a bit?"

"Yeah, that sounds like a great idea." I feel slightly breathless from dancing—and seeing Harry—so sitting sounds particularly welcome at the moment.

As we weave through the crowd towards the refreshment tables, I can't help myself from searching for Harry again. When my eyes land on him, my heart leaps into my throat. He's already looking at me. His eyes are traveling up and down my body, but I can't read his expression. I see the Sagittarius girl that he's with turn to look in my direction, and I quickly look away, my heart pounding in my ears. So he's seen me. He's seen me with Emily.

I want desperately to leave Emily's side and weave through the crowd toward him so that I can tell him I really wanted to come to the dance with him. And that I've missed seeing him all week. But we both have our own dates, and there are several campus officers lining each wall of the ballroom, keeping a careful watch over the proceedings. I sigh to myself. Stealing glances in his direction over the course of the night will have to do, I guess.

After Emily and I grab something to eat and drink, we head back to the table we had sat at earlier with the lads. They must be dancing at the moment; their chairs are empty. Emily and I take a seat and relax for a bit, just taking in the general splendor of everything going on around us. I glance periodically over in Harry's direction, trying my best to make these glances casual so Emily won't suspect anything. Thankfully, she doesn't appear to notice.

After a bit, I see Zayn, Niall, and Liam coming in our direction, looking flushed from exercise and carrying plates and cups of refreshment.

"Hi mates," I say in greeting as they sit down heavily in their chairs. "You all look knackered."

"I'm dying. I need sustenance," Niall says before shoving a cookie in his mouth.

"Are you two having a good time?" Zayn asks, looking from me to Emily.

"Yeah, it's been great so far!" Emily says, smiling at him and grabbing my hand under the table. I try my best to give her a genuine smile. It has been a fun night, but it would have been a lot better if I'd been able to dance with a certain Aquarius boy...

"I see Harry's here," Niall says after swallowing a large gulp of soda, nodding over in Harry's direction out on the dance floor.

I'm careful not to say anything and instead just look over and pretend like it's my first time seeing him that night. The fresh sight of his tall, sharply-dressed figure makes something warm stir inside of me, and I have to look away before I lose any more control over my senses.

Emily squeezes my hand, bringing my thoughts back to the table. I smile at her and then take a gulp of my own soda. For the next twenty minutes or so, all of us just relax and chat at the table, enjoying being off our feet. Something seems off about Liam though—he's being quieter than normal, rarely joining in our conversation. The more I observe him, the more I notice that he seems to be looking over in Harry's direction as much as me. His expression appears to be a mixture of frustration and sadness. I'm puzzled by this behavior, wondering why Harry is of so much interest to him. Then it hits me. He's not looking at Harry, but the girl he's dancing with.

I nudge Liam to get his attention and ask quietly, "Is that Gwen?"

He looks at me in surprise and embarrassment, realizing that I've noticed him looking over at her. Then he looks down and nods, looking sadder than ever. My heart breaks seeing him this way.

"I'm sorry, mate," I say softly, putting my hand on his shoulder. "I don't think Harry knows that you have a crush on her, or he wouldn't have come with her." Surely Harry doesn't know about Liam's secret crush on Gwen? I'm fairly certain he just knows her from work, and I'm also fairly certain Gwen has no idea Liam likes her. Liam is a pretty reserved guy; the idea of him actually talking to her terrifies him.

From watching Harry and Gwen all night, I'm not sure how much Harry likes her, but I'm almost certain Gwen likes him. I mean, I don't really blame her. How can anyone _not_ be seduced by his curls and everything else about him? Still, I feel bad for Liam, and I feel an inkling of jealousy myself, seeing Harry spend the night talking and laughing with another person.

"Hey, do you guys want another drink before we go out and dance again?" Niall asks suddenly. I look over at the refreshments table and see that three campus guards have just set out several platters of fresh drinks.

"Yeah, sounds great," I say. When everyone else at the table nods in agreement, Niall and Zayn get up to go grab drinks for everyone. It takes them a bit to come back, since a flock of students descend upon the refreshments table the moment the fresh drinks are noticed. I thank Niall when he hands me a cup, which seems to be filled with some sort of fruity punch.

Once we've all had several gulps, we get up to go dance again for a bit. The five of us dance as a group, getting into the rhythm of the blasting music. I search for Harry in the crowd a couple times, and I catch him already looking at me more than once. I smile to myself whenever I see him hastily look away, trying to make it seem like he was never looking at me in the first place.

Suddenly, I hear a loud thud come from somewhere a little distance away from our group on the dance floor. Other students around me seem to have noticed, too, because they're craning their necks in the direction of the sound, trying to discern the cause of it. My heart misses a beat when the sound of a student yelling frantically is audible above the loud music. I can't make out the words of what they're saying, and I can't see what's happened because everyone has stopped dancing by now and is crowding around the source of the noise.

Then I hear another, louder thud from behind me, and I turn around in shock to see Niall on the ground, his eyes closed and his mouth hanging slightly open. Liam, Zayn, and I rush to him and shake him gently, yelling his name. He doesn't respond—he must be unconscious. Did he just faint?

Another thud cuts through the air from the direction of the refreshment tables, making the students around me jump in shock. What the fuck is going on? By now, everyone is confusedly pushing and shoving each other in an attempt to see the unconscious bodies, yells of panic and fright echoing throughout the room.

I ignore the press of bodies around me as I remain crouched over Niall, still shaking him gently, pleading for him to wake up. I can barely hear the music now with the sound of blood pumping through my ears and the distressed sounds of the crowd that's gathered around us. I feel someone come to kneel down beside me and am startled to see Harry's concerned face just inches from mine. He looks at me questioningly. _What happened?_ he seems to ask.

I shrug my shoulders and shake my head helplessly, my throat starting to constrict. I look down at Niall's unconscious form, wondering how he could have gone so suddenly from laughing and dancing to passing out cold on the floor. He hadn't looked pale or unwell at all the whole night.

A large hand comes to rest suddenly on my shoulder, which nearly makes me jump out of my skin. I turn to look up and see the serious face of a campus security guard looking down at me.

"Please move out of the way," he commands in a deep, authoritative voice. I'm reluctant to leave Niall's side, but I do as I'm told. Harry, Liam, and Zayn do the same, moving away from Niall's body. Soon enough, a couple other campus guards appear with a stretcher, which they lay on the ground next to Niall. They heave Niall onto the stretcher and then carry him away without so much as a glance at us.

"Where are they taking him?" Liam asks, his voice sounding slightly hoarse.

"To hospital, I'd guess," Harry says, watching as Niall and the two other unconscious students are carried out of the room. The guards block any students from following them by temporarily closing the doors of the ballroom after they've left. The remaining campus guards stand in front of the doors and talk patiently to the students who are desperately asking to be let out of the room.

The music continues blaring, and I glare in the direction of the DJ, wondering why in hell he hasn't shut off the speakers. My question is answered when I see that there's a campus officer standing next to the DJ, looking resolute with his hands clasped behind his back. Campus security wants the music to keep playing.

No one is dancing anymore, though. In fact, most students are trickling back to the tables, gathering their belongings and waiting to be let out of the room. The spirit and animation of the night has disappeared just like that.

I look around at the lads, whose mouths are still open slightly in shock, still trying to process what has just transpired. I pull myself together enough to formulate a plan.

"They must be taking him to hospital," I say, agreeing with Harry's earlier statement. I'm surprised by how calm my voice sounds. "First thing tomorrow morning, let's plan to visit him there. I'm guessing they won't let us try to see him tonight." I look over at the closed ballroom doors and the lineup of students who've gathered near them, waiting to be released.

Harry, Zayn, and Liam nod silently, their eyes on me. I rub my hands down my thighs, trying to relax my trembling hands. _Fuck,_ Niall. I'm not going to get any sleep tonight, that's for fucking certain.


	14. Chapter 14 (Harry)

I walk briskly in the direction of the student car park on campus, feeling alert and exhausted at the same time. I tossed and turned all night, worrying about Niall and going over all of the possibilities of what could've happened to him and the other two unconscious students last night. 

The chilly morning air nips at my nose and the tips of my ears, and I draw my coat tighter around me. It's just past dawn; the eastern section of the sky is luminous with clouds of light grey and rosy pink. Last night, Louis, Zayn, Liam, and I agreed to meet early this morning at the student car park, where Zayn's car is located. He's the only one out of us who has a car on campus, so we're relying on him to drive us to hospital in town.

As I walk, I go over the possibilities of what could've happened last night yet again. Niall and the other two students might have simultaneously felt overexerted from the exercise of dancing—but it seems highly unlikely that all three would happen to pass out at almost the same exact time if this were the case. Another thought I had had was that there was something in the food or drinks at the dance that all three had consumed that had made them pass out. Had something been put into the food or drinks intentionally, or maybe accidentally somehow? Something else that struck me as odd about last night's events was the fact that the campus police seemed to be ready for something like that to happen. They'd had three stretchers ready-to-go in a matter of minutes. I didn't think they would have stretchers just lying about in the University Center, ready for use whenever something like that should happen. I don't know, something just seems off about what happened.

I reach the car park and don't see Louis, Zayn, or Liam anywhere. I turn around, and I'm heartened to see the three of them walking quickly in my direction, also looking fatigued but worried.

"Looks like you didn't get much sleep last night, either," Louis says to me as I join them in walking toward the far end of the lot. His eyes are sympathetic. 

I shake my head. "I couldn't stop thinking about him..."

"None of us could, mate," Liam says, looking particularly anxious to leave. He seems a bit short with me, which catches me off guard slightly. He must just be stressed.

We reach Zayn's car, which is a silver sedan, and the four of us climb in. Zayn settles himself in the driver's seat, Liam hops in the passenger seat, and Louis and I sit next to each other in the back seat. Zayn turns on the engine and speedily maneuvers us out of the car park and out onto the road. 

Despite my worry and the urgency of the situation, I can't help enjoying the feeling of being sat next to Louis. We're not physically touching each other, as there is the middle seat of the bench between us, but just feeling his presence nearby is comforting. I watch Ashbourne's neighborhoods and shops whir by as Zayn drives us toward the hospital at the heart of the city. 

We arrive in the hospital car park in just under ten minutes. We get out of the car and make our way toward the large facility, which is a connected collection of towering white buildings with numerous small windows. There aren't a ton of cars in the car park at this time of the morning, so Zayn was able to park fairly close to the main doors.

When we enter the building, we approach the front receptionist desk, where an older woman wearing glasses and a violet sweater—she must be a Pisces—is seated in front of a computer monitor. I notice that there is an AZPD officer standing just inside the main doors, keeping watch on us from his position against the wall to our left. The receptionist looks up at us.

"Good morning, what can I do for you?" she asks, her eyes searching our faces.

Liam speaks up. "We are wondering if we can visit a patient. His name is Niall Horan. We think he was brought here late last night."

The woman types something into her computer and searches the screen. I hear the AZPD officer clear his throat behind us.

"It doesn't look like we have anyone checked in here by that name," she says, her brows knitted together as she continues to look at the monitor. She looks up at us. "Are you sure that's the right name?"

"Yes—" I start, before I'm interrupted.

"I can take it from here, Martha," a deep voice says behind us. I turn around and am surprised to see the AZPD officer strolling toward us, his hands clasped behind his back. He clears his throat again. "I must inform you that the student you are looking for is being specially taken care of in the hospital wing of the Zodiac City Administration building. He is not to be seen by visitors at this time."

All of us stare back at him, not sure how to process this information.

Louis regains enough composure to ask, "Can you at least tell us if he's okay? How long will he be there?"

The officer focuses his piercing gaze on Louis, which unnerves me. "I can't reveal any information to you at this time. Please continue on with your day." He inches himself forward to indicate to us that he wants us to leave the building.

"How are we supposed to go about our day—" Louis starts before Zayn nudges him the side and shakes his head. 

We have no choice but to leave, so we reluctantly turn to walk back toward the main doors. I glance back at the receptionist and see that she's looking at us from behind the officer, her expression troubled. The face of the officer is stoic and emotionless.

When the four of us exit the building, we're surrounded once more by the chilly morning air and the rosy light of dawn. We stand out on the sidewalk in front of the building, all of us lost in our own thoughts and not really wanting to go back to campus. The knowledge that we won't be able to know if Niall is going to be alright makes my throat ache and my vision blur. I've been holding back my emotions for so long that our confrontation with the officer pushes me over the edge. I try in vain to wipe away the wetness from my eyes with my shaking hands, but the tears just keep coming. 

I'm worried about embarrassing myself in front of the lads when I feel warm arms wrap around me and squeeze me gently. 

"Harry," Louis says softly near my ear. "It's going to be alright. Niall's going to be alright." His hand rubs across my back in a comforting gesture.

His tender voice sends shivers down my spine, and I revel in the feeling of his arms embracing me. I hold him tightly back, not wanting this moment to end. I realize in this moment that I'm never going to get over Louis, no matter how much I try to take my mind off of him and start over with someone else. My night spent with Gwen at the dance doesn't compare to these few seconds I've spent in Louis's arms. 

He's the first to let go, so I pull away and smile at him through my tears. He gives me his best reassuring smile, his own eyes moist. I look to the side and notice a man walking past us toward the main doors of the hospital. He gives Louis and I a funny look, and that's when I remember we're not supposed to be showing any sort of intimacy out in public. And the AZPD officer is just inside the doors! Louis risked a lot just to hug me here.

Louis seems to have noticed the man's look, too, and is careful to avoid my gaze or come physically close to me again. His expression looks sad and maybe a bit angry.

"Well, I guess there's no reason to hang out here any longer," Louis says, throwing his hands up in the air.

The rest of us follow him back towards Zayn's car. The drive back to campus is silent.

. . .

"Hey, Gwen, I need to talk to you about something." I come out from behind the main counter of the bakery and walk towards her, watching as she pauses in the act of wiping down one of the tables with a wet rag. Her large brown eyes stare back at me questioningly.

"I know this might be the wrong thing to say after just going to the dance last night with you, but..." My voice falters, not sure if I have the heart to say to her what I've been planning to tell her ever since Louis hugged me this morning.

Gwen lets go of the rag and turns to face me. "It's okay, you can tell me," she says simply.

I take a deep breath. "I don't think I want things to progress any further between us." I say this quickly, trying not to mumble.

I'm expecting her to look away or start crying, but instead she just keeps looking at me, her eyes clear. She cocks her head to the side. "This has to do with that one Capricorn guy that came by here the other weekend, doesn't it? You were looking over at him almost all night at the dance."

I inhale a droplet of saliva, and I start coughing uncontrollably, my face becoming hot. Bloody hell, Harry. You must have been extremely obvious last night. Poor Gwen, it must have been a horrible time for her.

I nod. "I'm sorry, Gwen, I shouldn't have asked you to go with me when I really wanted to go with someone else...You must think I'm an asshole." I lower my head in shame.

She shakes her head and bends over the table, returning to her cleaning. "No, Harry, I don't. I still had a good time last night, anyway." She smiles up at me.

I grin at her, overwhelmingly grateful for her kindness. I watch as she moves on to another table, dips the rag into a bucket of soapy water, and wrings out the excess liquid before wiping the wooden surface. I feel a sudden stab of uneasiness, realizing the potential consequences of what I've just admitted to her about my feelings towards a Capricorn boy.

"You won't...?" I start.

"Tell anyone? No," she says. "If I'm being honest, I think the love compatibility rules between signs are a load of bullshit."

I smile at her, taken by surprise. I've never heard her swear before.

"Thank you, Gwen," I say. "I mean it."

She nods and goes about her work. As I turn to make my way back toward the counter, I hear her add, "He's cute."

I turn back to look at her, but she's looking down at the table, a small smile on her face.


	15. Chapter 15 (Louis)

"I'll catch you later, mates," I say to my football teammates, slinging my bag over my shoulder and heading in the direction of the student car park near the football pitch. I fish for the set of car keys in the pocket of my shorts. Zayn is letting me use his car tonight, only because he knows he'll have our room to himself for several hours while I'm gone and therefore can freely talk to Gabrielle to his heart's content.

When I reach the silver sedan, I open up the boot and toss my football bag inside. I climb inside the driver's seat, turn the keys in the ignition, and pull out of the car park, which is packed full with vehicles. I look at the clock in the car—it's 7:01PM. My trip to the supermarket shouldn't take too long, since I already have a grocery list written out with the ingredients I'll need.

Earlier today, I texted Harry to ask him when he would be done with work tonight and if The Golden Cherry happens to have a full kitchen in the back. We finally exchanged phone numbers two days ago after we'd gotten back to campus from the hospital. Harry replied almost immediately, informing me that yes, The Golden Cherry does have a full kitchen, and that he'd be done with work by 7:30PM. I asked him if anyone else was closing up the bakery with him, and he replied that it would just be him closing up. I told him I'd meet him there at the end of his shift, so he shouldn't close up the place.

 _I have a surprise for you :)_ I'd texted him.

 _A surprise?_ He'd responded.

 _Yep,_ I'd replied simply.

 _Okee dokee. Looking forward to it :_ )

It feels nice to drive again; it's been about a month since I drove my mum's car back in Doncaster. I roll the windows all the way down and let the fresh evening air blow across my face and cool me down. I'm still a bit sweaty from practice. Hopefully Harry won't mind that I've not showered before seeing him. I just don't want to keep him waiting in the bakery by himself for too long after he's scheduled to be done with his shift for the night.

Being in Zayn's car again makes me think about our trip to hospital last Sunday to try to visit Niall. There still hasn't been any news about his well-being or when he'll be able to come back to campus. Liam's been in contact with Niall's family in Ireland, but they haven't heard any information that we haven't already been told by the AZPD. They keep telling us the same thing—that he's being taken care of specially in the hospital wing of the Zodiac City Administration building in town. The situation is made all the more peculiar by the fact that none of us knew a hospital wing existed in that building until now. We had all assumed only formal business meetings were conducted there, where city standards and regulations were discussed and adjusted as needed.

All of us lads have been worried sick about Niall, and consequently, it's been hard to find the motivation to eat or sleep properly. I know Harry's been especially affected by Niall's absence, and I figure a nice, home-cooked meal will be just the thing to make him feel a little better. Honestly, I'm not really into cooking much at all, but for Harry, I find that I'd do just about anything.

After a bit, I arrive at the supermarket and find a parking spot in the fairly crowded car park. There are Ashbourne citizens of all signs walking in and out of the building, those coming out pushing carts full of grocery bags. I go inside with my grocery list in hand, realizing as I walk through the doors that it's going to take me a bit longer than I'd originally thought, since I'm not used to getting these items regularly. My normal trips to the supermarket consist solely of me snagging items from the candy, tea, and frozen foods sections.

After a lot of aimless searching through the aisles and the occasional help of a fellow grocery shopper, I'm able to locate all of the items on my list. I compiled this list last night from a cooking website I found. I walk out of the building with two full bags in my arms, and once I set them in the boot of Zayn's car, I hop in the driver's seat and pull my phone out of my pocket.

 _Be there in 5 minutes_ , I text Harry.

I pull out of the car park and begin the relatively short journey to The Golden Cherry. I turn on the headlights since the early October sky is getting darker with each passing minute. When I reach the narrow street along which the bakery is situated, I park along the curb and peer through the windshield, feeling a welcome sense of comfort upon seeing that there are still lights on in the bakery. Warm, golden light shines through the front glass windows and spills out onto the road outside. I feel a sudden burst of excitement and nerves knowing that Harry and I will finally get to spend some time by ourselves, with no one else around.

I take the grocery bags out of the boot, lock the car, and make my way to the front door of the bakery, noticing that the street is dark and empty apart from a couple cars parked a little ways down the road. When I reach the door, I see that there is a white sign that reads "We're closed, sorry!" hanging against the glass. I try the door handle; it's locked. I lean to the side and peer through the glass, trying to see if Harry is visible inside. 

My heart warms when I see his tall figure sweeping the floor behind the front counter. He apparently hasn't noticed me yet. It looks like he's singing to himself, because his mouth is moving and his body is swaying rhythmically to the sound of an inaudible beat. Can he get any more adorable? I don't want to interrupt his silent dance number, and I'm having too much fun watching him, so I just stand there outside the glass, grinning like an idiot at the boy I'm about to cook dinner for. 

Eventually he turns around with the broom still in his hands, and I see his body give a startled jerk when his eyes land on me. He smiles at me, looking a little embarrassed when he sets his broom against the wall and comes to unlock the door for me. 

"Hey, Louis," he says in greeting when he pulls open the door. His large green eyes are crinkled slightly from his smile, and the dimples in his cheeks look extra pronounced from the shadowy light. It takes all of my willpower to not drop the bags I'm holding and throw my arms around him. Ever since I hugged him impulsively on Sunday, outside of the main doors of the hospital, my body has been craving physical touch with Harry again. I'm glad that he doesn't look sad about Niall right now; if he did, I don't think I could resist pulling him into a comforting embrace again. The sight of him with tears in his eyes the other day had made my heart break, and even though we'd been in public, the urge to comfort him had been far greater than any reservations I might have had against hugging someone of an incompatible sign in public. 

Right now, I don't see any sadness in his eyes, only happiness at seeing me. He looks down at the bags I'm carrying, his expression turning into one of confusion.

"What have you got?" he asks, trying to peer into the bags. "Are those groceries? Here, let me help you."

I try to wave him away, but he insists on carefully taking the bags from arms and then setting them inside the bakery on the front counter. I follow him inside, closing the door and locking it behind me. It feels warm and cozy in here. 

"Chicken? Potatoes? Mozzarella cheese?" Harry digs through the bags and names off the items inside as if he's never seen such foods in his life.

"Alright, alright, Harry," I say, walking up to him and putting my hands on his arms to stop him from rummaging further. "I wanted this to be a little bit of a surprise, at least."

"Are you going to cook something?" he asks me, his expression looking a little bit more incredulous than I'd like.

"Is that really so hard to believe?" I ask jokingly.

He laughs and shakes his head. "No, of course I would never doubt your cooking abilities. You just don't..."

"...seem like the kind of person who likes to cook?" I finish for him. He smiles sheepishly and nods.

"You would be correct, sir!" I say, doing my best to impersonate the voice of a television show host. 

Harry laughs and turns to look down into the bags again. "Well, what dish were you planning to make? I can help—"

"No, you can't help!" I interrupt. " _I'm_ going to cook, and _you're_ going to sit and relax."

Harry's brows draw together, and he opens his mouth to say something in protest.

"No," I say before he can speak. "Let me do this for you, Harry. You must be exhausted from school and work...and worrying about Niall."

His smile disappears when I mention the blonde-haired boy's name, and he looks down at the ground, biting his lip to keep it from wobbling. I lift my hand and rest it on his shoulder. He lifts his gaze and stares into my eyes.

"He'll be alright," I say, reassuring myself as much as I'm trying to reassure him. "He'll be back soon."

Harry nods, his eyes starting to gleam a bit from moisture. "I just can't stop worrying about him. I—" His voice catches in his throat.

I don't hesitate to wrap my arms around him and pull him against me, feeling his chin press into my shoulder. We hold each other for a while, neither of talking, letting the heat of our bodies convey the silent words of comfort and support to each other that we're unable to express verbally. The tickle of his warm breath near my ear sends shivers down my spine.

The sudden sound of a car driving by on the street outside awakens me from my dreamlike state, and we both pull away, startled by the noise. We look at each other and smile.

"So," I say, grabbing the grocery bags, "I'm assuming the kitchen is in the back?" I nod toward the set of swinging doors behind the counter.

"Yep," he nods. "If you want to go back, I'll just finish up cleaning out here and then turn the lights off."

"Okay," I say, starting to push open one of the swinging doors with my back.

"I'll be back in just a minute—I don't want to miss seeing Louis Tomlinson's mad cooking skills," he says, winking at me.

"They really are something to behold," I reply, giving him a wink in return.

. . .

Over the next hour or so, I take turns alternating between squinting at the recipe on my phone, searching for cooking utensils in the bakery kitchen (and finding them with Harry's help), and praying that I won't set any fire alarms off as I chop, stir, boil, slice, sear, and bake. Harry sits behind me on a stool at one of the kitchen counters, watching me in apparent amusement as I scramble around the kitchen. Several times, he gets up from his seat to help me, but each time I gently push him away, shaking my head. 

"Sit your ass down," I say after he gets up for the fourth time.

"But the—"

"Shit, the bloody ham!" I've been so focused on the potatoes that I temporarily forgot about the chicken and ham slices that are searing in a pan on the stove. I rush over and flip the slices, relieved that they haven't cooked too long. I look back at Harry and see that he's trying to hold in his laughter. I shake my head at him, which just makes him smile more.

While I cook, we chat about all sorts of random things, just enjoying each other's company in the cozy environment. It's really nice to finally have a proper long conversation with him, even if I'm half-distracted by preparing the food. I think the main thing I get out of the whole cooking experience is the realization that making a meal is fucking exhausting. The only thing keeping me going is the knowledge that I'm doing it for Harry.

Eventually— _eventually—_ the meal is complete. Harry retrieves a couple plates from one of the kitchen cabinets and places them on the counter for me to dish the steaming food onto. When the plates are full, I carry them over to the counter where Harry had been sitting at. I set my plate opposite his on the counter and take a seat on the stool across from his, thankful to finally get off my feet. I wipe the back of my hand across the sweat on my forehead and sigh.

When Harry takes a seat on his stool, I sit up proudly. "May I present, chicken, stuffed with mozzarella, wrapped in Parma ham, with a side of homemade mash."

Harry smiles at my presentation of the dish and picks up his fork and knife, ready to dig in. "It looks fantastic, Louis," he says, gazing down at his plate. "I'm impressed."

"I hope to God it takes alright," I say. "That would have been a lot of work for nothing." I watch as he lifts a forkful of the chicken into his mouth and then begins to chew, looking pensive. I anxiously await his culinary assessment. 

He swallows and looks up at me, nodding. "Not bad at all. I feel like I'm at a fancy restaurant." He shovels a bit of mashed potatoes on his fork and sticks it in his mouth.

I swell with pride at his words but try my best to hide it from him and play it cool. "I mean, I _do_ recall saying you shouldn't have doubted my cooking abilities..."

He laughs at my remark and then looks around the room. "All we need is some mood lighting, instead of these harsh, bright lights, and then the setting would be perfect. I don't think there's any way to have dim lighting in here, though."

I squint up at the intense lights above in the ceiling and shrug. "Well, it is what it is." I stick a forkful of chicken into my mouth and chew slowly, enjoying the savory flavor. I would have to agree with Harry. Not bad at all. I'm honestly quite impressed with myself.

We eat and chat, and once we've both cleaned our plates, Harry gets up from his seat and walks over towards a different section of the back of the bakery. 

I look at him in confusion. "What are you doing?"

He smiles cheekily. "Getting something."

I roll my eyes and watch as he disappears from view temporarily. A moment later he reappears with two small plates, one in each hand. Each plate has a large slice of orange-colored cake with white frosting.

"No fooking way! You remembered what my favorite is?" I stare lovingly at the slice of carrot cake that Harry slides in front of me. 

"Of course I remembered," he says, grinning at my sudden excitement. "I made sure to save some while working today, since I knew you'd be coming over."

I practically inhale the cake despite thinking I was full from my meal before. My mum's always said she has two stomachs—one for regular food and one for dessert. I think I take after her in this respect.

His mentioning of work makes me think of the time I visited him here at the bakery the other weekend and how I saw Gwen working here. Visions of Harry dancing with Gwen on Saturday night and Liam's somber expression makes my appetite decrease slightly. I need to ask him about her.

"So, I saw you were with Gwen at the dance," I say a bit awkwardly. "It looked like you were having a good time with her." Shit. I've just fully admitted I was watching him at the dance.

He seems a bit surprised by the sudden shift in conversation topic, but he replies casually enough.

"Yeah, it was a fun time," he says. He looks up at me quickly. "We're not dating or anything, though. I just want to remain friends, nothing more."

Relief washes over me at this revelation, both for my own personal reasons and for reasons related to Liam. I try my best to hide my emotions, though, because I can't help but take this opportunity to tease him a little.

"Why's that? She seems like a nice girl, and Aquariuses and Sagittariuses are compatible. It would be a good match."

Harry's face turns red and he starts to stumble over his words. "Well, I...I don't know..."

It takes everything I've got not to smile and to keep my expression serious. Eventually I stop him from trying to explain, feeling an overwhelming amount of second-hand embarrassment for him.

"It doesn't matter," I say. "I was just curious. Anyway, I should tell you that Liam actually has a serious crush on Gwen."

Harry looks at me in shock, his eyes wide. "Wait, no, really? Shit. I can't believe I did that to Liam...and he saw me with her at the dance..." He runs his hand through his hair, looking distressed, and then looks up at me questioningly. "Is that why Liam seemed a bit off around me the other day when we went to hospital?"

I nod and see the dawn of realization in Harry's expression. "Yeah," I say, "but I told him you didn't know he has a thing for Gwen. I mean, Christ, even his closest mates barely know he likes her. He's so shy about it."

"You know," Harry says, "when I was talking to Gwen the other day, she seemed pretty cool with the idea of incompatible signs being together in relationships. Even if Liam's a Virgo and he's not supposed to be with a Sagittarius, I think he should still talk to her or ask her out or something."

"How do you feel about incompatible signs being together?" I ask rather bluntly, seizing this opportunity to be straightforward with him and ask the question I've been wondering the answer to ever since he bumped into me in Textbook Services.

He looks me in the eyes, knowing exactly what I'm asking him. _Would you be okay with the idea of an Aquarius and a Capricorn being in a relationship, for instance?_

"I'm definitely okay with it," he says, and I feel my heart lift. I can't help myself from staring at his lips while he speaks. "What about you?" he asks.

"The incompatibility stuff is all bullshit," I reply. His lips look so soft, and they curve just perfectly...

"Hey, that's exactly what Gwen said," he says. I lean forward slightly on the stool, feeling an inexplicable magnetism pulling me towards him. His lips move again, and he looks at me as if he's just asked me a question.

"Sorry, what?" I ask. 

"You asked me about Gwen, so I get to ask you about the girl you're always with. The Taurus girl. Are you in a relationship with her?" His eyes travel down to my own lips.

I'm a bit taken aback by the bluntness of his question, and I really don't feel like talking about Emily at the moment, but my conscious thoughts are slipping in and out of a dreamlike state so much right now that I find I don't really care.

"Her name is Emily," I say. "We've been in a friends-with-benefits sort of relationship since we met last year. I don't really know if I want to stay in a relationship with her..."

Harry nods, leaning forward across the counter towards me. I feel my heart beat pulsing through my ears and throat, and the desire to kiss him is overwhelming. His eyes flit between my eyes and my lips, and our faces are just inches apart...

The distant sound of the bell tinkling above the front door of the bakery makes my heart leap into my throat. Both of us freeze and look at each other in panic. Who the fuck is coming here at—I glance at my watch—9:32PM? We look around the room frantically but know there is no way to hide the mess I've made in the kitchen, which we were planning on cleaning up later.

"Shit, Louis," Harry whispers, looking terrified. "One of us should hide—"

The swinging doors fling open and a stout, older woman appears. She shrieks when she sees Harry and I, dropping the purse in her hands and throwing her hands up in the air.

"Barbara!" Harry yells, getting up from his stool and moving to pick up her purse from the ground. "It's just me!"

Barbara lowers her hands and gives Harry a look of incredulity. "Harry! Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, Harry, you nearly gave me a heart attack!" She presses her hand to her bosom, breathing heavily. 

"I'm really sorry, Barbara," Harry says apologetically as he hands her the purse. "I stayed late to spend time with my friend. We, uh...we used the kitchen..." He rubs his hand on the back of his neck.

"Yes, I can see that, dear," Barbara says, taking in the state of disarray around us. She looks over at me, and I stand up from my stool.

"Hello, I'm Louis, Capricorn," I say in greeting, stretching out my hand for her to shake and trying to give her my best innocent smile. "Sorry for the mess, I promise we were going to clean it up later."

"Nice meeting you, Louis," Barbara says. "It's quite alright. Still..." She turns to look at Harry. "I don't think I like the idea of you inviting friends over here like this is a hang out spot. This space is for work-related activities only. You know that, Harry."

Harry hangs his head. "I know, Barbara. I'm truly sorry."

"I'm sorry, too," I say.

"Are you...are you going to sack me?" Harry asks, his voice quiet.

"Sack you?" Barbara chuckles. "Harry, dear, of course not. Just make sure this doesn't happen again, that's all." 

I've only known Barbara for a total of two minutes, but she's already won a special place in my heart. Harry smiles at her and wraps his arms around her to hug her. 

Barbara pulls away from Harry and grins at him. "How could I stay mad at you with those dimples, anyway?" She pokes his cheeks with her fingers.

I smile. "Fair point," I remark, which makes Harry look over at me. After giving him a sly smile, I notice Barbara looking down at my green shirt. A flood of anxiety washes over me when the reality of the situation hits me. She's just caught an Aquarius and a Capricorn sharing a meal together in secret. Will she report us? She has no direct proof that we were doing anything intimate—which we weren't, really, except for the near kiss—but she could at least tip off the police, letting them know something might be going on between the two of us. But she doesn't seem like the type of person to report something like this. I look over at Harry and realize that the same worried thoughts appear to be running through his head, too.

Barbara seems to notice our silent distress. "I won't tell a soul about this," she says matter-of-factly. "Don't worry."

Harry and I simultaneously let out a sigh of relief and thank her. 

"I will say, though, that you two should be careful," she says, "because there are plenty of people in this city who wouldn't hesitate to call the police."

Her words sting, but she's telling the truth.

"Now," Barbara says, "I came to pick up a couple stocking sheets I forgot to take home with me earlier today, so I'm going to be over at my desk for a bit. In the meantime, I expect you two will be..." She raises her eyebrows meaningfully and gestures at the messy kitchen.

"Cleaning," Harry and I say at the same time.


	16. Chapter 16 (Harry)

My phone buzzes on my desk, making me look up from the homework assignment I'm working on. I pick up my phone and see that I've gotten a message notification from the group chat I'm a part of with Louis, Zayn, Liam, and Niall. Liam has sent us a text.

_Niall's back :)_

I lean back in my chair and feel relief and euphoria wash over me. Thank God. It's currently Sunday night, a full week since we went to try to visit him at the hospital. He's been gone for a full week with no news of his well-being. I have to go see him tonight. My phone buzzes again. It's Louis this time.

_Is he in your room? Zayn and I are coming to visit_

Liam replies within seconds. _Yes_

I want to text that I'll be coming to visit, too, but I curse to myself when I remember I'm not allowed to enter the Earth House building as someone from Air House. I'm trying to figure out a plan for how I could see Niall tonight when Louis saves me the trouble.

_Harry, r u there? What if we all meet in the UC instead so Harry can come too_

I light up when I see his text and feel an overwhelming amount of gratitude for his thoughtfulness.

 _Yeah that sounds perfect_ , I text. After I press send, I'm struck by a worried thought.

 _Is Niall recovered enough to leave your room?_ I ask.

 _Yeah he seems fully recovered, should be fine_ , Liam responds.

 _Ok, see you lads at the UC in a bit,_ I say.

Louis sends a thumbs-up emoji.

"Ed, I'm going out," I say to my roommate, who's seated at his own desk and working on homework, one earbud in. He turns around as I get up from my chair and walk to my closet to get a coat. When I see his questioning expression, I explain. "Niall's back from hospital. I'm going to the UC to see him."

"That's great to hear that he's finally back!" he says, looking genuinely happy. "Let me know how he is."

"Will do," I say as I open the door to leave, sticking my hand in my coat pocket to make sure I've got my keys.

When I exit the building, I'm surprised by how chilly the night is. I tuck my chin down into my coat and hurry toward the center of campus, my path illuminated by the lamp lights that are positioned periodically along the sidewalks. There aren't many students out at this time; I'm guessing most are doing what Ed and I have been doing this evening—finishing up homework for classes tomorrow that we procrastinated all weekend. What else are Sunday nights for, anyway?

Eventually I reach the doors of the University Center, and I enter the building, grateful for the warm air inside. I walk around the main floor, searching for any sign of the lads, but I don't see them. I must have gotten here earlier than them. I feel a stab of frustration again at not being able to enter the Earth House building. I feel guilty for making this whole thing more of a hassle than it needs to be, since they're having to bend over backwards for someone with an Air House sign. Imagine how different things might have been if I'd been born a Capricorn or a Taurus instead...Louis and I would be considered compatible signs, and we'd both be in Earth House. If I'd just been born less than a month earlier, I would've been a Capricorn...

I sit down in a comfy chair in one of the UC lounge areas and shake my head to clear my thoughts. I can't keep thinking about things that might've been. I need to work on accepting things as they are. I think that if Louis and I wanted something to happen between us enough, we'd make it work, no matter the potential consequences or dangers that would go along with it.

The sound of the doors opening to my right makes me jump out of my seat. My heart soars when my eyes land on Niall, who's smiling and talking to Louis, Zayn, and Liam walking alongside him. I run over to them and nearly knock Niall off his feet when I throw my arms around him.

"Niall!!" I exclaim, my voice thick with emotion and muffled by the fabric of Niall's shirt. "Thank God you're finally back! How are you feeling?"

"Hi, Harry," Niall says, patting my back. "I feel fine, actually. It's like nothing ever happened."

We pull back from each other, and I see that the other boys are smiling at our reunion.

"Should we go sit down?" Zayn suggests, nodding toward the lounge area I'd just been sitting in.

We all nod in agreement and walk over to the lounge, seating ourselves on a couch and a couple of chairs that are arranged around a coffee table. Louis and I sit down next to each other on the couch, and I enjoy the feeling of being physically close to him again. We've been so busy with school this past week that we haven't hung out since last Tuesday when Louis cooked for me at the bakery.

"Alright, so now that we're all together, tell us what happened," Liam says to Niall.

We all lean in, dying to know what he'll say. We're disappointed and confounded by the sentence that comes from his mouth.

"I have no idea," he says, shrugging. "I swear, I don't remember anything that happened. I was told by a nurse that I fainted at the dance, and they just needed to do some tests on me. The next thing I remember is being in the AZPD van that drove me back to campus about an hour ago."

We stare at Niall in shock, temporarily speechless. Eventually Liam speaks.

"You don't...remember anything else? They never told you why you were gone from school for a full week?"

"Or why you were at the city administration building, not the actual hospital?" Louis adds.

"No," Niall says, shaking his head. "On the way back to campus today, I kept asking the AZPD officer what tests they'd done on me and why I was only now being allowed to go back to campus if all I did was pass out, but he wouldn't give me any straightforward answers. He just kept saying that I was fully recovered now, that I'd received the best treatment available, and that I didn't have to worry about anything." He looks down at his lap, his brows drawing together in concentration as if to try to remember anything else he might be forgetting. After a moment, he looks up in defeat, shaking his head. "That's all I know."

"That's fucking ridiculous," Louis says next to me. "You have every right to know what happened to you. What about medical costs?"

"They said they've all been paid for," Niall answers.

I shake my head. "This whole thing makes no sense," I say. "What about the other two students who passed out at the dance? Do you know anything about them?"

"Oh, yeah," Niall says. "I was told that one of the other students was coming back to campus tomorrow, but the other one would still need to stay in the hospital wing for a while to receive treatment."

"Treatment for what?" Zayn asks, waving his hand in exasperation. "Was there something put in the food or drinks, like a drug or something?"

Niall shrugs. "Maybe. Like I said, I don't know much of anything."

"Isn't there someone we could ask to find out what happened?" Liam asks.

"Good luck with that, mate," Niall says, shaking his head hopelessly. "If the AZPD wouldn't tell me anything, then I don't think anyone will."

We remain silent for a while, processing all of this new information—or rather, _lack_ of information. It doesn't seem like there's anything that can be done, except be grateful that Niall's back and seems to feel fine.

The five of us sit and chat for a while until it starts to get pretty late.

"I need to get going, lads," Louis says, stretching his arms behind his head. "I haven't even started on my homework for tomorrow. At this rate, I'll be up until 2 or something."

"Well, maybe you should've—"

"Shut up, Liam," Louis says, giving him a dirty look. Liam just smirks.

"Jesus, it's going to be hell this week trying to make up for all the time I missed in my classes," Niall groans.

We all look at him sympathetically. "I'm sure they won't go too hard on you," I say, trying to be reassuring.

"If they don't, I'll kick all their asses," Louis says, making all of us laugh.

We all slowly get up to leave the building. I give Niall one last hug before I turn to walk toward the doors of the UC that are closer to Air House, feeling lonely now that all of the other boys are walking together toward the end of the building that is nearer to Earth House. I trudge slowly toward the doors, thinking despairingly about all the homework I still need to do.

Just before I reach the doors, I hear the squeaking of shoes on the floor behind me. I turn around and am surprised to see Louis jogging toward me. He grins at me and opens up his arms when he reaches me. I feel warm and fuzzy all over when his arms wrap around me. I put my own arms around him and hold him to me tightly.

"Have a good night," he says softly near my ear. Then he lets go of me and turns to jog back to the lads. I smile at him as he runs away.

"Don't stay up too late!" I call after him.

His head turns to look back at me and he grins, shaking his head. "Nah, I won't!" he shouts back. "Who needs homework anyway?"

"Louis, you're such an idiot," I hear Niall say quietly from the other end of the building.

I smile to myself, all feelings of loneliness having dissipated at this point. I'm glad things are relatively back to normal.

. . .

Over the next week, things really do feel back to normal—possibly even better than normal. I get the chance to talk to Liam about Gwen, telling him that I'm not looking for a serious relationship with her, despite him seeing me at the dance with her. I also tell him that she seems cool with the idea of incompatible signs dating. His eyes lit up when I told him this, but they'd just as quickly faded into disappointed frustration. He still seems reluctant to consider engaging in illegal activity, which isn't really surprising considering his rule-following personality.

I also start up guitar lessons with Niall again, which is good because I didn't practice very much when he was gone. I make sure to bring him extra large pastries from the bakery as payment for the lessons. Niall certainly isn't complaining about his special treatment. He doesn't want anyone to feel sorry for him after his hospital experience, or treat him like he's delicate, but getting extra food isn't something he'll turn down.

Louis has a football match against Air House on Wednesday night, and the whole time I cheer for Earth House alongside Zayn, Niall, and Liam despite my Air House identity. The five of us celebrate Earth House's win with a quick run in Zayn's car to an ice cream shop that's located near campus.

On Friday, AZU hosts the Libra Birthday Celebration out in the Courtyard because the weather is warm enough for the event to take place outside. I have a couple Libra friends from some of my classes who I visit at the event, but for the majority of the party, I spend time with Louis. We don't dance together, of course, because we don't want campus security to develop any suspicions, but we do dance near each other when there's the full group of us lads on the dance floor together.

On Saturday, Zayn invites the five of us to his aunt's house out in the Ashbourne countryside, where we spend the day relaxing in the sunny autumn afternoon. His aunt must be rich; her house is quite large, and she owns a large expanse of land, consisting of gently rolling fields and a thick wooded area. We spend most of our time out on her patio, singing along to tunes that Niall plays on his guitar and just enjoying each other's company.

Zayn seems quite close with his aunt—whose name is Renée—because she frequently comes to hug him and kiss him on the cheek while we're hanging out, leaving his face pink with embarrassment and yet alight with familial love.

"Zayn, your aunt works for the city, right?" Louis asks after Renée leaves the patio, having just kissed her nephew on the cheek for the dozenth time since our arrival.

Zayn nods.

"I wonder if she would know anything about Niall's whole situation," Louis says, thinking out loud. "Does she work in the administration building where Niall was at?"

"I think so," Zayn answers before taking a bite of a chocolate chip cookie from the platter that Renée set out for us.

"Let's ask her about it," I suggest. "When she comes back to kiss Zayn again." I look down at the nonexistent watch on my left wrist. "Shouldn't be too much longer, now."

Zayn rolls his eyes at me and coughs. "Harry, I liked you more before you started hanging out with Louis so much."

Louis knows he's joking, but he leans over to give Zayn a light punch in the arm. "Hey! I think the sass suits him." He smiles at me, and I grin cheekily back at him.

"Learned from the best," I say.

Louis shrugs and raises his eyebrows, his expression clearly saying, _I can't help that I'm the sass master._

Eventually, Renée comes back out onto the patio and gives us all a sweet smile. "Can I get you boys anything? Something else to drink?"

"Nah, we're good, Renée," Zayn says. "You've already done so much for us."

"Yeah, thanks for everything," Liam says politely.

"Well, alright," she says, shrugging her shoulders in resignation as she makes her way over to Zayn to give him a kiss.

"Actually, Renée, we wanted to ask you something," Louis says.

"What's that, dear?" she asks, standing near her nephew's shoulder.

"Well...we wanted to know if you knew anything about Niall, here"—Louis points his thumb to the blonde-haired boy in question—"and his stay in the hospital wing of the city administration building."

Renée stares at Louis, clearly surprised by his question, and then rests her gaze on Niall.

"You were one of the students who came to the building from the homecoming dance?" she asks him, looking shocked.

Niall nods, looking up from his guitar. "Yep, I was one of them," he says rather nonchalantly despite the seriousness of the conversation. "I don't remember much of what happened to me, though, so we were wondering if you knew anything about any of it."

I see Renée swallow and look down at her hands. "Well," she says after a long pause, "I'm not really supposed to tell you lot anything that I _do_ know, which is very little." She pauses and looks around at our faces, which are clearly conveying our eagerness to hear what she's about to say.

"All I know," she continues, "is that Niall and the other boy were taken to the hospital wing of the building and kept there for about a week before they were released, and that the girl is still there and is having a lot of serious medical complications. I've not been told any specific details about the reasons for why these students passed out at the dance or why they're being treated specially at the administration building, and I certainly haven't been allowed to enter that section of the building. Only authorized personnel—mainly medical staff and AZPD officers—are permitted in the hospital wing. Everything has been kept fairly under wraps. The information I do know is what I've heard from gossip among my co-workers."

The five of us sit in silence, processing her words. So the one girl who passed out is _still_ in the hospital wing? Her friends and family must be worried sick about her.

"You can't tell a soul that I told you any of this, alright?" Renée asks, looking each of us in the eyes for confirmation. We all nod.

"At any rate," she adds, "I'm glad you're okay, sweetie." She looks at Niall, and he nods and smiles politely.

"Me, too," he says.


	17. Chapter 17 (Louis)

A knock at the door startles me from my half-focused perusal of my textbook, which is cracked open on my cluttered desk. I glance up at my alarm clock. 4:45. _Shit._

I get up from my seat and rush to the door, pulling it open without looking through the eye hole first. Emily stands in the hallway, wearing a knee-length maroon dress, a black cardigan, high heels, and a more than usual amount of make-up. I have to admit, she does look really nice, dressed up like this. I grin at her, and she smiles back at me until she looks down at my own apparel. I wince apologetically when her expression turns into one of frustrated exasperation.

"Are you kidding me, Louis?" she groans, flinging her hand out in a violent gesture towards the loose green t-shirt and pajama bottoms I have on. "I texted you an hour and a half ago to remind you we're leaving at 4:45. You are not going to the dinner wearing _that_!"

"Sorry, Em!" I say. "I lost track of time, I swear! I was trying to get started on the homework for History of Film...that assignment for Wednesday is a bitch isn't it..."

"Louis!" she cries, slapping her hand to her forehead. "Change your goddamn clothes! We need to leave now. My mum's waiting in the car park." She gives me a gentle shove back into my room and grabs the handle of the door to close it abruptly. "You have two minutes!" I hear her say through the door.

"Well done, mate," Zayn mumbles from his bed, where he's lying down and scrolling through his phone. "You're definitely getting the Boyfriend of the Year Award."

"Shut up, Zayn," I hiss as I fling open my closet doors and search for something halfway decent to wear. "And you know she's not my girlfriend," I add, my voice lowered so Emily won't hear me.

"Sheesh, can't a man make a joke?" he asks rhetorically, his eyes still glued to his phone screen.

I don't have the mental energy to come up with a sharp comeback, as I'm focusing all of my brain power on throwing on a green button-down shirt and gray pants as quickly as possible. I glance briefly in the mirror and attempt to tame my messy hair by running my fingers through it. Good enough, I decide, when I hear Emily comment on the time again from out in the hallway.

"Have a good time," Zayn says as I pull open the door to leave. "Miss you already, babes."

"Oh, so now you're going to be nice?" I say, smirking up at him.

Zayn just shrugs his shoulders and looks back at his phone.

"Louis, stop flirting with Zayn and get your ass out here," Emily sighs, grabbing my arm and pulling me into the hallway. She does a quick assessment of my attire and then nods in apparent approval. "C'mon, my mum's wondering where we are," she says as we speed walk down the hallway. Her ability to walk so quickly in her high heels without falling over is impressive.

Once we exit the building, we head in the direction of the car park located alongside the campus administration building. Eventually we see Emily's mum's white sedan in the car park; when I squint, I can see her mum waving at us through the windshield. We make our way hastily towards the car and climb inside.

"Sorry, mum," Emily says apologetically when she settles herself in the back seat. "Someone lost track of time..." She shifts her accusing gaze to me and gives a forced cough.

Her mum, Dawn, turns in the driver's seat and looks back at the both of us, grinning. She has shoulder-length light brown hair and wispy bangs that come down across her forehead. Her eyes are kind and gentle, and she has a warm smile. From the various times I've spent time with her since getting to know Emily last year, I've decided she has one of the most mummy-ish demeanors I've ever been acquainted with. She's wearing a Virgo white blouse, a light tan cardigan, and sparkling earrings.

"Hi Louis, nice to see you again," she says sweetly to me, ignoring what Emily's just said.

I smile back at her. "Nice to see you again as well, Mrs. Calcutt. Sorry for being late."

"It's quite alright, love," she says as she pulls us out of the car park. "The city administration building isn't that far away, anyway."

The short drive is filled with small talk and light conversation about this and that. Emily and her mum don't have much to catch up on, since Emily usually visits her parents every weekend and she just saw her mum two days ago, on Saturday. I've been to her parents' house in Ashbourne a handful of times; it's not too far away from the AZU campus. While we chat, I look out the car window and enjoy watching the houses and shops whir by, everything tinted in a bronze hue from the evening sun. 

When we reach the Ashbourne Zodiac City Administration building, the three of us step out of the car and make our way toward the main doors of the building. Several AZPD officers, clad in their gray uniforms, are walking through the crowded car park toward the doors as well, along with their families. Presumably, Emily's dad is already inside, because Emily's mum walks toward the main doors without so much as a glance to the left or right to look for her husband. Emily's heels click on the pavement beside me, and when she reaches for my hand to hold, I just go along with it. I still haven't told her that I don't want to be more than friends with her.

Despite a certain curly-headed boy slowly claiming every nook and cranny of my heart since the beginning of the school year, there is still a part of me that is reluctant to just break things off with Emily. I enjoy spending time with her, and a part of me thinks that if Harry and I were to ever get caught, or if things shouldn't work out between the two of us, I would still have Emily to go back to—someone who it's safe and legal for me to be in a relationship with. One side of my brain thinks it's unfair to Emily to use her as my back-up plan, so if I really like Harry so much and can see things progressing further between us, it would make sense to just break things off with her. The other side of my brain tells me I'm crazy, however, for dropping everything—namely, a relationship I've built over a year with someone of a compatible sign—for someone like Harry, with whom I'd have to be constantly on my guard to make sure we're not caught.

So even though I'd rather be somewhere with Harry right now on this Monday evening, instead I'm holding Emily's hand and going to an AZPD dinner event with her family. She invited me to go with her a few weeks ago, and I agreed because I knew she really wanted to go together.

The administration building looms over the car park, and I note that it's quite a large building, with many different adjoining sections. I've only ever seen it from a distance; I've never been inside. As we enter the building and walk down a wide hallway, I wonder where the clandestine hospital wing is located.

There is an area for us to hang up our coats, and then we enter a large, spacious room with seemingly hundreds of round tables, about three-quarters them already filled with guests. The room buzzes with conversation, laughter, and the clinking of pitchers tipping to fill water glasses at each of the tables. Gray-uniformed AZPD officers are visibly sprinkled throughout the tables, and families donned in colors of all signs are seated around them, all looking nicely dressed for the occasion.

And what an occasion it is, I observe, looking around the space as Emily's mum leads us toward a table near the far left corner of the room. The atmosphere of the place feels fancy, refined even. I'm not sure I've ever been to an event as elegant as this one. The common stereotype that all the families of the AZPD officers are rich seems to be true based on the attire and mannerisms of the guests seated around the tables. I feel out of place as someone from a fairly middle-class family.

A few AZPD officers and several other guests sit at the table that we're headed towards, and when we approach, one of the AZPD officers stands up, smiling and giving us a wave.

"You made it!" the officer says loudly above the buzz of conversation. I recognize him to be Emily's dad, Officer Peter Calcutt, a man who seems to get more muscular every time I see him. He's a fairly large man, built with broad shoulders, strong-looking arms, and a square jaw. He's always been friendly enough to me, but I've also always felt intimidated by him. Maybe that's another reason why I'm hesitant to end things with Emily. I'm scared of what her father's reaction might be to some kid like me potentially breaking his daughter's heart.

Mr. Calcutt hugs his wife and daughter in greeting and then turns to me to shake my hand.

"A pleasure seeing you again, Louis," he says, nodding at me. "How's the school year been treating you so far?"

"Not too bad at all, although the homework can be a bitch," I say, immediately freezing up at my choice of words. "Shit, I've sworn. Shit, sorry!" I stumble over my words, and my face becomes hot. There seems to be the briefest flash of distaste in his eyes, but then a large, good-natured grin breaks out across his face, and he chuckles. I can feel rather than see Emily's eyes boring holes into the side of my face. Goddamn it! Why do I always seem to make a bloody fool of myself in front of her dad?

Mrs. Calcutt saves all of us from the awkwardness of the situation by greeting the other officers and family members seated around the table. Emily and I sit down next to each other, and when her parents are fully engaged in conversation, I give her a side glance and mouth 'sorry' to her. She smiles at me, rolls her eyes, and pats my leg under the table. 

Once nearly all of the seats in the large room are filled with guests, two representatives from the AZPD department and the city administrative office stand up at the front of the room and speak from a podium, honoring the dedicated service and industrious efforts of the AZPD officers in keeping the city safe over the past year. The speeches are met with emphatic applause, and shortly after their completion, catering staff workers appear from side doors bearing platters of salad bowls to be passed out to all of the guests.

Over the course of the evening, I listen as the adults at our table converse about local gossip, the weather, professional football, and other things of that sort while I enjoy each new course of the dinner that is placed before me. After the fresh salad comes a hearty lamb and vegetable soup, followed by the main dish of roasted lemon chicken and herbed rice. Just when I think my taste buds have been blessed with enough mouthwatering flavors for the night, my empty dish is taken away and my dessert is placed before me: an English trifle, complete with yellow sponge cake, red raspberry jam, and heavy whipping cream. I dip my spoon in and take a bite, my mouth exploding in sugary bliss. I can't help but think, though, that Barbara's homemade carrot cake is ten times better than this delicacy. The thought of carrot cake makes me think of Harry. I wish he was here to enjoy all of this food with me.

After everyone at the table finishes their dessert, we sit and chat for a while longer. Sitting there with my stomach contentedly full of food, I start to get sleepy and struggle to remain attentive to the conversation. Just when my eyelids start to flutter, one of the officers sitting next to Emily's dad says something that makes me perk up.

"You know, there's so many people in this city who think they can just get away with breaking city laws left and right," the officer says, shaking his head. "I think I can speak on behalf of all of us officers here tonight that things need to get stricter if we want Ashbourne to be a safe, well-organized Zodiac society."

Emily's dad nods. "I agree. People can't just keep expecting they won't be punished for illegal activity. The number of incompatible couples we've busted in the past month is astronomical."

The other officers and family members shake their heads, looking troubled by this news.

I'm fully awake by now, my heart rate starting to speed up. What would Officer Calcutt think if he knew the kinds of 'illegal activity' I've been dabbling in over the past month and a half? I try as hard as I can to keep my expression blank, but fearful thoughts of being caught with Harry flood my brain, blinding me with anxiety. I sense a bubble of anger start to rise to the surface of my mind, but it's quelled by the overwhelming feelings of distress and worry at the realization of how much I've risked to pursue a closer relationship with Harry, and how much I've been planning to risk to develop that relationship further. I'm suddenly desperate to leave this table, this whole event. My whole body feels tense, and I have a hard time keeping still in my chair. 

At long last, everyone at our table gets up to leave, and I sigh silently in relief. Once our party exits the building and steps outside into the coolness of early night, I walk back to Mrs. Calcutt's white sedan with Emily at my side, her mum and dad walking hand-in-hand in front of us. I'm quiet on the drive back to campus, keeping my face turned to look out the window at the lamp lights that pass by, which throw strange shadows across the inside of the car as we move through the streets.

Mrs. Calcutt eventually pulls us into the car park on campus, and after an exchange of 'good-nights' and 'thank yous,' Emily and I step out of the vehicle and begin the journey back to Earth House, both of us tired from our evening out. When we reach our dorm building, I walk her back to her room in the Taurus section of the building. She gives me a hug and a kiss before unlocking her door and disappearing inside, promising me that she'll text me tomorrow.

I walk slowly through the quiet hallways toward the Capricorn rooms, barely picking my feet off the ground. I'm burdened by a mixture of frustration, anger, sadness, and fear that's churning within me, the comments from Emily's dad and the other AZPD officer replaying over and over again in my head. The food that had sat comfortably in my stomach just a little while ago now feels like a heavy rock that drags my heart down with it. Of all the emotions that are eating away at me, the one that stands out from the rest is the anger I feel towards myself for ever having fallen in too deep with Harry.

. . .

"I have to go to the loo, I'll be back in a minute," Emily says to me as she gets up quickly from her seat. I look up from my textbook and nod, watching as she walks to the other end of the library, where the toilets are located. 

It's Wednesday afternoon, two days since the AZPD dinner. Emily and I are set up at a table in the library and have spent the past hour studying for an exam we have coming up on Friday. I have football practice later on, so I wanted to get some studying in while I had time after finishing classes this morning. Emily's a great study partner, too, because she pays attention in class better than I do, and she takes stellar notes. 

I'm just picking up her notebook to check something she's written on the opened page when my eyes lift to see Harry walking towards me, a dimpled smile on his face. He's wearing a dark blue sweatshirt and black skinny jeans, his dark hair falling loosely about his head. The unexpected sight of him makes my heart lurch into my throat, and all of the emotions from the night of the AZPD dinner come rushing to the surface, making my body tense up. 

He reaches my table, still smiling at me. "Hey, Louis," he says. "Studying?"

"Yep," I say rather shortly. 

He looks down at the papers and books scattered on the table, and his smile fades slightly. "I suppose those are Emily's things?" he says, gesturing toward the end of the table nearest him. 

I nod. "She's in the loo." I look back down at Emily's notebook.

I feel him looking at me, his eyes searching my face. He seems to know something's off about the way I'm being around him. 

"Why haven't you ended things with her yet?" he asks, and I look up, startled by the bluntness of his question. "You told me over two weeks ago at the bakery that you didn't want a relationship with her anymore."

"How do you know we're not just friends now?" I ask sharply, shrugging my shoulders. "What's it to you?"

Harry just looks at me, his brows drawing together slightly. "What's wrong, Louis?" he asks.

I sigh loudly and look away from him. Then I stand up from my chair, place both of my hands on the table in front of me, and lean my weight on its wooden surface, meeting his searching gaze.

"Look, I'm just going to be straight with you, Harry," I say. "Look around us." I gesture at the two campus security guards I can see, both of them standing along the outer walls of the library space, keeping watch over the students seated at the study tables and browsing among the bookshelves. "The AZPD are everywhere, always keeping watch. I don't know what you think we've got going between us, but we can't be together, Harry! We could try and sneak around and avoid being caught, but it's only a matter of time. We are incompatible." I look down at the table. 

"So please," I continue, " _please_ , just forget about anything happening between us that's more than friendship, okay? Don't blame me for wanting to stay with someone"—I gesture at Emily's belongings on the table—"who I'm compatible with. When I'm with her, I'm not risking my full-ride university education, or getting fined, or who knows what else, like I would be if I was caught doing anything with you. I just can't risk it, Harry. I don't want either of us to have to suffer the consequences of doing something we might regret down the road."

My heart is pumping in my chest by now, and I feel my shoulders loosen a bit, eased of the burden of thoughts and emotions I've been bottling up since Monday night. They tense up just as quickly, however, when I look up and see Harry's face. His eyes are glistening, and he's biting the inside of his lip to try to keep his chin from wobbling. After a moment, he looks down and nods.

"I...You're right, Louis. I don't know...what I was thinking." 

It feels like my heart has just been ripped from my chest. Before I can find the right words to say, he looks to the side, appears to notice something, and then turns quickly to walk away, wiping his nose with the sleeve of his sweatshirt. I look over and see that Emily is making her way back to the table. She appears to notice Harry walking away from our table and gives me a questioning look. I stare after him until he reaches the library's main doors and exits the building, never once looking back.


	18. Chapter 18 (Harry)

_Just parked outside the visitation building :)_

I smile at my mum's text and feel my heart flutter in excitement. It's been about a month and a half since I last saw her, when she dropped me off for first-year move-in day, and I've been missing her terribly lately. Skype only goes so far when you really long for the physical comfort of a loved one.

 _Nearly there :)_ , I type.

My mum applied for a visitation time right away at the beginning of the school year so that there would be a reasonable chance of her claiming a spot in the Ashbourne visitation schedule at some point during the fall semester. Due to the constant flow of applications from non-Zodiac citizens wishing to visit loved ones living in Ashbourne, the visitation schedule is always difficult to get into. Luckily, my mum was able to secure us a couple hours together today, Saturday, October 19, from 2-4PM. I know two hours won't be nearly enough time to properly catch up with her, but we have to work with what we've got.

A bump in the road makes the taxi jostle slightly in its speedy journey, and I look up from my phone, wishing we were already at our destination. Only a few more minutes and we'll be there. The driver whistles softly from the front, heard just barely over the pitter-patter of raindrops striking the windshield and roof of the van. The overcast sky throws a shade of pale grey over the scenery outside. There is one other passenger in the taxi with me, a girl wearing a Gemini yellow rain jacket, who must also be meeting someone at the visitation center this afternoon. This taxi is primarily used to transfer students between the AZU campus and the visitation center, which is located along the edge of the city limits.

A few minutes later, the taxi pulls into the car park outside of a large brown building with numerous small windows and large letters above the main doors that read "Ashbourne Visitation Center." A tall brick wall extends from either side of the building; we really are right up against the city limits. The Gemini girl and I thank the driver before stepping out of the van and walking toward the building entrance, which is flanked on either side by several AZPD officers, all standing rigidly and looking forward. One of them gives us a barely perceptible nod as we pass by them, and I nod back, suddenly feeling a bit more on edge because of their intimidating presence. Even after a month and a half of living in Ashbourne, I still haven't gotten used to the AZPD's constant presence in the city.

I pull open one of the glass doors and gesture for the Gemini girl to go in first. She smiles up at me and mumbles a soft 'thank you' before walking inside, and I follow her in. To my dismay, there are even more AZPD officers standing inside the lobby of the building, who all turn their watchful eyes on me and the Gemini girl as we walk toward what appears to be the front desk of the place, located a little distance away from the doors.

A woman clad in an Aquarius blue sweater greets us warmly at the desk and asks us for our names and the names of the visitors we are expecting to see. After the Gemini girl gives the woman the required information and is led away from the desk by another staff member, I offer the woman my own information.

"My name is Harry Styles, and I'm here to see my mum, Anna Twisdon," I say. The woman takes a moment to look at the computer screen before her and then nods, smiling.

"Looks like you are scheduled to visit her from 2-4PM this afternoon," the woman says. She gets up from her chair and turns behind her to grab a small envelope from a shelf containing numerous slots, all of them labeled with numbers. She hands the envelope to me, and I can feel the light, yet solid, weight of a metal key inside.

"Your visitation room number is 302," she says. "Have you been here to visit someone before?"

I shake my head. "No, this is my first visit."

"Okay, then I'll give you a bit more information about the visitation process," she says. "So, in just a moment, one of our staff members will lead you to the opposite end of the building, where we have a waiting room for the non-Zodiac citizens who've come to visit. Once you meet your mum there, you are free to spend your allotted time together in your room, or you can choose to spend time outside in our courtyard—although, on a rainy day like today, maybe you'd prefer staying inside. We also have a café located just down this hallway"—she gestures to her left—"that's open to all visitors. At the end of your allotted time, we ask that your mum returns to the non-Zodiac citizen waiting room and that you return here to check out and return your room key. Do you have any questions?"

"Would you by chance have a map of the building?" I ask. "I feel like I might get lost."

"Of course, love!" she says, turning around to grab a sheet of paper from a stack sitting on the desk behind her. "I nearly forgot to give you one. This should help you find your way around. There will also be staff members and AZPD officers around to help you find where you want to go. Anything else I can help you with?"

When I shake my head, another woman suddenly appears at the desk, smiling at me. She has a name tag on that reads 'Tara,' and below her name are the words 'AVC Staff.' Ashbourne Visitation Center Staff.

"Ready to go, love?" she asks me sweetly, nodding her head in the direction of the hallway where the Gemini girl was led down a few minutes ago.

Grasping the key envelope in my hand, I nod. I've been ready to see my mum since the day she left.

Tara glances down at her watch. "You're scheduled to meet at 2:00, yeah? Looks like you've arrived at just the perfect time. Only two minutes to 2:00."

I grin. "Perfect," I say.

As Tara leads me down a couple of long hallways toward the opposite end of the building, I glance down at the map I've been given. The building is shaped like a rectangle, with the spacious courtyard located in the center of the building. I wish it wasn't raining; I think it would be nice to spend time with my mum in the courtyard rather than in a room inside. I wonder what the rooms look like? I imagine they'd kind of look like hotel rooms, since the building seems very much like a large hotel.

Eventually we reach a door with a sign that reads "Non-Zodiac Citizen Waiting Room." It feels like my heart is about to jump out of my chest when I see these words, knowing that my mum is just beyond the door.

Tara opens the door for me, and I walk through, blood rushing in my ears. The moment I lay my eyes on my mum, I rush to her and throw my arms around her before she's even stood up fully from her chair. I breathe in her familiar scent, and my throat tightens when she snuggles her chin deep into my chest. Hot tears form in my eyes, blurring my vision.

"Harry, baby," she mumbles into me, her voice thick with emotion.

"Mum," I say, wrapping my arms more tightly around her and reveling in the comforting warmth of our embrace. After a moment, someone coughs from a seat nearby in the waiting room, and upon blinking the tears from my eyes, I notice that practically the whole room of people is watching our tearful reunion. My mum seems to notice this as well, and we reluctantly pull apart from each other in our self-consciousness. She looks up at me with red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheeks and gives me a lop-sided smile.

"Shall we?" she says, nodding past my shoulder toward a door that leads out of the waiting area.

I smile and nod, putting my arm around her shoulders and leading the two of us across the crowded room.

. . .

"So how are things with Louis? You haven't texted me about him in days." My mum's large brown eyes are searching, and I look down at my hands, my heart sinking at her inquiry.

We're sitting on a wooden bench out in the courtyard despite the light drizzle, having found shelter under a large, leafy tree. The outdoor area is deserted apart from us, presumably due to the weather, but we enjoy the quiet solitude of the space. We can pretend, even if it's only for two hours, that we're in our own little world, where no barriers or city limits separate the two of us.

We've spent the past half hour catching up with each other, our topics of conversation ranging from how my classes are going, to how my guitar lessons with Niall are going, to how my sister Grace's university studies are going, to recent gossip from Holmes Chapel, and various other light points of discussion. More than anything, I've just enjoyed hearing the sound of her voice in person—for once, her voice isn't mutated by a phone receiver or a laptop microphone.

Her question about Louis, however, sends my spirits downward, and I feel fresh tears begin to well up in my eyes at mention of the Capricorn boy's name. I'm still trying to get over what Louis said to me last Wednesday, about how we should only be friends and nothing more, because to him it's not worth the risk. I'd just walked away from him because I'd been too choked up with emotions, but really, I'd wanted to tell him that it would be worth all of it to me.

My mum notices the tears in my eyes and pulls me to her, rubbing my back with her hand.

"Honey, you can tell me," she says soothingly. "What's wrong?"

I sniffle and take a quivering breath before explaining what happened in the library earlier this week. The entire time I talk, she doesn't interrupt me, and she listens intently, her expression sympathetic.

"So I haven't talked to him since," I finish, rubbing the palm of my hand across my eyes to wipe away the wetness. "He hasn't texted me or anything, and I haven't texted him."

"Oh baby, don't get too upset over it," my mum says softly. "You know what I think?"

I look at her, ready for her expert motherly advice. "What?"

"I think he's just scared," she says, "and he took it out on you by using some harsh words that he probably regrets saying."

My heart lifts slightly at her comforting words, but I shake my head, not wanting to get my hopes up. "I don't know, Mum," I say.

"Harry, from what you've told me, it seems pretty obvious that Louis has feelings for you, _beyond_ friendship. And you clearly have feelings for him." She looks at me, and I nod shyly.

"I think you two should talk to each other about it," she continues. "Have a proper conversation. And then you'll know for certain how he feels."

"But...so you don't have a problem with me pursuing someone who it's illegal for me to be with?" I ask.

She shakes her head. "Harry, darling, _of course_ not. You should be free to pursue a relationship with anyone you want. If you really like him, I think you should go for it, no matter the cost."

I give her a wide smile, and she grins back at me, smoothing my hair with her hand.

"That being said," she adds, "promise me you two will be careful." She looks around the courtyard, and I follow her gaze to see an AZPD officer standing just inside one of the windows of the building, watching us. "The number of security guards everywhere gives me the creeps," she says, shuddering slightly. "I don't understand why they need so many."

"It does seem like there are more here at the visitation center than anywhere else I've been in Ashbourne," I remark. "But I'm still not used to them being everywhere either, even though I've been living here for a while."

My mum suddenly places her hand on my shoulder and looks me directly in the eyes. "Are you sure you still want to be at AZU? Are you having regrets about coming here? If you want to leave I could talk to someone..."

"No, Mum," I assure her. "There are just different things that I have to get used to, living in a Zodiac city, that's all. And I wouldn't want to leave because..."

"...because you'd be away from Louis," my mum finishes, and I nod.

"Promise me, honey, that you'll talk to him and work things out between the two of you. I can tell that he means a lot to you."

I nod slowly. "He does," I say simply.

"I'm happy for you, dear, and I'm so, so proud of you," she says tenderly, and we wrap our arms around each other for another warm embrace, lulled by the gentle hum of the rain falling around us.

. . .

I wait outside the Earth House building near the bike racks, keeping an eye on the main doors of the building. Louis texted me a minute ago, telling me he'd be down in just a second. The autumn air is warm, and the sun is shining—it's a perfect day for a walk.

After my tearful parting with my mum yesterday, I'd ridden back to campus in the taxi van, reflecting on what she'd said about Louis and thinking about my promise to her that I would talk to him about the whole situation. When I'd gotten back to my dorm room, I'd flopped onto my bed, pulled out my phone, and texted Louis despite every inch of my being telling me I shouldn't. To my surprise, he'd texted back relatively quickly, and we'd decided to meet up this afternoon to go for a walk and talk things over.

Soon enough, the Capricorn boy breezes through the Earth House doors, his skin glowing, his brown hair messy and impossibly perfect at the same time, and his eyes bluer than ever. His eyes land on me, and he gives me a hesitant smile as he walks over towards me.

"Hey," he says, and I feel a rush of warmth upon hearing his voice again.

"Hey," I respond, maybe a bit more stiffly than I'd intended.

"So...shall we?" he says, nodding toward the start of a paved walking trail that leads into the wooded area behind Earth House.

I nod. "Yeah," I say, and we both turn to walk side by side toward the head of the trail.

We walk in silence for a little ways, allowing the rustling of the orange and yellow leaves of the wood around us to fill the quiet between us. Eventually, I can't take the silence anymore, and I speak up.

"Look, Louis, I just wanted to talk—"

"I'm sorry, Harry," he says, not letting me finish. He turns his head to look straight at me, and I return his gaze. "I'm sorry for what I said to you in the library. I...snapped, I guess."

He takes a deep breath and continues. "The truth is, I'm scared, Harry. I'm scared of what might happen to us if we get caught. Emily invited me to this AZPD dinner thing, and I heard a couple officers talking about how things need to get stricter in the city, because so many people are breaking the rules...especially incompatible couples..." His voice trails off.

As my understanding of the situation grows, a flicker of hope starts to shine through the confusion and sadness that's been burdening me since the library. "So...you do want to be more than friends with me?" I ask quietly.

We look each other in the eyes, and he nods slowly. "Harry, I thought it was obvious? I've been developing feelings for you ever since you bumped into me the day before classes started. I've been thinking about you constantly." He pauses and looks down at his feet shyly. "And truth is, I've been scared because I don't know how to handle these feelings when I know so much is at stake."

His words make my heart soar, and I can't help a big grin from forming on my face. "I've been thinking about you constantly, too," I say, and he looks up at me and gives me one of his radiant smiles.

We slow down our pace and eventually come to a stop, still looking at each other. Before I consciously realize we've moved toward one another, we're in each others arms, squeezing each other tightly. All at once, I feel the tension in my body ease as his warmth seeps through the fabric of my dark blue sweatshirt. He suddenly pulls away from our embrace, and for a moment, I think he's going to kiss me. His eyes travel between my eyes and my lips, and he turns his head to the right and left to make sure no one is in view. When he turns back to face me again, however, he looks at my lips and seems to visibly restrain himself from leaning forward, biting his bottom lip.

"There's a secret party this Friday," he says, his voice a bit husky. "Do you want to go with me?"

A thrill of excitement rushes through me. A secret party! I'll finally get to know what one is like. I tear my eyes away from his lips and look into his bright blue eyes. "I'd love to," I say.

His face lights up at my response, and we turn to continue walking down the path, kicking the fallen leaves that are littered across the cracked pavement, our hearts buoyant.


	19. Chapter 19 (Louis)

The school week passes rather uneventfully after my walk with Harry on Sunday, marked only by a football match on Tuesday night against Water House and a mid-term exam in one of my Performing Arts classes on Thursday. Harry and I have been texting each other almost non-stop all week, both of us excited—and more than a little nervous—for the secret party on Friday. Neither of us have been to one before, so we're unsure what to expect. More than anything, I'm just hoping to spend some intimate time with Harry in a place where we won't be judged or punished for our illegal actions. Just a couple hours of freedom.

Friday finally arrives, and after classes in the morning, I head to the cafeteria in the UC to eat lunch with Harry, Zayn, and Niall. Liam has his chemistry lab until 2PM on Fridays, so he won't be eating with us today. Payno and his goddamn smart classes.

The UC is bustling with students, and I weave my way through the crowd toward the cafeteria entrance. My heart flutters when I spot Harry standing by himself, looking down at his phone, his black backpack looking heavy on his shoulders. When I approach him, he looks up and gives me a dimpled smile, his eyes crinkling. I want to collide my lips with his in this moment; it takes all of my willpower to hold myself back and instead just give him a wide smile in return.

"Hey, Louis," he says, his feline green eyes gazing into mine. "Ready for tonight?"

"Can't wait," I say. I turn to search through the people around us. "Have you seen Zayn or Niall yet?"

Harry starts to shake his head, running his hand through his dark curls, but then his eyes light up and he points behind me. "There they are."

I turn and see the lads meandering their way towards us, clothed in Capricorn green and Virgo white. Niall appears to be laughing at something Zayn's just said.

"Took you guys long enough," I remark jokingly once they've approached us. I playfully punch my roommate in the shoulder, making the olive-skinned boy shoot me a dirty look.

"Happy Friday to you, too, bro," Zayn mutters, rubbing his shoulder.

"Aww, c'mon, babe," I say, throwing my arm around Zayn's shoulders. "Lighten up."

"I'm sure he didn't mind spending a little extra alone time with Harry, anyway," Niall says to Zayn, smirking. Zayn shoots him a knowing smile, and the two look at me and Harry like proud parents. I can feel my face getting hot, and I glance at Harry, who seems to have found something particularly interesting on the ground near his shoes, his own face pink with embarrassment.

"We can't exactly be alone here, though, can we?" I say, gesturing around us at the multitude of students and the few campus security guards who are in view near the cafeteria entrance.

"That's what tonight's for," Niall says, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Let's eat, shall we?" Harry says rather abruptly, moving toward the queue of students waiting to enter the cafeteria. I grin at the back of him, finding it adorable how shy he still is about us. At this point, it's clear that all the lads are aware of our feelings for each other, based on the constant stream of jokes and cheeky comments they send our way. I'm used to their banter at this point in our friendship, but Harry's still getting used to it.

When the four of us make it inside the cafeteria, we claim a round table and then grab our lunches. I'm not as hungry as I usually am; I think it's because I'm nervous for the party tonight. I put a slice of pizza and a glass of water on my tray and then take a seat at our table between the chairs that Harry and Zayn have claimed. When everyone returns to the table with their lunch trays, we spend time chatting about random stuff between bites of food. I notice that Harry doesn't have a lot of food on his tray either, and he just nibbles at it every now and then. I think both of us are more nervous for tonight than we're letting on to each other. Zayn and Niall, on the other hand, are wolfing down their food like they haven't eaten in days.

"I heard today that the one girl who passed out at the dance is _still_ in the hospital wing," Niall says after swallowing a particularly hefty forkful of mashed potatoes.

"Jesus," I say, shaking my head. "How many weeks has it been now?"

"It's almost been a full month," Harry says, his expression troubled. "I feel so bad for her family and friends. I wonder if they have any more information about what happened than we do, considering the severity of her situation."

All of us shake our heads in uncertainty.

"Thank God you're alright, Neil," Zayn says, putting his arm around the Irish boy's shoulders.

Harry and I nod along in agreement and smile at Niall, who looks down at his nearly-empty plate and grins bashfully.

"Love you lads," Niall says, lifting his head and looking at each of us.

"More than the mashed potatoes you just inhaled?" I ask in mock seriousness.

"Way to kill the mood, Loueh," Zayn mutters, stabbing a piece of lettuce with his fork.

Niall scratches his chin and pretends to be in deep thought. "No," he says decisively, shaking his head. "I suppose potatoes are still number one in my heart. Sorry, lads."

"Are Barbara's blueberry muffins number two, then?" Harry asks, and I laugh out loud.

Niall laughs along and nods his head, kissing the tips of his fingertips. "Christ Almighty, those are absolute perfection."

The four of us finish up our lunches and sit back in our chairs, chatting for a little while longer before Zayn has to leave to go to one of his afternoon English classes.

"You still sure you want to be an English teacher?" Niall asks after Zayn gets up from his seat and complains to us about the number of book pages he's had to read over the past week.

My roommate groans when he throws his heavy backpack over his shoulders. "Yeah...although it's probably not a good thing I'm questioning my decision to study English almost every day," he admits.

"I keep telling him he should do art instead," I say, shrugging my shoulders and lifting my hands. "Harry, you haven't seen our room, but Zayn's entire half of the room is covered in his artwork."

"I'd love to see it sometime," Harry says, smiling at me and Zayn. Then his face falls, appearing to realize he's not actually allowed into Earth House, much less our room.

I nudge his shoulder. "Hey, we'll sneak you into the building some time," I say quietly, giving him a reassuring smile.

He smiles then, his dimples prominent, and I rest my arm around his shoulders, more excited than ever for tonight.

. . .

"Be careful tonight," Zayn says to me as I'm lacing up my converse shoes. He's lying in bed with his phone pressed to his chest, temporarily suspending his conversation with Gabrielle to talk to me before I head out.

"Don't worry," I say up to him. "Harry and I will make sure we keep a sharp eye out for any AZPD officers while we're there."

"No, I meant my car," he says. "Be careful with my car."

I roll my eyes up at him and scoff. "Gee, great to know my roommate values the well-being of his car over the safety of his friends." I get up from my desk chair and rifle through the hangers in my closet to find a suitable jacket for the night. The late October air has had a distinct chill to it over the past week.

Zayn gives me a look that I interpret to mean, _Don't you use that tone with me when_ I'm _the one letting you use my baby for the night._

I sigh loudly. "I _promise_ I will drive safely. And thank you for letting me use your car. Again."

The corners of Zayn's mouth lift slightly, and he nods once, seeming satisfied with my statement of gratitude.

Just as I'm walking out the door, my hand grasping the door handle, I hear him say, "Have fun."

"I will."

. . .

I sit inside Zayn's sedan in the driver's seat, waiting rather impatiently for Harry to appear under the yellow glow of the lamp lights at the other end of the car park. The sun is down, and the car park's surroundings are cloaked in darkness. I keep my eyes peeled for any campus security vehicles while I wait, praying to God we won't encounter any police the whole night. From what I've heard, it's infrequent that secret parties get busted by the police, especially if they are held on private property. The AZPD can't just search a place if they don't have a legitimate reason to; even if they are suspicious that intimate acts might be going on inside someone's house between incompatible signs, they still have to adhere to privacy laws. Only if such intimate acts are directly seen by a police officer is it allowed for them to enter a house, or if they get a call from someone claiming they witnessed an illegal intimate act.

The party tonight is at a large mansion out in the country, which has apparently been the host of numerous secret parties before the one tonight. Niall is the one who told me when and where this party was taking place. He not-so-subtly brought it up a couple weeks ago in conversation, clearly suggesting that I ask Harry to go with me. The cheeky Irish devil—he knows exactly what he's doing. If Harry and I ever get caught, Niall's the first one I'm going to blame.

If no one calls the police on us, and if the mansion is sufficiently secluded enough, we should have no trouble with the police tonight. Still, my heart beats with a certain degree of apprehension, the possibility of being found out still clear in my mind. Being constantly on the lookout tonight makes me think of a couple weeks ago, after my mum had sent me the photos my dad had apparently taken of me playing in my first football match of the season. Neither of us have heard or seen anything of him since then, but for a while I was constantly on edge, expecting him to pop out of nowhere on campus or in town. I still feel uneasy, knowing that right now he's somewhere in Ashbourne, but I'm trying my best to not think about him too much. If he doesn't try to contact me, then I won't actively seek him out. I have no desire to see him.

After a few more minutes of waiting, I notice a tall, lean figure appear at the other end of the car park, and my heart flutters in a sudden burst of excitement and nerves. He's wearing a dark blue jacket and black skinny jeans, his hair falling loosely over his shoulders. He stops at the edge of the car park and appears to search the rows of vehicles for Zayn's car. I immediately open the driver's side door and step out onto the pavement to wave to him. His head turns toward me, and despite the distance between us, I can see the whiteness of his teeth when he smiles.

I stay standing outside the car while I wait for Harry to cross the car park. When he gets closer, I rush over to the passenger side to open the door for him, struck by a sudden chivalric impulse to do so. A fresh grin breaks out across his face, and my heart swells.

"Thank you, Louis," he says politely, maybe even a bit shyly, as he stoops to climb inside the sedan.

"No problem, Harry," I say before heading back to the driver's side and climbing inside myself.

When I'm situated behind the wheel, I turn the keys in the ignition and hear the purr of the engine. I turn to look at Harry, taking in his perfect features: the sea foam eyes, the sharp jaw, the straight bridge of his nose, the dark chocolate curls, everything... The urge to press my lips to his in this moment is overpowering, but I salvage enough willpower to hold back. I want to save everything for when we're at the party.

"Ready?" I ask him, lifting my eyebrows.

"Ready," he says, nodding and turning to look out the windshield.

"Alrighty, then, let's get outta this joint," I say, shifting into drive.

. . .

The driveway to the mansion is long and winding, with no lamp lights to light the way through the dark. I rely solely on the brightness of the car's headlights to guide us along, and I repeatedly check with Harry to make sure we've got the right address. Harry is holding his phone and squinting down at the bright screen, which shows the address that Niall gave us on Google Maps.

"Yeah, this has to be it," he says, looking up to peer through the windshield. Large trees line the driveway and move past us like silent, watchful giants, keeping a careful eye on those entering the mansion's grounds.

Eventually—thankfully—we come around a bend and the mansion comes into view, its windows speckling the front of the house with small squares of yellow light. There are numerous vehicles parked along the edge of the driveway, and many are also parked in a large worn-down area of grass along the left side of the house. As I pull us closer to this area of cars, hoping to find us a spot to park, I have to slow down several times to allow party guests to walk from their vehicles toward the front door of the mansion. Most of the guests seem to be university students, but there do seem to be some AZU citizens who are a bit older, many of them walking confidently like this certainly isn't their first time coming to one of these events. I'm glad Harry and I are experiencing this for the first time together; I think we're both equally nervous and excited for tonight.

I manage to find us a parking spot among the sea of vehicles, and Harry and I get out, feeling the chill of the autumn breeze surround us. I tuck my chin down into my green hoodie in reflex and grin in embarrassment when I notice Harry smiling at me with an amused expression. Then he lifts his hand slightly, palm facing my direction, gesturing for me to take it. I don't hesitate to intertwine my fingers with his longer ones. Our physical connection sends warmth rushing through every inch of my body, and I revel in the unfamiliar feeling of being able to show affection towards him without being judged by those around us or being worried that someone will call the police on us.

We walk hand-in-hand toward the front of the mansion, following the other guests who are walking in the same direction. I notice that there are many other couples holding hands, seeming to bask in the same feeling of temporary freedom that Harry and I are enjoying. The loud music coming from inside the house is audible from outside, especially when we pass by a couple of windows that are cracked slightly to let in some of the cool night air.

When we reach the tall front door of the place, we are welcomed by an older man and woman who stand just inside the doorstep and greet us with warm smiles and firm handshakes. They tell us we are free to go wherever we'd like on the first floor of the mansion, as well as out in the back garden. I figure they must be the house owners. Niall told me that this mansion was owned and inhabited by a brother and sister who came from a rich family and bought this place mainly for the purpose of supporting illegal love in Ashbourne. Apparently both brother and sister are in their own secret relationships with people of incompatible signs, and they host secret parties to help other incompatible couples throughout the city enjoy the same freedoms of love they can in their secluded mansion. They've never once been caught by the police.

Still holding each other's hands, Harry and I make our way farther inside the house, marveling at the tall ceilings, the large winding staircase leading upstairs, the multitude of colored lights strung up across the ceilings as decoration, the smell of alcohol and salty snacks, the buzz of conversation and laughter, the blaring music that reverberates from wall to wall, and the flashing rainbow-colored lights that rain down upon the party guests in pools of bright color. In a large room to our left, a crowd of people are dancing, laughing loudly and singing along. A kitchen area located ahead of us and the living room to our right are more sparsely populated, dotted with couples here and there enjoying each other's company in quieter, more intimate ways.

I lead Harry towards the kitchen area, hoping we can find some beer or something. As we pass by a long wall, I notice a large sign posted in plain view. I slow down to look at it, curious. Harry stops to look as well. I recognize the familiar listing of each of the twelve Zodiac signs and the signs with which they are deemed to be compatible according to Ashbourne city regulations.

The poster reads:

 **ASHBOURNE** **LOVE COMPATIBILITY**

**Ashbourne citizens are only permitted to pursue romantic relationships with one of the three Zodiac signs listed after their own sign. Please see the following listing of signs to determine your sign's individual compatibility with other signs. Failure to comply with these compatibility regulations is illegal.**

_Earth House_

**Taurus** : Taurus, Scorpio, Cancer

 **Virgo** : Virgo, Pisces, Cancer

 **Capricorn** : Capricorn, Taurus, Cancer

_Water House_

**Cancer** : Cancer, Capricorn, Taurus

 **Pisces** : Pisces, Virgo, Taurus

 **Scorpio** : Scorpio, Taurus, Cancer

_Air House_

**Gemini** : Gemini, Sagittarius, Aquarius

 **Libra** : Libra, Aries, Sagittarius

 **Aquarius** : Aquarius, Leo, Sagittarius

_Fire House_

**Aries** : Aries, Libra, Leo

 **Leo** : Leo, Aquarius, Gemini

 **Sagittarius** : Sagittarius, Gemini, Aries

Over all of these printed words, a large red X is painted, along with the words "LOVE IS LOVE." I smile at the words, and I turn my head slightly to see a dimpled grin already on Harry's face. Our eyes linger on each other for a few brief seconds before a couple brushes past us on their way to the kitchen, disrupting our moment of quietude. Shaken from our thoughts, we follow the couple into the kitchen, where, to my delight, we find several ice-filled coolers containing cans of alcoholic beverages.

Just as I'm cracking open a can of beer, the aluminum cool on my fingertips, my ears perk up at the sound of a fresh song blaring from the speakers down the hall.

"Oh shit," I say. "They're playing Busted. We've gotta get in there." Before Harry can reply, I grab his hand and steer us in the direction of the large, crowded dance room, where the music is particularly loud. The space is alive with moving bodies and stuffy air and squeaking shoes and waving arms; the liveliness of the crowd pulls me in like a magnet, the urge to join them in their dancing overwhelming. Harry and I stop just long enough to set our jackets and drinks down in a corner of the room before weaving into the moving mass and breaking out some dance moves of our own.

We dance for a while, energized by the bumping music, the flurry of activity around us, and the sight of each other's moving bodies, glistening with sweat. The hair lining Harry's forehead gets increasingly damp as the night wears on, and his cheeks flush from exertion. When we stop to take a break after the end of a particularly good song, we sidle along the edge of the crowd toward our beers and take a few gulps. As we're standing there facing each other in the corner of the room, I realize that both of us are having a difficult time tearing our gazes away from each other. I can't stop my eyes from traveling up and down his body, my heart still pounding from all of the dancing. I feel my pants grow tight in my crotch area, and the urge to put my hands on him is uncontrollable.

"Want to go somewhere quieter?" Harry yells into my ear above the noise of the music.

I nod quickly, and we head out of the packed room in search of a more secluded area. "Maybe we could go outside to the back garden," I suggest.

Harry smiles and nods at this idea. Our fingers intertwined, we make our way through various hallways toward the back of the mansion, where we find a set of patio doors leading outside. When we slide the doors back and step out into the dark, I notice there are only a few other couples out here, quietly chatting to each other. The large stone patio area is surrounded by flower gardens and neatly-trimmed hedges, and beyond the patio is a wide expanse of perfectly-cut grass, dotted by towering trees. There are small, blueish lamp lights stuck into the ground around the edge of the patio and along a narrow path leading out into the lawn. Overall, the atmosphere out here is peaceful, especially compared to the chaotic dance scene inside.

Our shoulders touching lightly, we stroll side-by-side down the dimly lit path, breathing in the fresh night air. We both stop to put our jackets on as protection against the night chill, the silence between us filled by the gentle rustling of leaves in the trees and the buzz of insects.

We reach a secluded spot a little distance from the patio, behind a couple hedges and trees. I turn my body to face Harry, and I see that his eyes are already on me. His expression seems to convey the feeling that he's longing for my body as much as I'm longing for his; his lips are parted, and his green eyes stare into mine with an unwavering intensity.

We close the gap between us in seconds, our bodies crashing against each other roughly. Our lips meet, and the warm softness of him makes me melt against his chest. I push him back against the trunk of a nearby tree and press him against the solid wood, one of my hands running through his curls, the other sliding down his lower back to the roundness of his buttock. He holds the side of my neck with hand, his thumb pressing below my jaw, and he moans softly. My cock is pressing tightly against the inside of my jeans, and I want so badly to do him here, now... But we're still in public, despite the temporary seclusion we've found out here in the garden.

We help each other pull our jackets off, and I pull my sweatshirt up over my head, so our bodies can get closer together. In spite of the chill around us, the warmth emanating from the skin under his shirt fills me with heat, making a thin film of sweat break out across my own skin. Our mouths continue to move together in rhythmic waves of warm, soft wetness. Suddenly Harry shifts and turns my body around so he's the one pressing me up against the tree trunk. His dark curls fall over my face and neck as he leans over to kiss the smooth skin to the side of my throat. A soft moan escapes my mouth, and I pull his face up to kiss me on the mouth again.

The sharp sudden sound of someone yelling from the direction of the house makes Harry leap back from me in fright, his hand wiping his mouth in reflex. He looks at me questioningly, and I shrug my shoulders, my back still pressed against the tree. He walks away from me to peer through a nearby clearing in the trees to see what's going on. The voice yells again, and this time it's loud enough for me to make out what it's saying.

"EVERYONE NEEDS TO LEAVE!!" a deep male voice bellows across the garden. "THE POLICE ARE ON THEIR WAY!!"

I push off of the tree trunk like it's scorching hot and rush toward Harry to grab his hand. We look at each other in panic, fear written all over his features. I suddenly remember our jackets and my sweatshirt lying the grass near the tree, and I let go of Harry hands to scoop them up from the ground. When I rush back over to Harry, we nod at each other and run toward the patio. Everyone else who had been outside before has already disappeared inside. The patio door is already slid open, and we rush through, joining the crowd of party guests inside who are frantically pushing their way toward the front of the mansion. Shouts of fear and anxious chatter erupt from the crowd, bouncing off the walls of the hallways and making me feel even more scared. If this bloody crowd would just move faster, Harry and I could run out to Zayn's car and get the hell out of here. I wonder how close the police are. And how did they find out about this? Did someone call them? Was there someone at the party who snitched? Of course, _of course,_ this had to happen just when Harry and I were really starting to get somewhere...

Eventually Harry and I emerge from the front door, swallowed up by the chilly night once more. We sprint toward the side of the house where I parked, weaving through the mass of vehicles and dodging the ones that are already pulling out towards the driveway, headlights blinding us. When we reach Zayn's sedan and jump inside, it takes me a few tries to stick the keys in the ignition because of my shaking hands. When I succeed, the engine revs, and I pull us out of the parking area as quickly as I can without running anybody over. I join the line of cars that are racing down the long driveway, impatient for them to move faster.

At long last, we emerge out onto the road, and I speed in the direction of town, my eyes on the look out for the flashing lights of the AZPD. We don't see any until I'm closer to town.

"Shit," Harry says, pointing up ahead at the flashing red and blue lights that are making their speedy way towards us, heading in the direction of the mansion.

I involuntarily hold my breath as four AZPD vehicles speed past us. When they disappear over the crest of a hill in the rear-view mirror, my breath comes out in a loud exhale.

"That was too fucking close," I say, rubbing my eyes with my hand and trying my best to stay focused on the road. My heart rate eases slightly when I feel the gentle press of Harry's hand on my leg, and I turn to look at him, finding it impossibly hard not to get lost in the green depths of his eyes like I had just ten minutes ago in the garden, when we'd temporarily forgotten about the illegality of our intimacy.


	20. Chapter 20 (Harry)

After our speedy departure from the secret party on Friday, Louis and I were freshly shy with each other again for a couple days, almost as if nothing intimate happened between us in the back garden. That night after the party, when we arrived back on campus in Zayn's car, we'd kissed each other once more before going our separate ways toward Air and Earth House, still shaken from the night's abrupt ending. The night air had felt dark and oppressive on my lonely journey back to my dorm, my heart heavy with disappointment.

It seems that without fail, every time Louis and I start to deepen our relationship further, something just has to interrupt us. The more I think about it, however, the more I come to the painful realization that we shouldn't be expecting much different, considering the fact that it's illegal for us to be together. For this rather obvious reason, of course it hasn't been easy for us to get to know each other more intimately over the past couple months. Each time I see a compatible couple holding hands on campus, I can't help but feel jealous of their freedom and the ease with which they can express their love. Louis and I are going to make it work somehow, though—I know it. We both felt the same undeniable spark of intense attraction at the mansion, despite the brevity of our lovemaking. Since the party, my body has been craving more of Louis, and I've had to catch myself several times over the past week from impulsively pressing my lips to his in public.

Due to the constant presence of AZPD security officers on campus and our inability to enter each other's dorm buildings, the only place we've been able to see each other in private is in the wooded area behind Earth House. Three times this week, we've met at the start of the walking trail near the dorm building, strolled a little distance down the path, and then veered off into the trees, finding a secluded spot to make out with each other for a little while.

I've asked Louis about Emily a few times, but he's never given me a direct answer about her, saying he doesn't want to talk about her while he's with me. I'd rather not talk about her either, but we can't just keep ignoring the elephant in the room--eventually she's going to find out about us, and who knows what she might do, considering her dad works for the AZPD.

Today is Friday, the first day of November, marking one week since the party. Since Louis, Zayn, Liam, Niall, and I are free tonight, we've decided to go out to eat at a pub in town that's not too far away from campus to celebrate the completion of all of our midterms. Mine weren't too difficult, since all of my classes are introductory ones, but I suppose it's an accomplishment all the same. It's crazy to think I'm already halfway done with my first semester at AZU.

Since all of us are done with our classes by 4:00, we talk in our group chat and agree to meet at 5:00 in the UC. From there we'll walk to Zayn's car and then drive to the pub. It will be nice to spend time with the lads off campus for a while.

When 5:00 rolls around, I throw on a dark blue jacket and say good-bye to Ed, who's about to go play video games with some of his mates in one of the Air House lounges.

"Shoot some zombies for me," I say as I'm opening the door to leave.

"Down a couple beers for me," he says back, glancing up briefly from his laptop to give me a smile.

"I'm not going out to get drunk, Ed," I say, rolling my eyes at him playfully before pulling the door closed behind me.

I'm going out to see Louis. And the other boys, too, of course. But mostly Louis.

. . .

"Zayn, not sure if you've ever driven before, but there's this thing called a _gas pedal_ on the right-hand side near your feet...and if you press on it, it makes the car go faster."

Zayn gives Niall a death stare in the rear-view mirror before refocusing his eyes on the road.

"There's nothing wrong with being cautious," Liam says matter-of-factly from the passenger seat, his head turned to gaze out the window at the passing houses and trees.

"Thanks, mate," Zayn says to Liam, looking at him appreciatively. "Love you. Your roommate's a bitch, though."

Niall lifts his arms in the air, hitting my shoulder slightly since I'm squished next to him in the backseat. "I'm just saying, we could have made it to the pub like five minutes ago if we weren't going at the speed of a maimed tortoise."

"Jesus, Neil, how desperate are you for your beer?" Zayn asks, shaking his head. "Besides, maybe my baby could get up to speed a bit faster if it weren't for all y'all's fat asses dragging us down."

"Hey, I have the fattest ass of all y'all," Louis says defiantly, making me burst into laughter. "Don't be saying we all have equally-sized asses." He dramatically flicks an invisible speck of something off his arm like the drama queen he is.

"Do you mean ass or sass?" I ask him, trying to keep my face straight. Louis can't help a smile from curling his lips, and he nudges me playfully, yet gently, in the shoulder.

"Eww stop flirting," Niall says, turning his head to look out the window.

"Niall, stop making rude comments or I will personally throw you out of this car," Liam says reprovingly, glaring back at the Irish boy. "While it's still moving," he adds as an afterthought.

"Yes, mum," Niall mutters, still keeping his head turned away from us.

"Is something wrong?" I ask, touching Niall's arm. Normally Niall is a pretty happy-go-lucky guy; something must be off.

"Ooh...I'll bet you anything it has to do with a girl," Louis says next to me, wriggling his eyebrows. I nudge him and frown, shaking my head at him.

Niall sighs loudly. "Are we there yet?"

Within a minute, Zayn pulls us into the car park of a small pub named The Celtic Tree. I've never been here before, but I guess all the rest of the lads came here a few times last year and liked the atmosphere inside the place.

When we enter the pub, we are greeted by a cheerful cacophony of jolly laughter, animated conversation, clinking glasses, and crackling fire. To my delight, I can feel the heat of a fireplace burning merrily in the corner of the dining area, caressing my chilled insides with tender warmth. The walls of the pub are made up of old red and brown brick, and the orange firelight gleaming off the walls creates a very cozy sort of atmosphere.

A worker behind the bar encourages us to grab a few menus and take a seat at a table of our choice. I'm grateful when Liam selects one near the fireplace. My stomach growls when the enticing smell of sizzling meat reaches my nose.

"I'm starving," Zayn says, voicing my own thoughts exactly.

"Hand me the drinks menu, would you?" Niall asks rather impatiently, gesturing for Liam to hand him the paper across the table.

"Niall, tell us what's wrong," Louis urges, clearly not joking this time. "Are you feeling okay? Is it something to do with when you passed out?"

"No, okay!" Niall says, his eyes scanning the list of beers on the menu. "And before you ask, it's nothing to do with a girl."

Louis lifts his hands up and leans back in his chair. "I wasn't going to ask...but now that you mention love lives..." He turns to face Liam. "How's Gwen?"

"Oh for fuck's sake, I knew it was only a matter of time," Liam groans, elbowing Louis in the side.

Louis clutches his side like he's been stabbed, and I smile. After a moment, when Liam doesn't say anything else, Louis raises his eyebrows at him meaningfully.

"Alright, alright, I talked to her this week in lab," he says. "Happy?"

"Extremely," I chime in. Liam gives me a small smile across the table. I'll have to ask Gwen about him the next time I see her at the bakery.

A moment later a server arrives at our table and passes out glasses of water, ice cubes clinking against the rims. She takes our drink orders and then leaves to get them. After we all decide what we want to order from the food menu, we all take a few sips of our water while we wait, casually looking around the pub at the other patrons. There seems to be one other table of AZU students in the pub, while the rest look to be older Ashbourne citizens.

After a few minutes, the server comes back with our drinks and then asks us for our food orders. When she leaves with our orders, Niall greedily gulps down a large portion of his glass of beer before the rest of us have barely taken a sip of our own beverages.

"Geez, slow it down, bud," Zayn says to Niall, looking a bit concerned. "We don't want you passing out again."

Niall just rolls his eyes and takes another swig, wiping a bit of froth from his upper lip with the sleeve of his sweatshirt.

I clear my throat. "So anyway, speaking of _love lives_..." I start, knowing exactly what I'm doing, "...where's Emily tonight?" I turn to look directly at Louis who's sat next to me, raising my eyebrows at his startled look.

Niall chuckles softly behind me, which makes Louis scowl over my shoulder at him. Then his bright blue eyes turn to look down at the dark wood of the table before him, and suddenly he seems to find his napkin and cutlery extremely interesting.

"She's going to her parents' place for the weekend," he mumbles, not meeting my eyes while he straightens his knife and fork.

"Shame she couldn't hang out with us tonight," I say, sighing. I look up and notice Zayn raising his eyebrows at me, looking amused.

"Speaking of Emily's parents..." Zayn says, clearly trying to save his roommate from further interrogation about Emily's whereabouts—damn him—"...do you know if Emily's dad was one of the police officers who busted the party last Friday?"

"No," Louis answers. "Emily told me he wasn't directly called to the scene. But I found out from her that at least ten incompatible couples were caught that night and fined a pretty large sum. As for the owners—the brother and sister who own the mansion—I heard they are facing potential jail time for their crime."

"I just wonder why this particular party was found out, when all of the parties they've hosted in the past have been kept secret," I say, running my hand through my hair.

"It does seem pretty odd," Liam says. "Do you know how the police found out about this one?" he asks, directing his question to Louis.

Louis shakes his head. "Emily said he wouldn't disclose that information to her family. Said that information's private."

"That's understandable, I guess," Zayn says.

A few minutes later, our server arrives at the table with our steaming plates of food, and my stomach growls hungrily in anticipation. When a heaping plate of fish and chips is placed in front of me, I inhale the delectable aroma of fried food that drifts invitingly up to my nose and temporarily forget about the topic of conversation. Everyone else seems to forget as well, because we all spend the next ten minutes or so digging into our food, allowing the various sounds of the pub's atmosphere to fill the silence between us.

As we all rapidly approach the point of being in food comas, we all suddenly hear a buzzing coming from Zayn's coat.

As he's reaching inside his pocket to grab out his phone, Louis says, "Must be Gabrielle, wondering why her baby hasn't been texting her for a whole hour."

"Who's Gabrielle?" Zayn asks, which makes all of us look up at him in astonishment.

"What do you mean, 'who's Gabrielle?'" Niall asks while trying to get the attention of our server so he can get another glass of beer.

Zayn stares at all of us in confusion and then looks down at his phone. His expression clears when he reads something on the screen, but then a look of panic takes over his features.

"Zayn, are you alright?" Louis asks, staring at his roommate in concern.

"Did something happen between you and Gabrielle?" I ask, shifting my eyes between the Capricorn boy's face and the phone in his hand.

Zayn shakes his head like he's trying to clear his thoughts. "No...I...for a second there, I swear to God I...I forgot who Gabrielle was." He looks down at his phone again as if to reassure himself of her existence. "I...I don't know..."

"Wait, are you being serious?" Liam asks incredulously.

"Louis's acting classes have been rubbing off on you, haven't they," Niall remarks, his face lighting up when he sees our server heading towards our table.

"I'm being fucking serious!" Zayn shouts, making the server and the people at several surrounding tables look up at us in surprise. Zayn notices and quickly appears to try to calm himself down.

"Okay," I say, trying to come up with possible reasons for his temporary lapse in memory. "So, maybe you had too much to drink?"

"I haven't had anything to drink except water," Zayn says in exasperation. "I'm the designated driver."

"Oh yeah," I say, feeling stupid. 

"Be honest, Zayn," Louis says. "Have you and Gabrielle had a falling out? Maybe your emotions are a little out-of-whack."

Zayn shakes his head. "No...no I swear to God I just _forgot_ her. Like for those few seconds, she didn't exist in my life. How could I forget..." His voice cracks, making my heart lurch in my chest.

"Aww, mate, it's alright," I say quickly, trying to be comforting. "You just need some sleep. We should probably leave soon anyway."

Niall makes a sound of protest next to me as he gulps down the second glass of beer the server's just brought him. When he sees my look of reproach, it doesn't take long for him to consent to the idea.

When the server comes to bring us our separate bills, Zayn still looks lost in thought, his eyes glazed over. When I privately voice my worry about Zayn driving us back to campus to Louis next to me, Louis announces that he'll drive us back, since he didn't really have that much to drink, and he feels fine to drive.

Zayn looks up at his roommate briefly to give him a small smile of gratitude before returning to his inward thoughts, a mixture of emotions—frustration, confusion, sadness, fear—written across his features.

As the five of us leave the pub's warm atmosphere and become surrounded once more by the chilly autumn air, I can't help but reflect on the strangeness of the evening. Between Niall's bad mood and Zayn's extremely odd memory lapse, things have certainly been more normal than they were today. Niall's bad mood, I might be able to solve with a particularly large slice of Barbara's devil's food cake. Zayn, however...I'm not so sure about him.


	21. Chapter 21 (Louis)

Since our trip to The Celtic Tree pub on Friday, Zayn has really been starting to worry me. Over the past week, he hasn't been eating much at all, his personal grooming habits have deteriorated rapidly, he's been skipping classes, and he's been practically glued to his phone—more than he was before—talking to Gabrielle, as if trying to insure he won't forget her again.

Witnessing all of this as his roommate has been heartbreaking, to say the least. I've been trying my best to remind him to eat and to reassure him that he was probably just tired that night at the pub, and that's what made him forget about Gabrielle. I even pushed him to go see a counselor on campus to talk through everything he's been feeling. When I first brought up this idea a few days ago, he adamantly rejected it.

"Louis, I don't have the fucking time to go 'talk to a counselor,'" he had said from his reclined position in bed. He gestured down at the stack of books sitting on his desk. "I don't want to know how many bloody pages I have to read by now..." He rubbed his face with his hand and exhaled loudly. "I'm so behind..."

"Zayn, I really think it would help you work through things," I persisted. "Your mental health is more important than homework right now."

"I don't need any fucking help," he mumbled, rolling over so he faced the wall. "Leave me alone."

"I'm about to have an apple from the fridge—at least have a few slices or something." I opened the door of our small refrigerator near the window of our room and searched for the red fruit.

"Not hungry," he said quietly before putting in his earbuds and shutting out me and the rest of the world.

It wasn't until he nearly collapsed in the dorm hallway last weekend from eating so little that he finally conceded to setting up an appointment with a counselor in the student services department on campus. This morning, almost two weeks after the night at the pub, I walked him to his appointment before I had to get to class. He was very quiet and didn't seem to want to talk to me, and his shoulders seemed to slump slightly from fatigue and emotional exhaustion.

The other lads have been trying to talk to Zayn and get him to open up a bit about what exactly he's been going through, but their efforts have been mostly futile. The only person Zayn has wanted to talk to is Gabrielle. When I informed the lads that Zayn had set up a counseling appointment, they were ecstatic.

During class, my mind keeps wandering back to Zayn, wondering how his counseling session is going. When class is dismissed, I walk from the fine arts building back to Earth House, eager to see if Zayn is back to our room yet so I can ask him how it went before my next class starts at 11:00.

I unlock the door to our room and push it open, only to find that he's not back yet. I allow my backpack to slip off my shoulders and land heavily on the floor next to my desk. I pull out my phone, and my eyes light up when I see that I have an unread text from Harry.

_So how did it go??_

I know he means Zayn's appointment—we've barely spoken about anything else besides Zayn since the night at the pub.

 _Dunno, haven't seen him yet :/_ , I reply.

Time ticks away slowly while I wait in solitude in our room, trying to get a bit of homework done while I wait. My efforts at being semi-productive aren't very successful because I can't suppress my feelings of anxiety and anticipation in knowing that Zayn will walk through the door at any moment.

When he finally does, I only have about ten minutes before I have to leave to go to class. I turn in my desk chair to face him, and my heart is instantly pricked with worry by his appearance. He looks even more exhausted than he did before the appointment, his features appearing more gaunt than ever. The dark circles under his eyes are prominent, and he drags his feet into the room like his legs are made of lead. He closes the door behind him and lands heavily in his desk chair. He looks at me for the first time, then, and I notice his eyes are slightly reddened, like he's been crying.

"So..." I start hesitantly. "How—"

"Louis, I have to tell you," he interrupts me, his voice a bit hoarse. He coughs to clear his throat before he continues. "I've been dreading telling you, and honestly I haven't really been sure about going through with it until an hour ago..."

"Zayn, what are you talking about?"

"I'm leaving Ashbourne," he says.

His words don't seem to register in my brain; instead they bounce off the surface of my skull and land in a confused heap on the floor between us. "I'm sorry, what?" I ask, searching his face intently.

"I'm leaving Ashbourne," he repeats, and that's when I know I heard him correctly the first time.

I furrow my brows. "What do you mean you're—"

"I know what you're going to say," he says. "That I can't just leave this city when I feel like it—that there are rules against that. That I have to stay until the summer holiday before I can just up and leave. Louis, I want to leave Ashbourne permanently. I've made my decision. Ever since the night at the pub, I've been going through hell trying to figure out what happened to me, and talking through my problems today with the counselor just made me realize how fucked up my mind is. I want—I need—out of this city. I feel... claustrophobic, like I'm an animal locked up inside the tall brick walls surrounding the city. And Gabrielle is on the other side of the walls...and it's almost like this city is trying to make me forget about my life outside its borders." He pauses to rub his hand across his face. "And I mean, you've seen what's happened to me in the last two weeks, since the pub. I've been a mess. And I'm sorry for not being a good roommate or friend lately, everything's just been so fucked up..."

It takes me a good minute to recover my senses enough to form words in response to what he's just told me. I've been listening to him talk with my mouth slightly open, completely overcome by shock, confusion, anger, and a flicker of debilitating sadness.

"But, I still don't understand...How are you going to get permission to just...leave?"

"My aunt Renée," he answers. "She talked to a few people in the administration building, pulled a few strings. I've been talking to her over the past week, and she said that it's been done before—sneaking people out, I mean. You just need to have the right connections."

I feel anger boiling up inside me. "Okay, but what about me? And the lads? And...and _everything_ here in Ashbourne? You aren't seriously going to just ditch all of it because of a meaningless little lapse in your memory?" Zayn visibly stiffens at my words.

"I mean, who gives a fuck?" I continue, my voice raising. "So what, you forgot about the fact that you have a girlfriend for like two seconds. Guys do that all the time. It's normal!"

"Really, that's normal?" Zayn blasts back. "So you're really going to tell me you'd be fine with just completely forgetting about Harry?"

"Don't you fucking bring Harry into this," I spit, blood pumping through my throat.

"You just don't understand, do you?" Zayn asks, shaking his head.

"No, Zayn, I guess I don't."

"I can't explain it, alright?" he says. "I just...this city is so fucking suffocating! I walk around with this tattoo"—he gestures at the Capricorn symbol on the back of his hand—"and wear these green clothes, willingly giving up my individuality to become part of a group of people who all happened to be born at a similar time of the year as me. I mean, what is all this shit? What's the fucking point? I can't believe I ever wanted to live in a Zodiac city."

I don't have a biting response to make; instead I just sit in my chair, seething and incredulous. Everything is happening too quickly.

Zayn just shakes his head at me and gets up from his chair. "I need to start packing."

"Wait...when are you leaving?" I ask.

"Tomorrow." He reaches into his closet to pull out a crumpled black duffel bag.

"Fuck, Zayn," I say, my voice cracking, watching as he fumbles with the bag's zipper. "Fuck, mate...you're serious..." The muscles in my throat tighten, and my body suddenly feels restless.

Zayn turn to look at me when he hears the catch in my voice, the anger in his eyes gone all at once.

"I'm sorry, Louis," he says, his voice barely more than a whisper. "But I don't think I'm going to get any better staying here. I need...my family. And I need to see Gabrielle."

"Who's going to be my roommate?" I ask, my vision blurring slightly. "Zayn, you can't just leave me here..."

Zayn gets up from his crouched position over the duffel bag and walks over to me, gesturing for me to get up from my chair. When I do, he doesn't hesitate to pull me into a warm embrace. I squeeze back but not too tightly because his frame feels delicate after two weeks of not eating properly.

"You've still got the other lads," he mumbles into my shoulder.

"But you're like my brother, Zayn," I say. "Nothing's going to be the same without you here. We've been through so much together."

"Louis, I've already cried so much this morning...stop making me cry more, bro." He pulls back from our embrace to wipe his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Why do you have to leave so soon?" I ask, my voice pleading. "Why can't you at least finish out the semester?"

"I told you, I just can't take it anymore," he replies. "I need to get out of this city now if I'm ever going to get better. My mental and physical health is just going to keep getting worse. I have to take a stand for myself, even if it means leaving my best mates behind."

I just shake my head, still processing it all. "Have you told anyone else about this plan yet? Besides your aunt, I mean."

He nods. "My parents know, Gabrielle obviously knows, and so do the Ashbourne administrative officials. Administrative staff from AZU will help me move out tomorrow, and my mum will be at the city gates to help me haul my belongings back to Bradford."

"It's just all happening so fast, Zayn," I say, pulling my roommate into another hug. "Of course I want you to do what you think needs to be done for yourself, but...I'm still a selfish bastard and want you to stay."

He rubs my back gently. "This is one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. But I have to stand by it."

The tears really start to well up in my eyes at this point, and I feel small sobs start to shake my body in his arms. "I know," I manage to get out before I collapse against him in sorrow, letting my emotions overwhelm me. After a minute, I hear his own stifled sobs, muffled by the fabric of my sweatshirt. We cling to each other, two Capricorns united as one, all intentions of going to class forgotten.

. . .

That evening, the five of us lads meet in the UC to make our final, tearful good-byes with Zayn. Liam is utterly heartbroken, Niall is miserable, and Harry is inconsolable. None of the other lads seem to process the news of Zayn's abrupt departure any better than I did. Niall vociferously protests against Zayn's decision, shouting and waving his arms in the air. Liam wallows in his own depression silently, too choked up to offer any verbal indications of his sadness but making it clear by his grief-stricken appearance. Harry refuses to let go of Zayn, his arms wrapped around him almost possessively. In a trembling voice, the Aquarius boy tells Zayn that he understands why it's for the best that he leaves Ashbourne, but we're all going to miss him so, so much.

The next day goes by in a blur. I skip all of my Friday classes and help Zayn pack up his belongings and move everything out of the dorm in large moving carts. When he takes down his artwork one piece at a time from his side of the room, my heart recoils at the bare, sterile white wall that is revealed, staring me in the face to remind me afresh of the loss of my roommate. With all of Zayn's things removed, the room feels more echo-y, which I suppose must be similar to the inside of my hollowed-out heart.

When all of Zayn's belongings are loaded up into one of the campus vehicles in the car park nearest Earth House, ready to make the trip to Zayn's car located on the south end of campus, my roommate and I turn to face each other, and we pull each other into a tender embrace one last time.

"Promise me you'll stay glued to your phone so we'll always keep in touch," I say, a tear trailing down the side of my face.

"Promise," he says, squeezing me tightly. "Love you, bro."

"Love you," I say.

And then we pull away from each other, and he gets into the passenger side of the campus vehicle after giving me one last smile.

. . .

That night I stare through my tears at the lifeless side of the room that was Zayn's and cry myself to sleep. Even when I wake up in the middle of the night to my phone buzzing, and I hear Harry's familiar voice on the other end, checking to make sure I'm alright, I can't shake the unendurable feeling of loneliness that's been weighing on me ever since Zayn rode away in the campus vehicle.

The next morning, Emily shows up unexpectedly at my door, asking me why I wasn't in class yesterday. When she looks past my shoulder at the bare wall and de-lofted bed on Zayn's side of the room, she gasps and looks at me in shock.

"What happened?!" she cries, pushing past me and gazing in disbelief at the half-empty room. "Why didn't you tell me anything?"

"Zayn's gone," I say simply, closing the door behind her.

"Yes, I can see that," she says in exasperation, sitting down on Zayn's mattress. This irks me just slightly.

Still standing, I lean against the back of the door and explain the events over the past two weeks related to Zayn's departure, including the night at The Celtic Tree pub, the counseling session on Thursday, and Zayn's move-out yesterday.

She sits in silence for a bit, lost in thought. Then she looks up at me, sadness in her eyes. "Louis, I'm so sorry," she says softly, and she gets up from her seat to wrap her arms around me.

"It's definitely going to take me a while to get used to not having a roommate," I say, my chin resting on her shoulder.

"It must be so lonely in here," she says. "I can come visit you more often, now." She pulls back from our embrace and looks at me meaningfully.

"Yeah...I guess," I say.

She doesn't seem too pleased with this response, because she lets go of me and walks back over to Zayn's bed, sitting down again on the bare mattress.

"You know, you've seemed really distant over the past month," she remarks. She waves her arm around the room. "I mean, you didn't even tell me about any of this stuff with Zayn going on. I want to be there for you, Louis. But I can't be if you don't make an effort to talk to me about anything."

I walk to my desk chair and take a seat, nodding. She's right. I have been pretty distant with her over the past month. And I know the exact reason for that.

"This is about Harry, isn't it?" she asks, taking me completely off-guard. I didn't think she knew anything was going on between me and him. My heart starts to race.

"What about Harry?"

"Oh please, Louis, I wasn't born yesterday," she says, rolling her eyes at me. "You've been spending _way_ more time with your mates this school year, especially since that Aquarius boy joined your group. You couldn't keep your eyes off of him at the homecoming dance." She pauses to brush a few fly-away hairs out of her face. "I haven't asked you about him because...you know..."

"It's illegal for us to be together," I finish simply. "So...you've had suspicions about Harry and I for a while, then?"

She nods. "And it's fucking hurtful to know you would just keep on using me like your 'back-up plan' or some shit like that, in case you and Harry don't work out." She gets up from the mattress and walks over to the window, looking out into the morning light. "Why didn't you just break up with me if you've been so in love with him?"

"I don't know if I'm in love with him," I say quietly. "And...I guess I just haven't had the guts to say anything to you because I haven't even been so sure about Harry and I being together myself. Especially after going to that AZPD dinner. That scared the fucking shit out of me. Plus, you and I were never in a proper relationship this school year anyway. We agreed on just doing a friends-with-benefits thing."

"It still seems wrong to not tell me anything about Harry and just leave it to me to put the pieces together." She turns from the window to face me. "Imagine if my dad found out about you two."

My breath catches in my throat at these words, panic rushing through me. "You wouldn't..."

"...tell him?" she finishes. She gazes at me for a second, then she looks down and shakes her head. "No, I wouldn't."

I let out my breath all at once. "Thank you," I say, my heart rate slowing a bit.

She just nods, not looking at me. "So...are we finished?" Her voice is small, making me feel even worse about the whole situation.

"Yes," I say.

"You need to grow a pair, Louis," she says as she walks toward the door. "Just fucking break up with the girl—or boy—if that's what you want."

I look down at my hands sheepishly, knowing she is exactly right.

"Well, good luck keeping things a secret with Harry," she says before she opens the door and leaves me alone with my thoughts.

I put my hands on my head and groan, angry with myself for not breaking things off with her sooner. It would be right about now that I would interrupt Zayn from his homework or doing something on his phone and have a lad-to-lad chat with him about relationship problems. He was always up for that, especially when he could tell I was really distraught about something. 

But he's gone for good, and I'm alone. I flop onto Zayn's mattress and turn on the TV that's set up under my lofted bed, hoping to distract myself from the feelings of loneliness I'm about to drown in. Zayn's futon is gone now, which is what I was used to curling up on when I would watch TV. Now I lay on his mattress, half-watching the random TV show that's playing on the screen and wishing that Harry didn't have to work at the bakery on Saturdays.

When Emily was here in the room earlier, I had realized with a sudden burst of clarity that all I really wanted was for Harry to be in the room with me instead, with his arms around me to comfort me. 

All I really want is Harry.

I pull out my phone and text him, knowing he won't see it until his next break at work.

_Can you come over to my room later?_


	22. Chapter 22 (Harry)

I push through the swinging doors leading to the back kitchen, glad to be on break so I can text Louis to ask him if he's alright. I've been worried about him all morning, wondering how he has been dealing with all of the emotions related to Zayn's departure yesterday. I pull out one of the stools from under a section of stainless steel countertop, cringing slightly when it scrapes across the tile floor. The delectable scent of baking bread drifts around me, and there are multiple containers of flour, sugar, salt, and other baking ingredients scattered across the counter.

I take a seat and pull out my phone, ready to send Louis a text. My eyes light up when I see I have one unread message from Louis.

_Can you come over to my room later?_

My heart lifts but then sinks just as quickly. Of course I want to...but physically I can't. Louis knows that. Unless...

_Of course, Lou...you_ _mean you want me to sneak into earth house??_

He texts back almost immediately.

_Yes. What time do you get done with work ?_

_4:30,_ I reply.

_Can you meet me in the UC at 5:00 ?_

_Yeah, I'll be there :)_

_See you then Haz, can't wait xx_

I set my phone down on the counter and breathe in the warm aroma of baking bread, feeling a rush of nerves wash over me. Here we go again—testing our luck and breaking more rules in order to be together. Judging by our luck with the secret party, I feel more than anxious about this evening's illegal endeavor. Still, the desire to spend private time with Louis is too great to pass up this opportunity because of a simple case of nerves. I knew a long time ago that Louis would always be worth the risk to me.

The remainder of my shift at the bakery seems to drag on and on; it doesn't help that I look at my watch incessantly, counting down the hours and minutes to 4:30. Each time a customer wearing Capricorn green enters the bakery, I instantly feel an aching longing for Louis's body to be pressed up against mine, our lips caressing each other gently. We haven't met in the woods behind Earth House for over a week now. Ever since Zayn's incident at the pub, me, Louis, and the other lads were solely focused on trying to make our friend feel better, to comfort him in any way we could. The thought of Zayn being gone for good makes a lump form in my throat, but I swallow it, determined to be strong for when I see Louis later.

When the end of my shift finally rolls around, I stick a large piece of carrot cake into a pastry bag and then bid farewell to Barbara before leaving the bakery. I hurry along the streets back to campus, impatient to reach Air House so I can change into comfortable clothes and then head to the UC.

. . .

I see him sitting in a lounge chair to the right of the doors I just came in through. His light brown hair is swept to the side, and his arm is propping up his head, which is tilted downward to look at his phone in his lap. There is a black drawstring bag sitting on the ground near his feet. He looks up when he hears the door shut behind me and gives me a rather tired looking smile when he sees me, his blue eyes crinkling slightly.

I walk over to him as he stands up from his seat, and there's a brief moment where it looks like he's about to hug me when I stand in front of him. I glance to the side and see a campus security officer standing just a little distance away. I look back at Louis and give him a barely perceptible shake of the head. If we were in a group with the rest of the lads, we wouldn't worry about hugging each other, since it'd be easy to lie and say we're just friends. But here, with just the two of us in plain view of the police, I think it's best we don't risk getting in trouble for doing anything that might be considered even slightly intimate.

Louis's face becomes downcast upon understanding why I've just shaken my head, which only makes me want to hug him even more. It's now that I notice his eyes are slightly reddened like he's been crying.

"Are you alright?" I ask him softly.

He nods and shrugs his shoulders, but I notice the way his lip quivers as he looks at the ground. I want to put my arms around him so badly.

Then he inhales sharply and looks up at me, straightening his posture. "Well, let's get going, shall we?"

When I nod, he glances at the backpack I'm wearing and gives me a questioning look.

"What's in the backpack?" he asks.

"Just some snacks," I answer, partially lying. I do have some candies and crisps in my bag, but I also have his slice of carrot cake and his favorite film. A couple weeks ago, he told me what his favorite film was, so I found it and bought it at a shop downtown the other weekend, thinking that at some point we'd be able to watch it together. I think the cake and film might be nice surprises tonight. I still want to repay him somehow for his cooking endeavors back in October in the bakery kitchen, when I was upset over Niall's hospitalization.

"Oh, nice," he says, smiling. When he bends to pick up the drawstring bag from the ground at his feet, I give him a questioning look of my own.

"Let's go to the toilet," he says, which catches me a bit off guard. I turn to start heading in the direction of the toilets just down the hall from the lounge when he stops me. "No, let's go to the ones on the other side of the building."

"Why does it matter...?"

I watch as Louis glances pointedly at the campus security officer in sight and then returns his gaze to me. "Because he's already seen you in your Aquarius clothes," he says under his breath. His eyes shift down to my slightly oversized dark blue sweatshirt.

Suddenly it dawns on me what Louis's plan is when I look down at his drawstring bag. I nod at him in silent understanding, and he nods back. We walk side-by-side—but not too closely—across the main floor of the UC toward the other toilets, keeping careful watch for other campus security officers. When we near the toilets, we take one last look around us before pushing open the toilet door and rushing inside.

When the door swings shut behind us, we both breathe a sigh of relief and laugh, grateful to have found a temporary safe haven. Not wasting any time, Louis opens up his bag and pulls out one of his green sweatshirts.

"Now put this on," he says, handing me the sweatshirt, "and then give me yours so I can stick it back in here."

"Thanks, Lou," I say. He gives me a small smile. I can feel his eyes on me as I pull off my Aquarius sweatshirt and pull on the Capricorn one. Louis's musky scent overwhelms my senses when I push my head through the neck opening of the sweatshirt, making my heart begin to beat a little faster. The sweatshirt is a little small on me, but it fits fine enough.

As Louis stuffs my sweatshirt into his bag, he doesn't tear his eyes away from my face, their blue depths gazing almost hypnotically at me.

"The green really brings out the color of your eyes," he says, and I feel myself blushing. He takes one quick look around the room and down the row of stalls before bringing his face close to mine and kissing me thoroughly on the lips. We melt against each other and breathe each other in, hungry for the affection we've been deprived of over the past couple of weeks.

Then he pulls away suddenly and looks at me apologetically. "Sorry...I couldn't help it. We should go before someone else comes in here. I just...I love seeing you in green."

I shake my head. "Don't apologize for that."

"Make sure you don't have your tattoo visible," he says, nodding down at my left hand.

As we move to exit the toilets, I pull my hand up into the sleeve of the sweatshirt, grasping the soft fabric with my fingers. A rush of anxiety shoots through me when we spot a campus security officer standing very close to the toilet door. He looks at Louis and I only briefly as we pass by him; thankfully, he mustn't have seen me entering the toilet with a different colored sweatshirt on.

We walk through the UC and exit the building on the side closest to Earth House. There are quite a few students milling about around the UC and out on campus, since it's a fairly warm evening for mid-November, and it's just about dinner time. I walk down the campus sidewalks next to Louis toward his dorm building, feeling like a criminal but not getting a second look from anyone passing by us. In this situation, it pays to be a first-year student, since not many other AZU students know who I am and wouldn't notice that I've suddenly switched Zodiac identities. When I'm not overwhelmed by my anxious thoughts, constantly scanning my surroundings for campus security, I find it's actually quite refreshing not wearing a dark blue top for once. 

When we approach the Earth House doors, I notice a campus security officer standing along the side of the building. He's wearing sunglasses, so I can't see where he's looking—which bothers me to no end—but he doesn't seem to think me or Louis look suspicious. Just two Capricorn mates entering Earth House. My tattooed hand is still tucked into the sleeve of Louis's sweatshirt, out of view. I watch as Louis pulls out his ID card and scans it on the sensor near the doors. A small light on the sensor changes from red to green, and there is a sharp beep just before we can hear the louder, metallic sound of the doors unlocking. Louis pulls open one of the doors and gestures for me to go in first. 

My first impression of the interior of Earth House is that it looks very similar to Air House—there are the familiar white cinder block walls and thin carpeting in the narrow hallways. As Louis leads me through the building to his room, however, I do notice that the colors of the carpeting are different, reflecting the three Earth sign colors of maroon, white, and green, instead of the Air sign colors of yellow, light blue, and dark blue.

I know we've reached the Capricorn section of the building when the carpeting in the hallways turns to a shade of dark green. Soon enough, Louis stops in front of one of the doors and fumbles in his pocket for his keys. I notice that the door only has a single rectangle of green paper on it, with "Louis" written across it. If I look closely, I can see the sticky residue from Zayn's paper that had been taped right next to Louis's up until yesterday, I suppose.

Just as Louis is about to push open his door, he turns around to look at me. "Sorry that it's a bit messy in here...I'm not exactly a very _tidy_ person..."

I shrug my shoulders "No worries, I'm pretty messy myself."

When I follow Louis into his room, I realize quite quickly that I'm actually no where near as messy as he is. Despite the fact that one half of the room has been reduced to only the bare pieces of dorm furniture, an explosion seems to have gone off on the right side of the room, shrapnel having crossed the median of the room and starting to fill up the left. Random piles of clothes are scattered across the floor, some things hanging from bedposts and others half-hanging from plastic hangers in the closet. A few food wrappers peek out from under some of the clothes, as well as empty soda cans. His lofted bed is anything but made—his blankets are thrown back and pulled out from the corners like he had to make a quick getaway this morning. Opened notebooks, folders, pencils, highlighters, and various other school supplies are clustered around his desk area, next to the heap of shoes on the ground near his closet. I can barely make it inside the doorway without stepping on something of Louis's.

I watch in amusement as Louis rushes about the room, trying to pick up a few odds and ends. "Well," I say, "I think I can safely say you've got me beat in the messy department."

He laughs softly at this and shrugs his shoulders, already giving up on his hasty attempt to clean. "Sorry, Harry, this is just the way I am, I guess."

"I don't mind," I say, shrugging off my backpack and closing the door.

"It's too bad you didn't get to see Zayn's art," Louis says quietly when he sees me looking at the bare left wall of the room. The room feels very off-kilter with Zayn's side looking so lifeless.

"Yeah, I was really looking forward to seeing it."

"I swear to God, he had every inch of that white wall covered." Louis turns away from the wall and starts absentmindedly kicking a pile of his clothes toward his laundry basket inside his closet.

A wander over to his window and look out over the wooded area behind the building. "You have a nice view," I remark. "All I can see from my window is a bloody car park."

"I'll have to come over some time," Louis says, making me look behind me and smile at him.

"Even if there's not a nice view?"

"Oh, I'm positive there'll be a nice view," he says, one corner of his mouth lifting as his eyes travel up and down my body.

"Wow, Lou."

We both laugh and then quickly fall back into a rather uncomfortable silence. It makes me happy that he's in a light enough mood to be his normal, humorous self, but I can still feel a slight tension or strain in the air, like it's only a matter of time before all of his emotions related to Zayn flow freely out into the room, drowning the both of us in a flash flood of sorrow.

"So...are you hungry?" I ask, breaking the silence.

"Yeah, a bit," he replies.

I walk over to my backpack sitting on the ground near the door and unzip it. I fish out the pastry bag, hoping the cake isn't crushed. My heart lifts when I see Louis's eyes light up at the sight of the carrot cake. 

"You didn't," he says, shaking his head as I hand him the only slightly crushed piece of cake. "Harry, I swear to God you're going to make me fat."

"Barbara is single-handedly making the whole of Ashbourne fatter, so join the club," I say, licking a bit of cream cheese frosting off my thumb. 

I watch with satisfaction as Louis shrugs and takes a large bite out of the orange cake, his eyes closing in ecstasy. Eager to please him even more, I rummage deeper inside my backpack.

"In the mood for watching a film?" I ask as my fingers wrap around the DVD case.

"Yeah, that sounds nice," Louis says, his voice muffled by the cake in his mouth. "Which—?"

He spots the DVD I'm holding in my hand, and a broad grin forms on his face. "Alright, Harry, I'm really starting to like this bag of yours. First you pull out my favorite dessert, then my favorite _film_..." He shakes his head. "God, could you get anymore perfect?"

I put my hand under my chin and smile toward the ceiling. "No, I don't think—"

Before I can finish my sarcastic reply, Louis's lips are on mine, his arms around my neck. I stumble backward from the sudden impact, but then I recover myself quickly and lean forward, wrapping my arms around his torso. He has a bit of stubble on his chin and along his jaw line, which scratches against the skin around my lips. After a bit, he pulls away, and his blue eyes look into mine with a blazing intensity. 

"I broke up with Emily this morning," he says, searching my face for my reaction, eyes hopeful. "I'm...sorry for taking so long to do it...I should've—"

This time I'm the one to cut him off, placing my lips on his and enjoying the soft smoothness of him with my tongue. 

"It doesn't matter," I say, running my eyes over the beautiful structure of his face. "I'm just glad you did it."

Louis looks at me gratefully and then presses his face into my shoulder, his arms wrapping strongly around my abdomen. I hold him back tightly and breathe him in, secretly glad beyond measure that Emily is _finally_ out of the picture.

"So, are we going to watch _Grease_ or what?" Louis asks, his breath tickling my ear.

. . .

For the duration of the film, Louis and I cuddle next to each under inside a mound of blankets and pillows, which we've heaped on top of Zayn's old mattress. The lights are off in the room; only a bit of evening sunshine streams in from under the half-closed blinds. We munch on snacks inside our cocoon of warmth and merrily singing along to all of the musical's songs, making fun of each other when we get the lyrics wrong or fail to hit a note correctly—which I must admit is pretty infrequent.

We're nearing the end of the movie when I look over at Louis's face and see a tear rolling down his cheek, the trail of wetness gleaming in the light from the TV screen. I nudge him, and he turns to look at me, his eyes shiny with tears.

"Zayn?" I ask.

He nods and then buries his face in my chest, promptly letting out a series of racking sobs. I pull him to me and just hold him as tears of my own form in my eyes, blurring my vision of the screen.

"Shhh..." I whisper shakily, trying my best to comfort him while each of his sobs slices through my heart.

He cries for a long time, long after the movie finishes. Eventually his breathing slows, and his weight becomes heavier against my chest. He's fallen asleep. My heart eases when I crane my neck to see the relaxed features of his face nestled against the damp fabric of his sweatshirt that I'm wearing, finally at peace.

. . .

I wake up some time later, not having realized that I fell asleep. I glance at Louis's clock; it's 11:10PM. Louis is still sleeping soundly against my chest, the wetness on his cheeks dried by now.

I suppose I should probably leave to go back to my dorm for the night. Ed's probably wondering what's happened to me. I wasn't really planning on staying here in Louis's room for the full night, even though I might want to.

I shift my body slightly, which makes Louis inhale deeply and move his head against my chest.

"Louis?" I whisper. 

"Mhmmm?" I hear in response.

"I think maybe I should head back to my dorm. It's after 11:00."

"Please stay, Harry." He lifts his head and looks at me sleepily. "Please."

My heart flutters at his words, and the corners of my mouth lift. I lift my hand and run my fingers gently through his hair, which makes him rest his head back on my abdomen.

"You convinced me," I say, and I feel, rather than see, Louis smile against my chest.


	23. Chapter 23 (Louis)

**Only respond to the following questions if you are currently in a romantic relationship.**

I look up from the testing packet and inadvertently make eye contact with the test proctor sitting at the front of the room, a woman wearing an Aries red cardigan with a ruby necklace to match. She smiles at me, and I give her one in return, my thoughts starting to draw lazy circles around the dark-haired boy I made out with just this morning. We did it secretly, like we always do, in the woods behind Earth House.

Am I in a relationship with Harry? Are we boyfriends? What are we? We haven't really openly discussed our relationship status, but I do feel like we've made a silent, mutual agreement that we both want to continue getting to know each other more intimately, even if everything has to be kept hidden. I feel pretty confident that this agreement was reinforced last Saturday, when I told Harry I officially broke up with Emily, and he spent the night in my room, holding me in his arms. My thoughts start to drift further and further away from the testing room, and it's not until the student seated next to me pushes his chair back from the table that I snap back to reality.

I shake my head slightly and return my gaze to the mental health test packet—the seventh one I've completed this semester. It does get a bit repetitive going through the same set of questions every two weeks—though sometimes they do throw in some new ones. This particular time is different, though, because I'll be answering the relationship questions with Harry in mind instead of Emily.

 _I am close with my significant other._ I think back over the past couple of months and reflect on everything Harry and I have been through together. From Niall's hospitalization, to our perilous night out at the secret party, to Zayn's moving-out, I realize there's been a lot of shit we've had to get through—and we got through all of it together. I circle _Yes._

 _When we are apart, I miss my SO a great deal._ I don't hesitate in circling _Yes_ for this question. It feels like Harry's crinkled green eyes, his lop-sided smile, his dimples, his sharp jawline... _every_ goddamn beautiful thing about him...have been imprinted inside my brain, so that whenever I'm not thinking about school, or my mum and sisters, or football, I have no choice but to let my mind wander back to the Aquarius boy who's managed to steal another bit of my heart every time I've been near him.

 _My SO and I have a strong connection._ Yep.

 _My SO is a priority in my life._ I would say so.

I breeze through the next several questions in a similar manner until I reach one of the final questions of the section.

 _My SO and I_ _disclose important personal things to each other._

Do we? A part of me thinks there are still a lot of things I don't know about Harry, about his past before coming to AZU. I mean, we've only known each other for a few months, so that's understandable. I know a little about some of his family issues he's had to work through over the years—namely, his parents' divorce and his mum's recent marriage to his step-dad. In a lot of ways, I resonated with him when he told me about the emotional repercussions he's had to deal with. I told him about how my own parents split up when I was really young, and how I've had to work through similar feelings of anger, frustration, and sadness related to my dad's past emotionally-abusive relationship with my mum.

However, I didn't tell Harry that my mum and I found out about two months ago that my dad currently lives in Ashbourne. I didn't tell him about my dad sending photos of me at my football match to my mum's phone after years of radio silence from him. At the time, when my mum had called to tell me about the photos, I hadn't yet felt super close to Harry, so I hadn't really wanted to tell him about it. And since nothing else has happened with my dad since, I still haven't told Harry about any of it. I've wanted to try to forget about the whole thing myself. But maybe I should still tell Harry about it? I don't want to keep secrets from him or anything.

The sharp sound of a student pulling out a chair to sit at the table behind me yanks me back into the world of consciousness. I've been daydreaming and going off on tangents in my head way too much during this round of mental health testing. I rub my hand over my face and sigh tiredly when I notice the amount of pages I still have left to complete. The clock on the wall to my right reads 3:46PM. Bloody hell, I've been here for almost two hours.

Harry's having his guitar lesson with Niall right now in the fine arts building; I was hoping to watch some of the lesson before heading to football practice at 5:00.

I do my best to hurry through the rest of the test packet, avoiding overthinking my responses to any of the questions. Eventually I get up from my seat and walk toward the front of the room to the test proctor, who smiles at me kindly from behind her desk when she takes my completed test packet from me. She gestures for me to go through the side door to my right, where there is a small room containing students' backpacks, electronics, and other belongings. It's not allowed for us to have anything with us while we're testing.

After I retrieve my backpack, I head out of the science building into the blustery November afternoon, all at once surrounded by the smells of damp leaves, wet pavement, and sodden earth from the rain earlier today. I only take a few steps in the direction of the fine arts building, determined to be more open with Harry and tell him about the whole current situation with my dad, when my phone buzzes in my coat pocket.

When I look at the screen, my heart lights up a bit at seeing my mum's name written across the black surface, 'Incoming Call' blinking beneath the words. It's been a couple days since I've spoken with her, so I'm excited to chat with her a bit. I want to tell her about Liam finally talking to Gwen in class. She's a sucker for gossip, especially when it involves any of the lads.

I press the green phone icon and hold the phone to my ear as I make my way along the campus sidewalk, letting other students who have to get to class pass by me in their haste.

"Hello, Mum," I say, pulling my coat tighter around me as protection against the bitter wind. I'm not looking forward to having football practice in this kind of weather.

"Louis," she says, and despite the brevity of her greeting, I already know something's amiss. Her voice sounds almost strained.

"What is it, Mum? You alright?"

"Yes, darling, I'm fine," she says. Then she gives a big sigh. "It's about your dad. Again."

My heart seems to turn to lead in my chest; it grows metallic and heavy and sinks down deeper and deeper inside me, pressing on my stomach until I feel an aching pain in my abdomen. Out of the corner of my eye, I spot an empty picnic table located just a little distance away from the sidewalk. I veer off the path, deciding it's probably best I sit down before my mum tells me more.

I clear my throat. "So...what happened?"

There is a slight pause before she responds. "He...sent me pictures again on my phone. Well, just one this time, actually. Honey, where did you say Harry works again?"

Her question catches me off-guard, more so than I already have been by my mum's news. "Um...he works in a bakery," I answer.

"What's the name of the bakery?"

"Seriously, Mum, what does this have to do with Dad?"

"The photo he sent...it's a photo of the front of a bakery. It has 'The Golden Cherry' written across the front window."

My phone almost falls out of my hand. I run my other hand shakily through my hair, feeling my heart rate begin to increase.

"How...?" I start, unable to form a coherent response to what she's just told me. There's no way my dad can know that Harry works there. Maybe he just saw me go in the bakery one time? Yeah, the more I think about it, the more unlikely it seems that my dad would have any sort of knowledge about Harry's existence, let alone the fact that he works at that particular bakery.

"My dad is a literal creep," is all I manage to say.

"Tell me something I don't already know," my mum says. "He didn't send anything else with the photo—no message or anything. Just like last time."

There's a pause in our conversation—one that is filled with aimless confusion and unease.

"I don't know, Louis," my mum says suddenly, her voice sounding breathless. "I just...I'm just worried about you...I mean who knows what your dad—"

"I'm really starting to think you should just block him, Mum," I interrupt. "I mean, clearly he's just trying to make you worried or stressed, and honestly, Mum, I'm practically surrounded by police every single day here in Ashbourne. There's police fucking _everywhere_ , Mum. Nothing's going to happen to me. Dad's just...playing mind games or some shit, I guess." I say all of this to convince myself as much as my mum that everything will be fine—that we're just overthinking all of it.

"Just promise me you'll be careful, baby," she says, her voice barely a whisper. I press the phone harder against my ear to hear her above the whistling of the wind around me.

"I will, Mum. Love you lots. Let me know if anything else happens."

"Love you. Be safe."

After we say good-bye and hang up, I take a few minutes to just sit there at the picnic table, processing this new information before I head across campus to see Harry and Niall. Do I tell Harry about this? Now he might actually be involved with all of this mysterious bullshit surrounding my dad. The very thought makes my blood boil. I swear to God, if my dad does anything to Harry...

I eventually stand up from my seat and readjust my backpack on my shoulders. Maybe it's time I try to reach out to my dad myself. I debated doing so back in September when he first texted the photos to my mum, but I'd decided against it because I really didn't want to talk to him, nor had his actions seemed harmful or dangerous in any way. Yeah, the photos of me were unnerving and weird, to say the least. But over the past two months, I hadn't let it affect me too much; in fact, more recently I'd pretty much been able to forget it had ever happened at all.

Just minutes ago, however, my mum resurfaced all of my dormant feelings surrounding my dad, and she's left me with something entirely different to worry about—that Harry might somehow be involved in all of this. Before, it was just me, my mum, and my dad mixed up in our own personal family stuff. Now, Harry might be in the picture. And the thought makes me want to either collapse from nerves or punch something repeatedly.

I walk along the sidewalk, barely paying attention enough to fully lift my feet off the ground, enveloped by a haze of half-formed thoughts and confused emotions. Just as I'm nearing the fine arts building, I'm distracted from my turbulent rumination by the sound of high-pitched yelling that seems to come from the side of the brick building. I turn my eyes in the direction of the distressed sounds and am shocked to see a group of three or four students closing in on a single student, their threatening advances making the student press up against the wall in apparent fear.

I shake myself fully awake and rush over to the scene, noting that there appear to be no other students in this area of campus at the moment. Classes must have started.

My eyes nearly bulge out of my head when I recognize the cornered student. It's Emily, wearing a thick maroon sweatshirt and blue skinny jeans. We haven't spoken to each other since last Saturday, when I broke up with her.

The other students are shouting at her, nearly drowning out the pleading tone of Emily's voice. I can't make out what any of them are saying; all I'm focused on is getting in between Emily and the others. I throw my backpack off my shoulders and sprint over to her, pushing around a girl who's hurling a particularly nasty insult towards Emily. I put my body in front of Emily's, who's shaking from head to toe, tears streaming down her face.

"Leave her the fuck alone," I say, my voice low. Four sets of eyes stare at me in surprise before their expressions turn back to ones of anger.

"Get the fuck out of the way, Cappy," one of the girls says, looking down at the green sweatshirt peeking out from beneath my coat.

"We have to find out for our friend," the single boy of the group adds, his voice deep.

"What the fuck do you mean?" I ask, still holding myself like a shield in front of Emily, my arms tensed in front of me in case I need to use violence to get her out of this.

Emily speaks up from behind me, her voice shaking and thick with emotion. "They...they said...their friend...died at hospital yesterday," she manages to get out. "The one who...went to hospital the same time...as Niall."

Complete shock jolts through me. I shift my eyes between the faces of all four students in front of us, noticing now that they all look like they haven't slept in weeks. "You mean, the girl who was taken to hospital after the incident at homecoming?"

A blonde-haired girl wearing a Cancer grey jacket nods and spits out, "We want to know why Aubrey died. We don't know anything about why she was hospitalized or why she never recovered when the other two students did. No one has told us anything, no matter how much we ask. We want answers."

"Okay, that's understandable," I reason. "But why are you harassing Emily?"

"Because her dad is a fucking higher-up in the AZPD," the boy hisses. "Isn't it obvious? She's gotta know something about all of it. Aubrey was in hospital for two fucking months."

"I don't know anything, I swear to God!" Emily yells from behind me. "Please, just leave us alone!"

"Where are the fucking police anyway..." I mutter under my breath, trying to edge me and Emily closer toward the corner of the building so we can make an escape.

Just a few seconds later, I hear shouting coming from beyond the semi-circle of bodies that have us pressed up against the brick wall. Soon enough, a couple campus security officers appear between me and the four students, and they push them away from me and Emily with their arms spread wide.

"Are you two alright?" one of the officers asks us. When we both nod, he asks us to explain what happened, and we do. I notice self-consciously that several students from around campus have gathered around the scene to see what's happened. After a little while, Emily and I are told we are free to leave. The other four students are led away by two officers. Apparently the police aren't done with them yet.

Emily and I walk side-by-side back towards the sidewalk, and she tells me she was just about to head back to Earth House when it all happened. She rubs her hands over her face, attempting to clear away the wetness.

"You sure you're alright?" I ask, turning to face her. Even if we're not exactly on the best terms at the moment, I do still care about her.

She nods and then wraps her arms around me. "Thank you," she says softly near my ear.

I nod against her shoulder, and then we pull back from our embrace.


	24. Chapter 24 (Harry)

"Hello?"

"Hey, Lou, I'm just leaving Air House right now." I press my phone against my ear with one hand and push open the main door of the dorm building with the other. I walk out into the brisk evening air and breathe in the fresh smells of cut grass and dry leaves, trying my best to calm my nerves.

"You have my sweatshirt on, right?" Louis asks, his voice sounding slightly tense. He's nervous, too.

"Yeah, of course," I say. His green sweatshirt fits snugly around my torso and arms, and I can still detect a hint of Louis's musky scent weaved into the soft fabric.

"Alright," he says. "Well, just let me know when you're outside so I can let you in. And don't hang up—I'll just keep you on until you get here."

"Will do," I reply, beginning the walk across campus toward Earth House. "It'll be fine, Lou," I add, attempting to reassure him. "It'll be just like last time—easy peasy. I'll just wait until there's no security officers around the doors."

"I know, Harry, just..." his voice falters. "Just be careful."

I make my way toward the western end of campus, keeping my head down and hoping no one recognizes me and notices the fact that I'm wearing Capricorn green. I tuck my tattooed hand farther up into the sweatshirt sleeve to mask my true Zodiac identity. I only spot two security officers on my unlawful journey, and from my covert glances in their direction, I'm relieved to notice that neither of them give me more than a brief, inconsequential glance. This gives me a renewed spark of confidence that everything will be alright, that I'll get into Earth House without any problems, that students do this kind of thing all the time, and that I worry too much about following the rules.

I'm beyond excited to spend another night with Louis in his room. The butterflies in my stomach take flight when I think about what might happen between us tonight. The prospect of taking the intimacy in our relationship to the next step is making all of this illegal activity worth it right now, as well as my curiosity about something he said he's been meaning to talk to me about for a while. He said it's something to do with his dad, and he decided he's finally going to tell me about it tonight. I have absolutely no idea what it could be, but he seemed pretty distraught over it.

Eventually, I reach the library; Earth House is located just a little distance down the sidewalk. As I slow down my pace so I can look out for security officers in the area around the dorm building, I talk into my phone again.

"Lou, you still there?"

"Yeah," he quickly responds. "Are you close?"

"Yeah, I'm just near the library and..." I squint my eyes. "I don't see any officers around. Looks like the coast is clear."

"Alright, mate, I'll head down right now."

"Okay, I'll meet you at the doors," I say. I walk briskly toward the front of the building, where the large metal Earth symbol is hanging above the main doors. I never stop scanning my surroundings as I approach the doors, my eyes trained for any signs of the grey of the campus security uniforms. No officers...no officers...I'm so close to the doors...I hope Louis's just inside...

Just then, two security officers appear like ghosts from a hidden spot along the right side of the building and rush towards me, ordering me to put my phone on the ground and put my hands on my head. My heart stops beating in my chest, and I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. My mouth moves, forming soundless words as I obey, bending my knees to set my phone on the ground. I can hear Louis's barely audible voice shouting my name over and over from the receiver. I stand up and face the two officers, placing my hands on the top of my head and trying to get a little oxygen into my lungs.

The officers are tall men with broad shoulders, dark eyes, and mouths that appear to be permanently stuck in a grimace.

"Show me your hand," one of the officers demands, his voice deep and authoritative, while the other picks up my phone from the ground. 

Knowing I have no choice but to comply, I reluctantly lower my left hand from my head, revealing the black Aquarius symbol that is inked on the pale skin. The officers take one look at my hand before each of them grabs one of my arms roughly and turns me away from Earth House, leading me back toward the eastern end of campus. I know where they're taking me—to the campus security base, which is located right next to Air House.

I feel horribly ashamed as I walk along the campus sidewalk with the officers on either side of me, especially when I occasionally lift my gaze from the ground and see other students looking at me with a mixture of disapproval and curiosity. I want to scream and shake away the officers' hands and sprint back toward Earth House to run into Louis's arms. But I remain compliant and shuffle along toward the security base, wondering what the consequences of my actions will be. I glance at the officer on my left, who must still have my phone in his pocket. Did Louis see everything happen from inside the doors? I'm glad he didn't come out to try to intervene if he did see anything. It's better if it's just me that takes the punishment instead of the both of us.

As we near the security base, I find myself wondering why the officers had been so quick to rush at me from their hidden spot alongside the dorm building. Had they recognized me and known they'd seen me on campus before wearing dark blue Aquarius clothing? Technically I hadn't even tried to enter the Earth House building yet when they stopped me, so it doesn't seem right to accuse me of illegally entering another dorm building when I wasn't actually doing so. Yeah, it was my intention, but they hadn't actually caught me in the act. So I guess they're just going to make me pay a fine or something for not wearing my sign's color. I think I've heard that the fine for that isn't a very hefty one. This shouldn't be too bad, then.

Eventually my walk of shame comes to an end when our group of three reaches the main doors of the security base. One of the officers uses an ID card to scan us into the building. The interior is dark, due mainly to the brown brick walls and dim lighting inside the place. The two officers finally let go of me when the main doors close behind us, and they pass me off to a serious-looking woman in a grey uniform, who beckons for me to follow her down a narrow hallway leading further inside the building. She doesn't say anything to me until we reach a cream-colored door set into the brick wall towards the end of the hallway. She pulls open the door and waves for me to go inside.

"Please wait inside for a moment," she says, her voice surprisingly high-pitched. "One of our staff members will be with you shortly."

She doesn't wait for me to answer before she shuts the door, and turns a key inside the handle, locking me inside. The room looks very much like a room at the clinic; there are two chairs, a small desk, a counter with a sink, and a raised bed with a sheet of wax paper stretched across the bed's surface.

This is not at all what I expected.

I sit down uncertainly on one of the chairs, feeling like a patient waiting for my doctor to appear. After a few minutes, I hear a key turning in the lock in the door, and I sit bolt upright, my heart beginning to pound in my chest. The door opens to reveal two "staff members," a man and a woman who are dressed in scrubs and carrying a variety of tools that look to be medical supplies. My heart skips a beat when I see the woman holding a large-looking syringe.

"What...?" I start, feeling a combination of fear and confusion form a tight knot in my stomach.

"Don't worry, dear," the woman says, her smooth voice soothing. "All we need for you to do is lay down on the bed, there." She nods toward the bed in front of me.

"But, I don't understand..." I say.

"We just need to do a few tests," the man says as he organizes a few of his supplies on the counter.

"Can you tell me what—"

"Please get on the bed," the woman interrupts me, her voice more commanding this time. She looks at me, her hazel eyes penetrating my green ones.

I stand up from my chair and move toward the bed, unsure of what is happening but deciding I'll only make things worse for myself if I continue being non-compliant. I sit down on the bed, noticing all the while that the man at the counter seems to be filling the large syringe with a clear liquid. That can't be for me, can it? I want Louis here with me.

"Good, now lie down," the woman says, standing at the foot of the bed.

I lower myself down, feeling instantly more vulnerable in this reclined position. I raise my head to look at the woman.

"Does this all have to do with my punishmen—"

"Please stop talking," the woman says, sounding thoroughly exasperated. "Don't forget you are under arrest."

At this moment, the man appears from behind the woman and comes to my side. I flinch when he touches my right arm with a gloved hand, feeling around the sensitive skin inside my elbow. A wave of panic washes over me like a tidal wave when I see the syringe in his other hand.

"You're not going to—"

"Stop talking!" the woman cries, glaring down at me.

"Be still," the man says in his deep voice.

"What the fuck is happening?!" I yell, trying to wriggle out from the man's steely grip on my upper arm. The woman comes around to the other side of the table and helps the man pin me down to the bed, the wax paper crinkling under me.

Then I feel a sharp pain in my right arm, and everything goes dark.

. . .

My eyelids feel like heavy lead shields over my eyes, and it takes me several tries to finally lift them all the way open. I gaze drowsily up at the ceiling of my dorm room, my entire body feeling stiff and achy. My throat is parched; I roll to my side and take a drink from a full glass of water that's sitting on my bedside table. My phone is sitting next to the glass. I lift it and see that it's 5:05 AM. Wait, what day of the week is it? When do I need to be at class? I check my phone again and see that it's Thursday. Thank God. I can sleep in for another four hours. I must've stayed up really late last night; it feels like a bus hit me or something, considering how exhausted I feel.

I hear a rustling sound come from the other side of the room, and I look over to see my roommate, Ed, rolling over in his bed to face me.

"Hey, mate," he says softly, rubbing his eyes sleepily. "How're you feeling?"

"Exhausted," I reply after letting out a jaw-cracking yawn.

He nods. "Yeah, you had a right go of it yesterday, mate," he says.

I furrow my brow and try to restore my memory of the past 24 hours. "Wait, what happened yesterday again?"

"Wow, you must have been really out of it," Ed mumbles. "You passed out yesterday evening, remember? The police had to bring you in a wheelchair back to the dorm. Let me tell you, it was a right surprise, mate, when I opened the door and there was a police officer standing behind you in a wheelchair." He pauses and laughs under his breath. "You looked drowsy as fuck. Me and the officer had to practically lift you into your bed."

I rub my hand repeatedly over my face, having absolutely no recollection of anything Ed's telling me. "I passed out, you said?"

"Yeah, the officer said you were just walking along on campus and you just keeled over on the ground. Said they had to bring you to the security base to get a wheelchair and some water and stuff. Then they brought you back here. You must have been dehydrated or stressed or some shit like that."

"Mmm," I mumble, sighing loudly. "Well, thanks, mate, for everything."

"No problem," he says. "Glad you're alright. Hey, you should probably call Louis and tell him you're okay. He's probably worried sick about you."

"Louis?" I say. "Why would he be worried about me?"

Ed looks at me weirdly. "Well, I know you guys are pretty close, so I just figured...I mean, I thought you said yesterday you were going to hang out with him, so he's probably wondering what happened to you."

"Oh," I say simply. It takes me a bit to form an image of Louis in my head. I feel like I barely know him.

"Look at your phone," Ed says. "I bet he's already called or texted you a million times since yesterday evening."

I pick up my phone again and notice this time that I do have a lot of missed calls and text messages from Louis. What is this guy's problem?

"I don't know, mate, I just feel like you should let him know you're alright, at least," Ed says from across the room. "It would make him feel better."

I just nod and don't say anything. I don't know, I don't really feel like I care much at all about this guy called Louis. Are we good friends? I don't really seem to remember spending much time with him, so I'm confused why he's being so neurotic about wanting to know if I'm alright. The more time I spend trying to remember anything about Louis, the more and more cloudy my memory gets. In fact, it's almost uncomfortable for me to try to think about him. It's like it takes an unnecessary effort for me to form thoughts about him.

I decide I'm just going to ignore his calls and texts for now. I'll probably block his number later or something.

For now, I just want to sleep.


	25. Chapter 25 (Louis)

"It's like he didn't even know me when I saw him this morning," I say, shaking my head, my voice half-choked up with tears of sadness and frustration.

Niall looks at me from across the table, sorrow reflected in his sea blue eyes. 

"It's just not like him at all," he says in his Irish lilt, shaking his own head.

We're sitting in the cafeteria in the UC, our plates of food barely touched in front of us. The lunch rush hour has already passed; by now only about a third of the tables are occupied by students.

Both Niall and I are dumbfounded by Harry's extremely distant behavior since Wednesday evening, two days ago, when he supposedly fainted on campus and was brought back to his dorm by campus security. Harry's roommate, Ed, was the one who told me what had happened—and I'd also heard many bits and pieces of gossip about the whole incident floating around campus—but Harry hadn't said _anything_ to me about _any_ of it. He never returned any of my calls or texts Wednesday evening after we were supposed to hang out in my room, and for the whole of yesterday, I didn't get so much as a one-word text message from him. Absolutely nothing. 

I hadn't actually seen Harry pass out. I figure it must have happened just before I came down the final flight of stairs in Earth House and made it to the main doors to let Harry into the building. From behind the glass, all I saw was Harry walking away from Earth House with a security officer on either side of him, holding on to his arms. I was so close to running after them, but I'd quelled my impulsivity and stopped myself at the last second, figuring it would only create more problems for the both of us. Still, I was worried sick about him and what kind of punishment he was going to have to face. Then I found out yesterday morning from Ed that he'd passed out, news which brought a certain degree of relief to me, since it hopefully meant that he wouldn't have had to face any consequences for his illegal actions. 

I called and texted him relentlessly with complete radio silence on his end. He wasn't responding to Niall or Liam, either. Ed had at least told me that Harry was alright, so I didn't feel worried about his health. But I was—and still am—angry. 

This morning, I saw him on my way to class. He was walking along the sidewalk near the science building like nothing was amiss, like everything was normal. Like it was just any other Friday. He had on his usual dark blue sweatshirt and black skinny jeans, and his dark hair framed his face in a shower of chocolate curls. My heart had stopped in my chest at sight of him. He was walking toward me, and I was walking toward him. I kept my eyes on him as we neared each other on the sidewalk to see if he would look at me, but he didn't so much as give me a passing glance until I lifted my hand to wave at him.

He had looked up at me in surprise, and I searched his face for, I don't know, some sort of _fucking_ explanation for why he'd ignored all of my calls and texts. Why he'd apparently forgotten, or just didn't care, about my existence. But his expression had been blank. There had been no hint of tenderness in the green depths of his eyes, nor a familiar grin of greeting. He had just slowed down his pace and stared at me in apparent confusion for why I was waving at him like I knew him. It seemed like he was just going to walk past me, so I grabbed the front of his sweatshirt and pulled him off the sidewalk, out of the way of the other students getting to class.

"Um, hey," he'd said uncertainly. "Do I...know you?"

I'd stared at him incredulously for about two seconds before I flipped. "You've got to be fucking kidding me, Harry," I'd said, my voice raised. "What, have you just decided to play dumb, now? You fucking _fainted._ You're acting like you have amnesia or you got a traumatic brain injury or some serious shit like that. Fucking hell, Harry. You couldn't bother to send me even one little text after all the missed calls and texts I've sent you since Wednesday? What is your fucking problem?"

"Oh, you're Louis, aren't you?" he'd said, closing his eyes and nodding to himself like he figured out the answer to a perplexing mystery.

I'd just stared at him, completely bewildered by his behavior.

"Yeah, I blocked you because you were really starting to annoy me with your calls and texts," he'd explained matter-of-factly. "We barely know each other, mate. I'm fine, alright? You don't need to keep trying to get in contact with me. It's a bit creepy to be honest."

My mouth had opened, but no words had come out. To my irritation, my throat had started to tighten, and tears had threatened to form in my eyes. Determined not cry in front of him, I'd swallowed the lump in my throat, blinked back the wetness at the corners of my eyes, and said, "Fuck you." Then I'd walked past him, my heart feeling like shattered glass in my chest.

. . .

Now Niall and I sit in confused, angry silence at our table in the cafeteria, unsure what to think or how to react to everything that's happened within the past 48 hours. We look at each other, and I know we're both thinking the same thing: we need Liam here to be our rock. He's always been the most stable one in our friend group; the rest of us can always count on his constant support in times of emotional instability. Unfortunately, he's in lab right now. Niall and I will have to wait until later to hang out with him.

As if Liam can read our thoughts, Niall and I simultaneously receive a text from him.

_Lads, I've been doing some thinking about all of this. Let's meet in me and Niall's room at 5:00 tonight_

"What kind of thinking has he been doing?" Niall wonders out loud.

I shrug and type out a reply.

_Aren't you in lab Payno? Texting during class, tsk tsk_

_Shut up Tommo,_ Liam replies. 

_We'll see you there,_ Niall texts.

. . .

Later that day, I follow Niall into Earth House, and we make our way toward the Virgo section of the dorm building, where Liam and Niall's room is located. When we arrive at their door, Niall turns the handle and pushes open the wooden door, revealing Liam inside, who's sitting at his desk, his laptop open in front of him.

"Hey, lads," Liam says, turning in his chair to face us as we enter the room. The whitewashed walls are half-covered in different band posters, and the carpeted floor is littered with only a few dirty clothes and food wrappers. Their level of cleanliness is much higher than mine.

"Do you fancy going to the pub tonight?" Liam asks. "The Celtic Tree in particular?"

"Um, yeah, sure," I reply. "A beer sounds great, actually."

Niall nods in agreement. "What was it you were thinking about earlier?" he asks as he sets his backpack down on the floor next to his cluttered desk.

"Well..." Liam starts, rubbing his hand across the back of his head. "You two might want to sit down."

Niall sits down in his desk chair, while I pull out Niall's bean bag chair from under his bed and slide it closer toward the others. After I settle myself in the lumpy piece of furniture, I turn my gaze expectantly toward Liam.

"So what's up, Payno?" I ask.

"As I said, I've been doing some thinking," he starts. "Especially over the past couple of days since Harry's whole... _thing_." He looks at me sympathetically. "I came up with a theory while I was in chemistry class, and I've been kind of obsessed with the idea ever since. And it's a theory that would explain a number of strange things that have happened over the past several months. Niall's hospitalization. Zayn's whole thing with forgetting Gabrielle. Niall—that full week where you were just in a bad mood for no apparent reason. And now Harry seeming to forget or ignore us."

Niall and I sigh in exasperation when Liam pauses dramatically.

"Just get to the theory, mate," Niall urges.

Liam takes a deep breath. "I have no direct proof that my theory is correct, but it does seem to explain all of the weird things that have happened pretty well. My theory is that the city of Ashbourne is testing out the use of a new kind of...drug. A pretty powerful one, I think. One that can be used on Ashbourne citizens to get them to follow the Zodiac rules more strictly."

"What do you mean by that?" I ask.

"The Ashbourne government is always trying to categorize us and separate us more rigidly by our signs, right? There are rules about who we can date and marry. There are recommendations for who we should be friends with, what kinds of jobs we should pursue, what kind of hobbies and interests we should develop...All of that is based on the apparent science of the twelve Zodiac signs. But people are constantly breaking these rules, which is especially apparent through the existence of secret relationships and friendships that are formed between different signs and elements. The government wants all of this to be more controlled. So, I think they've been developing a drug that will essentially perform some sort of mind-control over Ashbourne citizens to create more distinct separation between the different signs."

"Okay...you're starting to lose me, Liam," Niall says, rubbing his hand over his face. "How does this explain me being hospitalized, or Zayn leaving, or Harry acting really strangely lately?"

"I think the government has slowly been introducing the drug into the city and has been testing out different versions of it. At the homecoming dance, I think there were some drinks that had the drug in them." Liam turns to face Niall. "You passed out unconscious at the dance because the drug was too strong for your system to handle. The same thing happened for the other two students who passed out. Many other students at the dance may have ingested the drug, but it apparently had little to no effect on their bodies. If anything, this little "experiment" showed the government that the drug still needed to be developed further so that it wouldn't pose such a serious health risk to certain people. That's why you and the other students were taken to hospital for such a long time—they were performing tests on you to gather information about how the drug could be altered. They don't want it to have such a serious effect on people with a body type similar to yours."

"And the girl who died?" I ask quietly, thinking about her heartbroken close friends and their confrontation with Emily in their desperate search for answers.

Liam pauses. "The drug must have been too strong for her system to handle. There were too many complications from it for her to ever fully recover."

After a few moments of silence, Niall speaks up. "You said this also connects to why I was randomly in a bad mood for like a week. What's the explanation for that?"

"Quite simply, I think you were experiencing some sort of delayed withdrawal symptoms from the drug," Liam answers. "Of course the government would want to develop some sort of drug that is addictive. That way Ashbourne citizens will always remain controlled under the influence of the drug, and they likely won't question or be against its use."

"So how does this all connect to Zayn?" I ask. Saying my roommate's name evokes an unpleasant stinging sensation in my chest.

"That's another thing about the drug," Liam continues. "I think the government wants to use it to make us forget about our lives outside of Ashbourne. They want us to forget what the world is like outside of a Zodiac city. If they can control people in this way, fewer and fewer citizens will want to leave Ashbourne when their two-year residency requirement is up. The more people who stay here, the more people they can control. So for Zayn, I think there must have been some form of the drug in the water that was served at The Celtic Tree, since Zayn said he only drank water that night, no alcohol. And the drug must have taken effect just slightly—just enough for Zayn to forget for a split-second about his girlfriend, who lives outside of Ashbourne."

"Why is the government so focused on controlling all of us?" Niall asks, voicing my own question.

"That I'm not sure about," Liam admits. "I do believe the AZPD are at least somewhat involved in the whole drug development process, and I think it might just be in their blood to want to enforce stricter laws and control people enough into following them. I'm not sure if there's a more specific reason for the government wanting to control us, or if it can all be explained by a simple lust for power. In either case, secretly dispensing a drug into the city's water supply at some point in the near future would be a perfect way for them to achieve the control they want."

After a pause, I clear my throat. "And Harry?"

"Harry..." Liam starts, his brows drawing together. "I just can't believe that nothing happened to him besides fainting. If he even fainted at all." After a momentary pause, he continues. "I wonder if campus police took Harry to the security base and gave him some form of the drug. I think it must be the drug that's making him act so distant around all of us, almost like he doesn't remember us. I think the drug is making him only want to interact with people in Air House. And his relationship with you, Louis...it's against the rules, so he wants no part of it. Under the drug, at least, he wants no part of it."

"So will he eventually stop being a dick when the drug wears off?" I ask, not sure if I'm willing to buy Liam's theory. 

"To my understanding, yes," Liam replies. "Unless the police keep giving him more of it."

"Why did they give it to him in the first place?" Niall asks.

"My guess is that the drug is some sort of punishment for him trying to break into Earth House illegally," Liam says.

"But he didn't even make it to the doors!" I say, my voice raised. "How could they arrest him if he wasn't actually trying to pull the doors open?"

"Did they recognize him and realize he wasn't wearing any dark blue?" Niall suggests. "He was wearing your green sweatshirt, right?"

"Yeah..." I say, thinking. "I suppose you're right. If the police saw Harry's Aquarius tattoo and noticed he wasn't wearing any of his sign's color, then that would be grounds for punishment. It's ridiculous though that they used the drug as his punishment and not just a fine or something."

The three of us sit in silence for a while, the only sound the muffled rumbling of the washing machine down the hall.

"I don't know, Liam," I say finally, shaking my head. "This all sounds a bit far-fetched, to be honest."

"How can we even prove that this drug exists?" Niall asks.

"That's why I suggested we go to the pub tonight," Liam says. "I want to collect a sample of the water they served us there. Zayn only had water that night he forgot about Gabrielle. My plan is to collect a sample of the water tonight, and then on Monday, I'll use some of the equipment in my lab classroom to see if I can find any traces of a drug-like substance in the water. I'll have to do it all in secret, of course, without my professors knowing. But they know I'm a responsible student, so I don't see why they won't allow me a bit of independent study time to do some experimenting of my own."

"I think you're about to risk losing your reputation for responsibility," I remark.


	26. Chapter 26 (Harry)

I'm taking notes in my psychology lecture, about a week after my whole fainting incident, when everything starts to come back to me, like someone's just shaken me awake.

Louis.

I need to let him know I'm alright. He must be worried sick about me. Why haven't I seen him for a while? I don't think I've even been texting him.

Even though I'm in class, I pull out my phone, knowing I won't be able to wait until the end of class to text him. I'm met with surprise and confusion, however, when I can't find Louis's contact. I search through my phone for several desperate minutes, still unsuccessful.

I look up from my phone and screw my eyes shut, trying to remember anything that might have happened between the two of us. My concentration efforts are briefly interrupted by someone tapping me on the shoulder. I open my eyes and turn to my right to see my classmate looking at me, concern in her eyes. She seems to ask me without words, _Are you alright?_

I nod and try to give her a reassuring smile in response. For the remainder of the class period, I keep my eyes forward on the professor and pretend to be paying attention, masking the turmoil going on inside the walls of my brain.

The last thing I remember clearly is walking to Earth House in Louis's green sweatshirt to spend the night with him last Wednesday, and I was watching out for campus police officers on my way there. And then my memory goes blank. That's when I must've fainted.

Throughout the rest of the school day, as I drift between classes and walk from building to building on campus, the apparent fog in my brain lifts more and more, and my memory seems to be restored in its entirety, piece by piece. As the hours pass by, guilt and confusion throw swift punches to my gut, making me feel absolutely terrible. I remember all of Louis's missed calls and texts on my phone, asking me over and over again if I was alright. I remember my encounter with him last week, when I told him I blocked his number and didn't really know him that well. And he rightly told me to fuck off.

Shit, and what about Niall and Liam? I've been completely ignoring all of the lads over the past week, and I'm finally just realizing it. What the fuck was wrong with me?

When I arrive back at my dorm after all of my classes are finished for the day, I flounce onto my bed and stare at the ceiling, my head aching slightly.

Louis has to be completely pissed. And I was so annoyed with him for constantly trying to contact me...I want to hit my head against the cinder block wall of the dorm room, but I muster enough self-control to refrain from doing so.

God fucking damn it. I roll over so my face is buried in my pillow and my vision is shrouded in darkness. Have I completely ruined things between me and Louis? The thing that aggravates me the most is the fact that I've felt like I haven't really been myself at all over the past week. It's felt like someone, or something, else has been in control of my thoughts, dictating my thoughts, feelings, and general behavior. It's like my memory of Louis and all the lads was temporarily wiped or something.

I furrow my brows together, consciously reflecting for the first time on what this past week has been like. It seems like all I've been wanting to do is spend time with other Air House students—like there has been a magnet inside of me pulling me towards them, urging me to get to know them better. For the past week, I've honestly felt like I couldn't have cared less about students from other houses. Why? What the fuck has been wrong with me? It feels like my head has been tampered with, and I'm only just now awakening from a trance.

How in hell am I going to explain any of this to the lads—Louis in particular? I quickly pull out my phone, remembering before I open my contacts that I can't call or text him since I don't have his number. What about Niall or Liam? Did I leave their numbers?

I find Liam's contact and breathe a sigh of relief. Scrolling a little farther down, I find Niall, too. I need to try to patch things up with everyone, and I figure the sooner the better. The possibility of losing the friendships I've built over the course of the semester with the lads—especially my deeper relationship with Louis—is something I can't even begin to fathom.

I debate whether I should call or text Niall or Liam and eventually decide on calling Liam, since I'm pretty certain he doesn't have class at the moment. I sit up in my bed and lean my back against the cool cinder block wall, my heart rate starting to pick up. I'm not even sure exactly what I'm going to say to Liam when I dial his number, place my phone to my ear, and take a deep breath. To my surprise, he picks up on the second ring.

"Hello? Harry?"

"Yeah, Liam, it's me," I start out hesitantly.

"How are you feeling, mate?" he asks.

"I'm feeling alright," I answer, touched by his concern in spite of everything. "Listen, mate...I'm not really sure how to explain what I've been like over the past week...I think I've been really distant with you and the other lads...I'm really, truly sorry." My voice catches in my throat. "I really don't know what to say...I'm so confused and feel horrible..."

"You don't have to apologize, Harry," he says, his voice reassuring and calm, as if he understands perfectly what I'm going through.

"But I feel so bad, and I just want to talk to Louis and Niall...I'm sure they must be pissed..."

"Harry, just listen to me for a sec. I've been doing some thinking over the past few weeks..."

Liam goes on to explain to me a theory he's recently come up with. It's a very complex and potentially far-fetched theory about a so-called drug that he believes is currently being developed and tested for future use in Ashbourne. He explains how the theory connects to my recent fainting episode, Niall's hospitalization, and Zayn's memory loss. Intermittently during his explanation, he pauses to ask me various questions about what I remember from last Wednesday, when I supposedly fainted, and how I've felt over the past week. I tell him that I don't remember much of anything from Wednesday. All I can recall is walking toward Earth House while talking to Louis on the phone; the next thing I remember is waking up in my dorm room, feeling completely exhausted.

Liam seems to find this information both interesting and aggravating—interesting because my side of the story seems to fit his theory; aggravating because there are still a lot of missing pieces to the puzzle surrounding the whole incident. He tells me about his attempt to find solid evidence to prove his theory correct and his failure to do so—apparently his attempt to test the water served at The Celtic Tree was unsuccessful because his water samples mysteriously disappeared from his cubby in the chemistry lab storage room before he was able to perform any real tests on them.

"So someone just stole the samples?" I ask incredulously.

"That's my guess," he answers, sounding irritated. "I don't know how anyone found out about them—I thought I'd been pretty secretive about the whole thing."

"Are you going to try again? To collect more samples, I mean?"

"Since it's the only real way of proving anything, I think I might have to," he says. "I'll have to try to be even more secretive next time."

"What are we going to do if you _do_ prove anything?" I ask, not sure if I'm completely aware of the magnitude of my question. 

There is a long pause. "I'm not sure, to be honest," he replies rather simply.

After another lengthy halt in our conversation, I change the subject a bit.

"Do Niall and Louis think your theory might have some truth to it?" I ask, trying not to be too hopeful that the other lads might be as quick to forgive me as Liam.

There is a slight pause before Liam responds. "I definitely think they believe there's at least _some_ truth in it, but whether or not they agree with the theory as a whole...I'm not sure."

In this same statement, he seems to give me a clue about how well Louis and Niall will take my apology. I'm glad I decided to call Liam first.

"Hey, Liam..." I start, feeling a bit embarrassed. "Would you mind sending me Louis's number? I guess I deleted it..."

I can hear Liam's sigh from the other end, and I cringe upon hearing it. "Yeah, alright, mate. But don't—I repeat, DO NOT—tell Louis I was the one to give his number back to you."

I nod even though he can't see me. "Lips are sealed. Thank you so much, mate."

"And Harry...just as a warning." He stops to clear his throat. "Louis's pretty..."

"Pissed?"

"To put it lightly. Just...just know it might take a while for him to see things from your perspective. You hurt him a lot."

My heart grows heavy in my chest, burdened by a crushing weight of sorrow and guilt.

"I know," I say. "I just...God, I hope I didn't permanently ruin things between us."

"I'm almost positive you haven't done that," Liam says. "Louis cares about you a lot, Harry. It just might take a while for things to get back to the way they were between you two."

. . .

Later, I'm deafened by the rushing of blood through my ears when I finally press send on my first new text message to Louis.

_Louis, I have no words for what I've done to you. I am so sorry. Please let me explain. I didn't mean any of it. I know that doesn't make sense but I swear it's the truth. Please call or text me._

_. . ._

Louis never responds to my text. Or the five voicemails I leave him. Or the eight additional texts I send him. There is complete silence from his end all through the rest of Wednesday and all of Thursday. I can't say I'm surprised—Louis is very stubborn. As the hours tick by with no response, however, I feel myself becoming more and more desperate for _anything_ to indicate he still acknowledges my existence.

When I call Niall and meet up with him in one of the UC lounges on Thursday, he's maybe not quite as quick to forgive as Liam was, but he's understanding enough. We agree to start up guitar lessons again next week.

"I was really starting to miss Barbara's desserts," Niall complains, rubbing his stomach.

"It was only a week, Niall," I say, rolling my eyes. "But I'll make sure to snag some extra large portions for next week."

Niall nods, clearly satisfied with this response. 

I wish food bribery worked with Louis as well as it does with Niall. If only it were that easy.

I can't seem to find Louis anywhere on campus to even try to talk to him in person. It's like he's actively avoiding me, which he might very well be doing. I ask Liam and Niall about him, but they don't seem to want to get involved too much in my quest for Louis's forgiveness. Friday morning, Niall does suggest I come to the Sagittarius Birthday Celebration that evening, hinting that Louis will most likely be going with him and Liam. I thank Niall profusely for this information and spend the rest of the day planning the exact words I'm going to say to Louis when I see him.

When 5:00 rolls around, I leave Air House and make my way to the UC, where the celebration is being held. I pull my coat tightly around me; it's the first week of December, and the bitterness in the air portends the colder winter months to come. The chill only exacerbates the trembling taking place all over my body from nerves. Louis's last words to me were, "Fuck you." I hope tonight isn't a repeat of that previous encounter. 

When I enter the UC building, I shake off the cold and enjoy the warmth coming from the heaters near the doors. Even from here, I can hear the loud music and laughter coming from upstairs, where the large ballroom is located. That'll be where the party's at. As I make my way toward the staircase, I glance around at the other party-goers, trying to spot any of the lads. I don't see any of them until I'm standing near the ballroom entrance, overcome by blaring pop music, excited chatter, and the clinking of silverware against glass dishes. The room is decorated in seemingly hundreds of shades of brown—the tablecloths, floating balloons, streamers, napkins, and drapery along the walls are all sporting different versions of the earthy color, making me feel as if I've stumbled upon an underground city, the vibrant scene illuminated by the warm yellow lights hung from the tall ceiling. 

In spite of the flurry of activity before me, my eyes hone in on Louis almost immediately. He's holding a drink and standing near Niall, Liam, and a girl who's wearing a rather elegant brown dress. Upon looking more closely, I recognize the girl to be Gwen. Of course! Liam wanted to come to tonight's party for Gwen, and Niall and Louis decided to tag along. 

I move toward a nearby table to grab a drink for myself and then pull back suddenly, remembering Liam's theory about the drugged drinks at the homecoming dance. Why does Louis have a drink tonight? Does he not care about Liam's theory? I leave the table empty-handed, deciding I'm not going to take any chances.

When I turn back in Louis's direction, my heart leaps into my throat. From across the room, his piercing blue eyes are already on me. I can't read his expression, but he doesn't move away when he sees me approaching him. That's a good sign, at least. When I glance to Louis's left at Niall and Liam, I see that they've noticed the impending situation, their eyes shifting uncomfortably between me and Louis. Liam turns to say something to Gwen, who's standing at his elbow, and the pair of them move off toward a group of Sagittarius students who've clustered nearby. Niall stands awkwardly by Louis for a bit before appearing to spot someone across the room. 

When the blonde-haired boy moves away, it's just me and Louis. The sounds of the party around us morph into a sort of static background noise, and the frenzied sound of my pounding heart takes precedence. He doesn't move an inch as I close the distance between us, and he doesn't look away, either. Our eyes are locked in an unwavering gaze, and I think I might be able to communicate with him this way, like we've always been able to in the past. But there is something in his eyes now that is impassible, and I know it's no use—that the only way to really talk to him is through spoken words.

"Louis," I start, when I'm standing before him, "I know you don't want to talk to me, but I had to see you. Last week—that wasn't me. Please believe me, I wasn't in my right mind. I don't know what the fuck happened to me, but...but I'm back now. And I miss you. I miss you so much, Lou. And...and I really hope I haven't ruined what we had between us because I would never want to lose that."

His eyelids flicker at these last words, but he doesn't open his mouth to respond. 

"Please, just say something, Louis," I say, my voice starting to crack. "I'm so sorry for ignoring you and for the shitty things I said. I know I hurt you. I'm just...so confused, Lou. And scared that things are done between us."

For a few brief seconds, I look into the sea blue depths of his eyes, trying to discern what he's thinking. Without really putting much conscious thought into it, I lift my hand and move to touch his arm. He shifts his body away from my hand like I'm going to shock him. I look at him, the pain in my heart having increased tenfold.

He finally opens his mouth to speak.

"I'm sorry, Harry," he says. "I just...can't."

Then he breaks our gaze, and he walks away from me.


	27. Chapter 27 (Louis)

A week has passed since the Sagittarius Birthday Celebration, and I still haven't made amends with Harry. I haven't returned any of his calls, texted him back, or given him more than a passing glance when we've seen each other on campus. He's been pleading for me to give him any indication that I might eventually forgive him, or that I might still have feelings for him, but I've refused to give him any such thing.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so goddamn stubborn, and this is one of those times. Some days I wake up, determined to finally forgive Harry and patch things up between us, and then by the afternoon I've decided against it, because I'll recall the horrible, crushing sadness he's made me feel ever since that Wednesday when he didn't make it to the Earth House doors.

Other days I feel such a raging anger—from Harry, from Zayn being gone, from the awkwardness between Emily and I—that I want to skip class and spend the whole day out on the football pitch, kicking the ball as hard as I can, over and over, into the goal to try to let off a little steam.

There are many nights when I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling in my half-empty room, feeling the tears grow hot in my eyes and eventually fall down my cheeks to form wet patches on my pillow.

Despite the chaotic mixture of emotions that Harry's whole situation has managed to brew up inside of me, there's one thing that's remained constant since the start of it all: the simple fact that I miss him endlessly. I can't focus in class or when I'm trying to study, because he's always on my mind.

On a Saturday morning in mid-December, 17 days after Harry's apparent fainting episode and 9 days before finals week, I decide it's no use; I've been living without my other half for far too long, and I've decided that I've been stubborn for long enough.

Despite the cold weather, I decide I'd still like to walk to the bakery instead of taking a taxi, just to get some fresh air in my lungs. I pull on a heavy green coat and exit Earth House, nervous about how Harry will react to my sudden decision to talk to him again. He gave up on calling and texting me several days ago, and he's learned not to expect a response from me when seeing me on campus. Has he given up on me? Is he mad at me, thinking I've been too stubborn and childish about the whole thing? If he does think that, he's probably right. I haven't even had the patience to fully listen to his side of the story.

Campus is fairly deserted at this time of the morning; because of the cold, I figure most students are doing the responsible thing and staying inside this weekend to study for their rapidly approaching end-of-the-semester presentations, projects, and final exams. I should be doing the same thing, but I haven't been able to focus on any of my schoolwork because of Harry anyway, so there'd be little point in trying to be productive this weekend.

The walk to The Golden Cherry is cold but refreshing, and I breathe in the wintry air in gulps, trying to calm my nerves. Each time I exhale, my breath comes out in hazy tendrils of steam, and can't help but think offhandedly that it looks like I'm smoking a cigarette. Every thing that's happened with Harry, Zayn, and Emily over the past month or so has made me consider smoking again; I smoked a little over the past summer holiday with some friends from Doncaster. I was so close to buying a pack of cigarettes the past week, but I held back, remembering my mum's admonishing gaze when she had smelled the smoke in my clothes. If my attempt to apologize to Harry for my distant behavior fails today, I don't think I'll be able to resist buying some cigarettes at the small convenience shop on the way back to campus from the bakery.

My heart threatens to leap out of my chest when I reach the glass windows of the bakery and spot Harry inside at the front counter, giving change to a customer with a friendly smile on his face. I haven't seen his smile in a while; the sight makes my knees weaken a bit. I take a deep breath before I push open the door of the bakery, immediately noting the large amount of customers who are milling about inside the place. The interior is alive with casual chatter and the delectable smells of brewing coffee and baking bread.

Looking toward the counter, I see that Harry hasn't noticed me yet, as he's busy helping the long queue of customers that's formed in front of the counter. I see Gwen working alongside Harry, the two of them maneuvering quickly around each other to get orders, pour warm beverages, and place pastries from the front display case into white paper bags or onto glass plates. It's not until I'm second in line that he notices me, his eyes widening in surprise. He freezes for a few seconds before Gwen nudges him from his trance, urging him to help the customer before me. He tears his eyes away from me and shakes his head slightly before smiling politely at the tall, middle-aged man standing in front of me. I wait patiently while Harry helps the man, trying to come up with what I'm going to say to him because I hadn't actually considered planning that out before arriving here. Classic me.

When the man moves away with his muffin and tea in hand, I take a step toward the counter and look up into the green eyes that I haven't directly looked into since the Sagittarius Birthday Celebration. He doesn't say anything; he's waiting for me to say something first.

"Hi," I say uncertainly. "Um...do you have time to talk?"

"It's pretty busy right now," he replies rather shortly.

I wait for him to say something more, but he doesn't.

"Oh, okay," I say. "Well, I guess I'll just try to catch you later, then..."

I turn to walk away from the counter when I feel a hand on my arm.

"Wait."

I lift my brow slightly in question when I turn to look back at him.

"Just wait, like, twenty minutes," he says. "Then it should die down a bit."

I nod. "Okay," I say, giving him a small smile.

"Tea?" he asks.

"Please."

When he hands me the steaming cup, I pay him for it and then find a small, vacant table near the window. I sit in silence, just observing the activity around me and sipping my tea, grateful to be inside out of the cold.

Eventually, the queue of people at the counter dwindles down to just one or two customers, and my heart lifts when I see Harry using the lull in business to take the opportunity to go in the back, take off his apron, and make his way across the bakery towards me. He hasn't seemed very happy to see me so far, which I'm disappointed and saddened by, but I suppose it's to be expected considering my refusal to talk to him for so long.

He sits down in the chair opposite me, and our eyes meet again, trying to read each other's thoughts. I can't seem to discern what's going on inside his head, so I take a deep breath and start my apology, trying not to let his dark curls and sharp jaw distract me more than they already have been.

"Look, Harry," I start. "I'm sorry for not wanting to talk to you for so long. I've been so stubborn, and you hurt me so bad, that I just...I guess I just didn't think I could ever forgive you, so there was no point in listening to you trying to explain what happened." I pause to try to calm my shaking breath. "But I'm ready to listen, now. To your side of the story. Because I think Liam's theory might be right, or at least partially right. I don't think you were you for that week, and I'm trying my hardest to understand that, but it's still so hard to wrap my head around it all..."

Harry has shifted his gaze down to his hands in his lap. Then he suddenly looks up at me and clears his throat.

"So what made you change your mind and decide to come here to see me?"

"Shit, Harry," I say. "Maybe I miss you."

Something changes in the green depths of his eyes. The way he's looking at me reminds me of the way he looked at me the night of the secret party, when we were in the back garden. I feel a flicker of warmth stir in my groin.

Without warning, Harry stands up from the table and gestures for me to stand up, too.

"Follow me," he says, and he waves for me to walk behind him toward the front counter, where Gwen is still working. I look at him questioningly but don't say anything.

He leads me to the swinging doors behind the counter, and we pass through into the back kitchen, where I'd cooked the chicken parma ham meal for him all those weeks ago. Barbara is at one of the metal counters, kneading a mountain of dough with flour-dusted hands.

She looks up from her work, and her expression turns to one of complete surprise as her eyes shift from me to Harry.

"Harry, what...?" She wipes the back of her hand across her glistening forehead, leaving a speck of flour there.

"Barbara, please, I'll pick up extra shifts, I'll stay late, I'll do whatever you want," he says, his words rushed. "Please just let me go out the back door with Louis for a couple minutes. Please." His eyes are pleading.

I'm confused by what's going on. He wants to take me outside, behind the building?

Barbara just stares at Harry for several moments, looking slightly exasperated. Then she sighs and nods.

"Yes, yes, alright," she says, waving her hand at us and looking back down at the dough on the counter. "Just make sure no one sees you."

"I love you, Barbara," Harry says.

The old woman chuckles and her cheeks turn slightly pink. I swear, Harry can get anyone to blush in his presence.

Then Harry takes my hand and leads me towards the back of the kitchen, where there is a door leading outside. He pushes it open, and the cold December air hits us like a bucket of frigid water. I wrap my coat more tightly around me.

I don't get the chance to ask him why in hell he's made me leave the heated interior of the bakery, because his lips have crashed onto mine as soon as the door closes behind us. I fall against him, and we draw each other in, using our combined body heat to warm us. Our lips caress each other softly at first and then more firmly as we're reminded of the intimacy we've been deprived of for weeks.

After a while, we just embrace and let our racing hearts slow against each other. I press my chin into his shoulder and pray that we'll never let each other go again.


	28. Chapter 28 (Harry)

Finals week is rough, not because of the exams themselves but because I don't get to spend nearly as much time with Louis as I'd like.

That is, we do get to spend a lot of time together—our study sessions each day in the library often drag on into the wee hours of the morning—but we're both desperate to share time together in more...intimate ways. With the colder weather, it's not as pleasant to have a secret make out session in the woods behind Earth House, though we still do it because we're not sure what else to do, and in our desperation for each other, we don't have the patience to come up with a different well-thought-out plan to avoid being caught by security.

We decide it's probably for the best not to tempt fate again by trying to break into each other's dorm buildings, because a repeat of my incident with campus police is the last thing either of us want. We also decide that when finals week is done, and when we're on winter holiday, we're going to explore Ashbourne a bit more and hopefully discover some safe places in the city we can go that might substitute our hidden spot in the woods on campus.

On the night before our last day of finals—and our last day of the semester—Louis, Niall, Liam, and I are seated at one of the tables on the main floor of the library, each of us staring at our class material as if intense eye contact will ensure the imprinting of the information inside our heads, ready for access at the time of our exams tomorrow. As the number of students inside the building dwindles with each passing hour, and the night outside the windows grows darker, our ability to focus decreases exponentially. When one of us stifles a yawn, the rest of us yawn in turn.

"I can't fucking do any more, lads," Louis says, lifting his arms above his head and stretching luxuriously. "My brain has been filled to its maximum capacity."

"That's not saying much, then," Niall remarks, which gets him a swift jab in the side from the Capricorn boy. "Liam, mate, how're you doing?" he asks, slightly breathless, his hand pressed to the site of injury.

"I have to agree with Tommo on this one," Liam sighs, lifting his head from his massive chemistry textbook and rubbing his eyes.

"Maybe we should call it a night, then," I say, blinking sleepily. I close the French textbook in front of me and lay my head on top of it like it's a pillow.

The rest of the lads nod in agreement and begin the process of stowing away their belongings in their backpacks. The sounds of books shutting, papers shuffling, and zippers zipping reverberates off the bookshelves stationed around the nearly empty library. There are a couple security officers standing near the main doors of the library, keeping a tired but resolute watch of us and the few other students left.

Niall's phone dings softly when we're all just finishing packing our things. He pulls out his phone and looks at the screen, his eyes moving back and forth in apparent interest. When he finishes reading, he looks up at us.

"Hey, lads," he says very quietly, glancing over at the security officers quickly before returning his gaze to us. "One of my mates just told me there's going to be a secret party next Tuesday night, on Christmas Eve, at some house in the country."

Louis's eyes meet mine, our looks conveying excitement and then worried uncertainty.

"It's not the mansion from last time," Niall says, noting me and Louis's expressions. Niall looks back at his phone. "Apparently it's some new place that's never hosted a secret party before. I don't know, it sounds like a lot of fun."

"Is there someone you have in mind you'd want to go with, Neil?" Louis asks, his smile quirked to one side.

Niall's chooses to blatantly ignore Louis's cheeky inquiry, turning his slightly reddened face to Liam.

"Payno's got to go with Gwen," he states, looking meaningfully at his roommate. "No question about it. You need to go on a proper date with her. A proper night out."

"Have you all forgotten what just happened at the secret party Louis and Harry went to a couple months ago?" Liam asks quietly, looking at us incredulously.

An icy shiver runs down my back when I think back to that night and how close we were to being caught. Louis looks similarly uncomfortable at Liam's mention of that night. I want to reach under the table and grab his hand, but I decide I better not risk it.

"And who knows what the punishment will be if we're all caught?" Liam continues. "It could be something similar to what Harry had to go through recently." He closes his eyes and sighs. "I still haven't been able to get a single _fucking_ sample of water tested in the lab. Someone keeps stealing them before I can fully test them. There's something fishy about all of it. Like someone is trying to prevent me from finding out the truth." He pauses again and continues more calmly. "All I'm saying is, I don't want to get caught up in any sort of drug stuff if things at the party don't go as planned."

Niall, Louis, and I stay silent for a bit, letting our friend's words sink in.

"I don't think I can resist the temptation, though," Louis mumbles suddenly, breaking the silence. I look up at him, and his blue eyes are already gazing at me softly. "It's my fucking birthday that night, and I want to go, no matter the risk."

I stare at Louis, feeling a large grin grow slowly on my face. "If that's what you want on your birthday, Lou, then of course I'm going," I say softly.

We gaze at each other for several moments, and I can tell he's craving physical touch between us as much as I am. We settle for our knees touching under the table.

"I'm going," Niall says definitively, "because what's life without a little risk?"

We all turn our eyes on Liam, waiting for his response.

"Even if I were to go, I don't even know if Gwen would want to go with me," he murmurs.

"C'mon, Liam," I say. "I know for a fact she would love to go with you. Whenever I ask her about you at the bakery, she won't stop talking about you. Seriously, mate. She likes you."

Liam smiles to himself, looking down at his hands shyly. "Well, I'll _think_ about it, then.

"Lighten up a little, Payno," Louis says, grabbing Liam's shoulder. "We've got to live a little while we're young."

. . .

At the conclusion of the last day of final exams, the mood on campus shifts dramatically. After weeks of stress, a much-needed sense of tranquility descends on AZU like a cozy blanket, sheltering its students in warmth. Since it's required for students to remain on campus during the winter holiday, there is no flurry of activity associated with temporary move-out that is characteristic of most other universities at the end of the semester, just before Christmas. All AZU students stay comfortably inside their dorms, relieved that classes are out for a month and that Christmas is fast approaching.

On the Monday before Christmas Eve, I stay late after work to bake Louis his birthday cake in the back kitchen. Barbara is gracious enough to lend me the space, even after me and Louis's previous unsolicited use of the space when Louis cooked the chicken meal for me.

Barbara gives me a hug good-bye before she leaves me alone in the bakery for the night.

"Don't burn the place down," she calls cheerily as she pushes open the door and waddles out into the cold winter night.

After I give her one last wave, my phone buzzes in pocket. I pull it out and see that Louis's texted me.

_Can I come to the bakery ? Please ?? Even if it's just to watch you bake ?_

I roll my eyes. I told him I was staying late at work tonight to bake him a cake for his birthday tomorrow. The whole thing was supposed to be a surprise, but these days it's hard to keep anything a secret between us when we spend almost every moment of every day together in the UC or going around to shops in town.

I feel bad about inviting Louis over without Barbara knowing, but I figure there can't be any harm in it. There might actually be a greater chance of the building being set on fire if Louis is here, though, so I'll do my best to make sure he doesn't try to help me with the baking or anything.

 _A_ _lright alright. Are you walking?_

_Yep, be there in a bit_

_Okay be careful, see you_ _soon_

I spend the next twenty minutes or so going over Barbara's carrot cake recipe in her enormous recipe book, moving about the kitchen to preheat one of the ovens and then gather the ingredients and supplies I'll need. I'm just reaching for several measuring cups in a large drawer when I hear a distant knocking.

I push open the swinging doors and spot Louis standing just outside the front door, looking cold. He grins when he sees me and shuffles his feet while he waits for me to unlock the door. Right when I pull back the glass door, he nearly knocks me over from the impact of his body slamming against mine. As his arms wrap around me, I breathe him in and pull him tightly to me.

"Missed me that much, huh?" I mumble into the fabric of his coat. I shut the door behind him so the cold doesn't seep into the warm air of the bakery.

"Don't get too cocky," he murmurs, his face turned to rest against my shoulder. "I really just wanted to see if I could snag a spare pastry or something, seeing as it's my birthday tomorrow..."

I push him away playfully. "So me baking a full ass cake for you isn't enough, is it?"

"Shush, Harry, you know I'm only joking."

He moves toward me to plant a kiss on my lips, but I hold him back before he does so, shaking my head.

"Not in front of the windows," I say, glancing out into the darkness. "Someone could see us."

"What if I don't care who sees us? Public displays of affection aren't illegal, are they?" He places his hand on my chest and grabs the fabric of my shirt, pulling me to him.

"Are you drunk or something?" I ask, smirking at him, just now noticing the smell of alcohol on his breath.

"I may or may not have had a couple pints with Niall earlier," he says, laughing a bit harder than necessary. "It's fucking Christmas soon! And my birthday! And classes are over! Why would I not celebrate?"

I shake my head at him. "Jesus, Lou. So you were just stumbling out in the streets in the dark to get here." I sigh when he just laughs harder at my admonishing glare. "C'mon, let's go to the back," I say, grabbing his hand to lead him toward the swinging doors. "And don't you dare touch anything. I have everything nicely set up—"

Louis breaks free of my grasp and rushes through the doors, laughing like a mad man.

"Oh lord," I say, following after him and pressing my hand to my forehead. "He's like a three-year-old when he's drunk."

I spend the next couple hours trying my best to follow Barbara's recipe while simultaneously managing Louis's toddler-like behaviors and near incessant need to press his lips to mine. I don't mind these intimate gestures in the least until he manages to knock over an entire open bag of flour onto the floor as he's going in for a quick kiss. I groan while he laughs hysterically at the mess.

It isn't until the little cuckoo clock in the back kitchen strikes twelve that we finally make it out of the bakery, Louis's carrot cake stowed safely away in the refrigerator and everything cleaned up as best as I could.

Louis is so sleepy by this point that I'm practically holding him up as we stand inside the door, waiting for the taxi I ordered to arrive. I figure it's best not to walk at this time of night through the cold back to campus with Louis in the condition he is.

The taxi arrives a few minutes later, pulling over to the side of the narrow street. I help Louis get inside first and then climb in myself, immediately noting the faint smell of smoke inside the cab.

"AZU campus, please," I say to the driver, a middle-aged man with kind eyes and a bushy beard.

"Right-o," he says, tipping his hat and giving us a smile in the rear-view mirror.

On the drive to campus, Louis, in his drowsiness, starts to lean against me in the backseat, letting his head rest heavily on my shoulder. I look up toward the driver cautiously, trying to gauge his reaction to this. To my relief, the man just gives me a sort of understanding smile in the mirror and nods. I suppose it's his way of letting me know he doesn't care that Louis and I are incompatible and acting this way. For the remainder of the short drive back, I stare out the window into the night, listening to the Christmas music playing softly from the radio and enjoying the feeling of Louis's warm weight against me, anchoring me down in our cozy intimacy.

"Happy birthday," I whisper into his hair.

. . .

The next day, Niall, Liam, Louis, and I all meet outside of Air House to walk to the bakery together for Louis's small birthday celebration. The weather has graciously warmed a bit for the day, so our walk isn't met with too much bitterness.

Niall, Liam, and I are each carrying our gifts for the birthday boy in our arms, despite Louis's insistence that he didn't ask for presents and won't accept them.

"Stop being such a stubborn ass," Niall says as we reach the street on which The Golden Cherry is located. "Clearly we all wanted to get you gifts anyway, so stop your griping."

I hold my gift box out in front of me for everyone to see. "Wrapped it myself! It even has a little bow on it," I say proudly.

"Thanks, babe," Louis says, smiling tenderly at me.

" _Babe_ ," Niall mimics, protecting his side before I can jab him. He laughs. "No seriously, I'm glad you two made up with each other and things are back to normal."

"You two are so cute together," Liam adds, making Louis and I blush a bit.

When our party eventually reaches the front door of the bakery, everyone waits while I pull out the spare key that Barbara gave me from my coat pocket and insert it into the lock. A sign taped against the inside of the door reads, "Sorry, We're Closed for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day! Happy Holidays!"

"Barbara must really trust you, Harry," Niall remarks as we enter the empty bakery. "I feel like we're breaking in or something."

"Did she know we were all coming here today?" Liam asks.

"Yeah," I reply. "She actually suggested the idea originally, that we celebrate Louis's birthday here, since the place was going to be closed for the holidays anyway."

"Barbara is actually a legend," Niall says, and the rest of us agree with him whole-heartedly.

I pull out some plates and napkins and then go to the back to pull out Louis's cake from the fridge. What a goddamn masterpiece, if I do say so myself.

The lads seem to agree when I set the cake on the table in front of them. Their eyes light up, clearly impressed with the perfectly smoothed cream cheese frosting and the green cursive lettering on the top of the cake, spelling out the words "Happy Birthday Louis." Louis pretends like he's never seen the cake before and stares at it in complete amazement, and I'm amused by this—but then I realize he might not actually be acting, since he was so drunk last night and probably doesn't remember much.

"Harry, thank you!" he says, getting up from his seat and wrapping his arms around me.

"I hope it tastes as good as it looks," Niall says, eyeing the mound of cake hungrily.

"That's what she said," Liam remarks, catching us all off-guard and making us laugh.

"Inappropriate, Payno," Louis says. "And on my birthday, too." He shakes his head in mock reproval.

After I stick twenty-one candles into the top of the cake and light them, Niall, Liam, and I sing "Happy Birthday," laughing a bit at Louis's awkward face while he waits for us to finish the song. It takes him two tries to blow out all the candles, after which we all clap and then begin the process of dishing out large slices of cake to everyone.

"Mmm...it tastes perfect, Harry," Louis says after he takes several large bites. I smile up at him from my plate, the corners of my mouth turning up even more when I notice some frosting on his upper lip.

"Presents time!" Niall announces suddenly like a little kid when he's finished off his cake.

"Alright, alright," Louis says, shoving the last bit of orange dessert into his mouth. He takes Niall's gift bag into his hands and moves aside the tissue paper to peer inside.

"Aww, mate...a new football bag?" He lifts a black and grey bag out of the gift bag and grins from ear to ear. "You didn't have to..."

"I wanted to, you idiot," Niall says. "Figured it's time you parted ways with the raggedy-ass bag you've got now."

"Thanks, mate," Louis says, getting up to hug the Irish boy. "Seriously, it's fucking great."

Louis's smile only seems to get larger when he opens Liam's present. There are two t-shirts in the box—one is an Arctic Monkeys shirt, the other is an Oasis one.

"Payno, these are fucking cool as hell! Can't wait to wear them." Liam grins when Louis embraces him.

"I was going to get you another laundry basket or something like that, considering the state of your bedroom, but—" he shrugs his shoulders "—I figured you might like this better."

"Mate, we all know I'm a hopeless case when it comes to cleanliness."

When it comes time for Louis to open my present, I feel an unexpected flutter of nerves rush through me. I hope he likes it. I feel like it's not as cool as Niall or Liam's gifts.

Louis carefully tears the wrapping paper from the box, making sure to set the bow aside so he doesn't accidentally rip it. He then lifts the flaps of the cardboard box, revealing a dark blue winter coat inside.

He looks up at me, his mouth slightly open.

"So we can be two Aquariuses in public," I explain unnecessarily. "You know, I figured you could maybe wear it on campus, or when we go out in town someti—"

I don't get a chance to finish, because Louis's lips have connected with mine. I feel a rush of warmth bathe my insides, and I close my eyes briefly in pleasure.


	29. Chapter 29 (Louis)

After things are sufficiently cleaned up at the bakery, and my birthday gifts are safely stowed away in the back kitchen for me and Harry to pick up later, the four of us lads wait for the taxi to arrive that will take us to the secret party. We let Niall call the taxi, seeing as he seems to know the inside scoop about who specifically to call—drivers that have been paid extra to take people around town to this secret party and not say a word about it.

When the black cab arrives, the four of us pile inside and sit in relative silence for the duration of the trip, not sure how much we should say in the presence of the driver but still feeling an internal sense of excitement building quickly as the cab races through the night. Niall and Liam are going to meet their dates at the party, I guess, while my own date is sitting just an inch to my left.

I turn to smile at him, and he crinkles his eyes in return. I can see an eagerness there in the green depths, impatient for us to get there already. I move my leg to the left and press it up against his warm thigh in reassurance. Then we both turn to look out the windows again, curious about the location of the house hosting this party. Once again, we head out of the main part of the city and enter the outskirts of Ashbourne, out in the countryside, as we did when I was driving Zayn's car to the secret party in October, with Harry in the passenger seat. That seems like ages ago.

After about 20 minutes, the taxi pulls us into a paved driveway that runs a short distance to a medium-sized house, surrounded by large trees, trimmed bushes, and a well-kept lawn. There are some cars lining the sides of the street, but not too many so as not to attract too much unwanted attention. Party guests have been encouraged to travel by taxi to get here, according to Niall, which seems like a good idea until I consider the possibility of the police arriving suddenly and no one being able to make a quick getaway. Almost everyone would be caught.

This thought makes the taste in my mouth turn sour, but I swallow and take a deep breath, determined to enjoy the rest of my birthday.

When the four of us step out of the taxi, we're immediately surrounded by the loud, merry sounds of Christmas music and laughter coming from the house's interior. The windows shine with a golden glow, bathing us outside in the warm hue as we make our way to the front doors after paying the taxi driver. Harry and I don't hesitate to grab each other's hands as we walk across the pavement, along the brick path, and up the stone steps to the front door.

The foyer just inside the door is crowded with guests who, like us, have just arrived. The atmosphere is rather hot and stuffy, but we don't mind as our rosy cheeks and noses thaw from the frigid December air outside. Niall cranes his neck to look around the crowd of guests, searching for his date. Eventually, he spots her—a girl with dark brown hair and a kind smile wearing a Libra blue dress.

Harry and I watch in interest and amusement as the two meet in the middle of the crowd and give each other a rather shy, awkward greeting. Apparently this is their first real night out together. The pair soon head off together toward a section of the house from which the loud Christmas music seems to be emanating, which I'd just been thinking about heading towards with Harry.

"Is Gwen here yet?" I hear Harry ask Liam behind us.

Liam shakes his head, looking down at his phone while he's jostled around by the surrounding guests.

"No, she's on her way," he replies. "I think I'll just wait here by the doors 'til she gets here. You two have fun." He waves us away, insisting that we don't hang back with him to keep him company.

"Alright, mate, we'll see you later," I say over the buzz of the crowd.

I grab Harry's hand more tightly and lead him further inside the house, which seems to be quite a bit smaller than the mansion where the other secret party had taken place but which only serves to make the atmosphere more welcoming and cozy, especially with the inviting smells of peppermint and gingersnaps floating through the air and the abundance of Christmas decorations adorning the walls and furniture.

I lead us in the direction of the loud music, wondering who lives in this house and why they were willing to risk organizing a secret party in their home even after the huge bust at the mansion earlier this fall. Apparently the owners of the mansion are serving jail time right now for their crimes. Why would anyone in their right mind risk that? And why would I decide it was a good idea to come here? Didn't I learn anything from my last experience at one of these parties?

"You alright, Lou?" Harry asks me, his brow slightly furrowed in concern. "You look...I don't know, really worried or something."

Looking behind me and taking in Harry's perfect—and quite frankly, beautiful—features, I'm reminded of my reason for coming here tonight. It's him. How could I possibly pass up a night where I'd be able to act around Harry how I've always wanted to act around him—like an actual boyfriend, free to express my feelings as I choose without fear of judgement? No, this was too tempting an opportunity to miss, especially on my birthday.

Harry and I make a pit stop in the kitchen and dining room area to grab some Christmas sweets and spiked punch. Plates of different kinds of cookies are spread out in a magnificent display on the granite countertops, as well as platters of meat, cheese, crackers, and fresh fruit. The scene is magical, and so is the first bite of sugar cookie that melts on my tongue. I silently bless the person or persons who seemed to have captured what heaven looks and tastes like here at this party. Harry and I struggle to stuff our faces in a way that is appropriately delicate enough—we don't want to look like complete pigs to the other guests.

Eventually, when the kitchen becomes too crowded for comfort, Harry and I weave through the guests toward the back of the house, where the Christmas music is playing from. We soon reach a large room that is filled with dancing couples, swaying to the merry Christmas tunes playing from an old-fashioned record player in a corner of the open space. The room, which I assume normally serves as the living room of the house, has been completely cleared of furniture, and along the upper portion of the walls are strung colored lights, exuding a soft, warm light over the makeshift dance floor below.

Harry tightens his grip on my hand, and I turn to face him, noting the breathtaking beauty of how the colored lights are reflected in his green eyes. He grins at me, dimples and all, and pulls me to him. Judy Garland's voice drifts across the room for her rendition of "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas," and Harry and I sway together, holding each other like we'll never let go, letting our gazes soften under the dim, reddish lighting. Two by two, the bodies around us become one as other incompatible couples bask in this temporary safe haven, enjoying the sadly unfamiliar freedom to love who _they_ choose, not the government.

Harry is several inches taller than me, so it's the perfect height for me to comfortably rest my head against his broad shoulder. When I press my torso against his, I'm slightly startled but thoroughly pleased to find that he's hard. The fact that he's aroused makes me aroused, too, and I feel myself begin to swell and throb against him.

He jerks just slightly upon feeling this, and I pull my head from his shoulder to look at him as we continue swaying to the music. His gaze is soft, and neither of us is smiling. My pulse begins to pick up, and my body temperature rises notably within a matter of seconds. I wonder if there is an empty room upstairs...

No, we'd better not do that here, in this unfamiliar house with loads of people here. Somewhere more private would be ideal...

Harry seems to read my thoughts without me saying anything. He pulls me to him and positions his mouth near my left ear.

"We could get a hotel room," he whispers, making me shiver slightly.

I'm about to nod when I realize with a sharp pang that his proposition is virtually impossible.

"We can't," I say softly, pulling back again to look him in the eyes. "They won't give one room to two people who have incompatible signs."

"What if we each get a room and then we both just sleep in one of the rooms?"

I shake my head. "I've stayed in a hotel in Ashbourne before. There are security cameras in the hallways to keep track of which guests go into which rooms."

Harry groans softly. "You've got to be fucking kidding me."

Our freedoms in this house have made us temporarily forget about our limitations anywhere else in the city. Living in Ashbourne means giving up a lot of your privacy, it seems. I have to keep reminding myself why I decided to live in this city in the first place: because I'd be able to go to university for free. I'm obviously grateful I did decide to go to AZU, because otherwise I wouldn't have met the boy I'm currently dancing with. But sometimes...this godforsaken city just _gets_ to me, and there's nothing I wish more than to be free again outside of its borders, back home in Doncaster.

After a rather long silence between us, I offer the idea that's been present in my mind all night.

"Would you be willing to try to sneak into Earth House again," I ask, "even after last time?"

There's a pause before he responds, but his answer is certain enough.

"Yes." I feel him throb against me.

"Do you want to get outta here?" I ask before leaning forward to kiss him on the lips, not caring about the guests around us. We haven't even been at this party that long, but I don't think either of us can wait much longer for what we both want to do.

When he nods, we grab each other's hands and go in search of Liam and Niall to let them know we're leaving early. We're not surprised to find the latter of the two in the kitchen area with his date, holding a plate full of cookies and snack foods and laughing loudly at something someone's just said.

Harry and I push through the crowded area and let Niall know we're planning to leave.

"So soon?" He looks at us in surprise.

"Yeah," I say, shrugging my shoulders and then smiling up at Harry.

"Alright, I'll catch you two later then," Niall says. "Happy birthday again, Louis!"

"Thanks, Niall. Enjoy the rest of the night!"

We find Liam and Gwen sitting close to each other in a quieter part of the house, enjoying the warmth from a large stone fireplace in a smaller family room. We tell Liam of our plans to head out, to which he just smiles and tells us to be safe and have a good night. He barely lifts his head to tell us this, apparently not wanting to take his eyes off of Gwen for more than a couple seconds.

Harry and I eventually make our way out of the lively house and approach one of the taxis that's parked out on the street outside, waiting to bring guests back home. We climb inside the cab and sit next to each other on the cushioned bench seat so that our thighs are pressed together.

The drive to AZU is calm, but it's filled with a certain degree of impatience as well. I just want to be in my dorm room already, alone with Harry...

My phone buzzes in my pocket. When I pull it out, the white light from the screen illuminates the dark interior of the cab, and I have to squint my eyes to read the notification.

My heart lifts. It's a text from Zayn. The two of us have barely texted since he left Ashbourne.

_Happy birthday mate. Hope your day was a good one, miss you like crazy!_

An unexpected film of moisture forms on my eyes, and I smile up at Harry, showing him the text. He grins, too, and rubs his hand back and forth on the top of my leg, his own eyes becoming a bit misty.

. . .

I sneak Harry into Earth House without any problems, which we're simultaneously surprised by and immensely grateful for. There don't seem to be as many security officers around tonight; it must be because it's Christmas Eve.

I lead Harry through my dorm building for his second time and stop when we reach my door in the Capricorn section. I unlock the door and push it open to reveal my room inside, which must look terribly messy to him but actually looks completely normal to me. Harry closes the door behind us. I hear the lock click.

"Sorry about the mess, I didn't—"

Harry doesn't allow me to finish my sentence. His strong arms come around me and pull me firmly against him, our tongues encircling each other inside our open mouths. Through the darkness, he pushes me backward toward Zayn's bed, and we climb on top of it so that Harry is on top of me, moving his mouth from my lips to my chin to the hollow of my neck, his breath hot.

My own breath comes more heavily now as I run my hands down his back and buttocks, feeling that we're both swollen and pulsating against each other through our clothing. We help each other tear our clothes off, not stopping until we're completely naked, reveling in the feeling our warm, bare flesh making direct contact at last.

My entire being fills with heat when I feel Harry take me in his hand, making slow, up-and-down movements. I thrust up toward him and moan in pleasure, searching with my hand for his own throbbing cock. When I find it, I begin to stroke him rhythmically, and he lets out a loud sigh on top of me, his body shuddering a bit.

"I love you, Lou," he whispers, his breath tickling my ear.

I move under him and shift our bodies so that I'm the one on top now, and I stroke him even harder, making him close his eyes and breathe shakily through his nose.

"And I love you, Harry." Our mouths meet, and we bask in our warm, slippery wetness, completely absorbed by each other.

He shudders under me. "Fuck, Lou, I want you inside me." His voice is deep and husky.

"Are you sure?" I ask, breathless.

"Yes."

We shift on the bed so that I can get him ready with my fingers, my cock twitching with eagerness be inside Harry.

Just when I've finished prepping him, there is a loud knock on the door that makes my heart jump into my throat.

Harry and I freeze, lapsing into complete silence for several moments.

"Who could that be?" Harry asks quietly, looking over at the door.

"I don't fucking care," I say, decisively resuming our intimate actions.

There is a knock again, this time more forceful.

"Campus security!" a male voice calls from the hallway.

My heart turns to ice in my chest, and fear rushes through me like a jolt of electricity.

Wordlessly, soundlessly, I pad across the room to the door and peer through the eye hole.

My heart stops.

"Shit," I say. "It's my dad."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To all my dear readers,
> 
> Thank you so so much for reading this far! I hope you've enjoyed it. Unfortunately this chapter will be the last one I'll upload in a while. I have to go back to college in a week, so I won't have much time to write, which is very sad :/ I've had so much fun writing this over the past few months. This story is only halfway done, so I'm planning to add more chapters this winter when I have off from school again. Anyway, thanks again for reading, and I wish the best of luck to you all in whatever is going on in your lives! Much love xx
> 
> K


	30. Chapter 30 (Harry)

My eyes have fully adjusted to the darkness by now, so I'm able to observe Louis's rigid figure from across the room. What I see only serves to frighten me even further.

He stands there with unblinking eyes, staring at the single stream of golden light emitting from the eye hole, his naked body inches from the wooden surface of the door. His arms are held awkwardly at his sides and his posture is unnatural, like he's lost all sense of feeling in his torso and limbs. The only movement I detect is the subtle clenching of his jaw muscles, which accentuates the sharpness of his facial profile.

My bare feet touch the carpet from my sitting position on Zayn’s old mattress, and I stand up quietly, searching for my clothes that I’d just minutes ago flung across the room. I whisper over to Louis in an attempt to free him from his stupor.

“You didn’t tell me your dad was—”

“Harry, hide.”

He’s staring at me now, and the glazed look in his eyes has cleared so that I can see the panic that’s spinning inside them.

I scan the room with my eyes hopelessly and shake my head. “There’s nowhere—"

The violent banging on the door starts up again, seemingly even louder than before, piercing the silence like a freshly-sharpened dagger. A loud, booming voice accompanies the pounding.

“Louis, OPEN UP THIS DOOR NOW! And don’t even _try_ hiding him, because I know exactly who you’ve got in there with you.”

Louis and I look at each other, and we’re simultaneously hit with the same, gut-wrenching realization: our time is up. We have no other options. This time, we’re really going to be caught.

Louis clears his throat and shifts his gaze down to meet the ground. “One minute, and then I’ll open the door,” he calls, his hoarse voice burdened by defeat.

A grunt of assent comes from the other side of the door.

With great difficulty, I try to dress myself quickly with shaking hands. It doesn’t help that I’m also having a hard time breathing; the terror of it all is suffocating me. Louis’s entire body seems to tremble next to mine as he pulls on his trousers and brings his green sweatshirt over his head. Once we’re fully clothed, we don’t hesitate to pull each other into a strong, tight embrace, and together we find one last breath that’s not shaky or strained, but instead long and even.

“Whatever happens,” I say gently into his ear, “I’ll never stop loving you, Lou.”

He pulls back, and his eyes are bright with tears. I can tell he wants to say something, but he’s unable to collect himself enough to reply verbally. Instead, he kisses me thoroughly.

Then he turns to face the door and walks to it slowly, his steps forced. I hold my breath as he unlocks the door, grasps the handle, and pulls the door open to reveal a rectangle of blinding brightness coming from the fluorescent lights in the hallway. I squint my eyes temporarily against the sudden brightness and then peer around Louis to see a figure in a dark grey uniform standing just outside the door.

The officer’s posture is impeccable, allowing him to appear taller than he actually is. Beneath the crisply-ironed AZPD uniform, he seems very lean and muscular, and he holds his head rigidly in place, his gaze coming to focus directly on Louis, who stands before him. I notice a gun stashed in the heavy black belt that rests around his waist. Stitched across his right breast pocket are the words, T. Alloway.

So this is Louis’s dad. I’m still very confused about all of this. Is Louis just as confused as I am? Did Louis know his dad was an AZPD officer? I remember suddenly that Louis had been meaning to tell me something about his dad the day I’d planned to sneak into Earth House—the day I’d fainted and presumably been given the drug that had made me forget about my friendships and, most importantly, my relationship with Louis. Had Louis been meaning to tell me then that his dad worked for the AZPD?

An unexpected smile forms on Alloway’s face as he continues to look at Louis. “Happy birthday, son,” he says, his voice deep and clear-cut. “Actually—" he adds, pausing to look down at his watch, “I suppose it’s past midnight now. Happy _belated_ birthday, I should say.” He seems highly amused by this and laughs softly. Considering the seriousness of the situation and the harsh way in which he’d pounded his fist upon the door just moments ago, his sudden casual, offhand manner makes some particles of anger stir deep within me.

Louis doesn’t respond in any way to his father’s greeting. From my position a few feet behind Louis, I notice the way his shock of unruly hair is silhouetted against the light from the hallway. His head doesn’t move an inch.

Then Alloway shifts his gaze away from Louis, and he leans slightly sideways to peer further inside the room. The moment his eyes land on me, I feel an icy chill run through my veins.

A fresh grin appears on Alloway’s face, this one even more unpleasant than the last. “Ah! So there he is—the famous Mr. Harry Styles himself!” Out in the hallway, he glances to his left and right and gives a barely perceptible nod in both directions. His gaze returns to me. “What a pleasure,” he adds, bowing slightly.

Just then, two additional AZPD officers rush into the room from either side of the door frame and barrel past Louis to seize me roughly by both arms. As a reflex, I start to struggle against their grip, but then reality hits me and I realize there’s no chance for escape. They pull me across the darkened room and out into the brightness of the hallway, next to Alloway, who’s standing with his hands clasped behind his back, clearly satisfied by the proceedings. One of the officers holds my arms to my sides while the other unhooks a pair of handcuffs from his belt and clamps them around my wrists that are held behind my back. Louis has stepped out into the hallway with the rest of us by this point, and after several seconds pass, he looks confusedly between me and his father.

“Why don’t you have me arrested, too?” he asks Alloway, his voice strained.

Alloway shakes his head and chuckles, the sound bouncing off the cinder block walls of the hallway. “Oh, Louis,” he says. “I’ve got something even better planned for you.”

My heart stops in my chest, and Louis turns to look at me in complete panic.

From behind Louis, I see Alloway give another nod to the two officers at my sides, and, like robots, their grips tighten and they steer me in the direction of the stairwell that’s located just down the hall. As we begin making our way across the Capricorn green carpet, I don’t resist until I hear Louis pleading to his father behind me.

“No, no, please don’t take him!” Louis begs. He sounds breathless. “Take me instead! Please! PLEASE!”

I fight against the force of the two officers’ strength so I can turn my head to look behind me for only a second. “Lou, I’ll be alright! Don’t—”

The officer on my left punches me swiftly in the side. “Shut up!” he roars, as I double over in pain.

I hear the sound of running footsteps behind me and catch a glimpse of Louis starting to sprint in my direction. Just then, two more officers appear from around the corners at the other end of the hallway and bolt past Alloway to seize Louis before he can make it to me. My heart writhes in pain when I hear Louis cry out from behind me as his body is slammed up against the wall.

“Please take me, too,” I hear him say, his voice smaller now. “Where are you taking him? Take me with him. Please.”

These are the last words I hear Louis utter. The officers push me forcefully towards the stairwell and then shove me down the winding staircase. It takes a great deal of effort for me to continue moving my legs, considering the level of shock that’s seemed to completely freeze up my chest and limbs. A blanket of numbness descends over me as we continue our descent down the stairs—numbness that is both physical and emotional. I barely notice when another fresh-faced AZPD officer passes our group as he makes his way up the stairs. I know if I start thinking about all of the possibilities of what they might do to Louis, I will collapse into an inconsolable heap of tears and anguish, so I effortfully block any thoughts of Louis from my mind and allow the officers to take me where they will.

Eventually, we exit the building and our breaths suddenly become visible in the cold winter night. I’m randomly struck by the fact that it’s Christmas morning.

The officers lead me along the campus sidewalk, past The Courtyard and the library, to the car park near Air House, where several AZPD vehicles are stationed. I am pushed towards one of the vehicles that is already running, its exhaust dissipating into the frigid air around the car. One of the officers pulls open the door to the back seat and the other shoves me down inside. There are another two officers already seated in the driver’s and passenger’s seats, both of them observing me stoically as I attempt to settle myself, my hands still restrained by the handcuffs. Where are they going to take me? Are they taking me to jail?

The officer who had shoved me inside the vehicle climbs in to sit beside me in the backseat and then pulls the door shut behind him.

“Have all preparations been made?” he asks, his gaze shifting between the two other officers.

The officer in the passenger seat nods. “Yes, I’m ready whenever you are,” she says matter-of-factly. The gleam of something in her hand catches my eye, and I strain to see what she’s holding. Then she lifts the object up so that I have a clear view of it. It’s a syringe.

Suddenly, it all comes back to me. I hadn’t fainted that day, back in November, when I’d tried to sneak into Earth House. I’d been arrested and taken to the campus security base, where I was injected with something—probably some version of the drug—in that room that had looked like it belonged in a clinic. The syringe I see now looks identical to the one I’d seen a month ago moments before I’d blacked out. Moments before I’d been robbed of my true self and stripped of my identity.

My heart pounds in my ears as I watch the officer with the syringe open her car door, get out of the passenger seat, and make her way around the vehicle to the door I’m seated closest to.

“Please, no,” I beg, shaking my head as the officer seated next to me pins me against the back of the seat. “Not again, please.”

The car door next to me opens, and I’m hit with an icy chill that sends instant shivers down my spine and makes my teeth chatter. The syringe comes into view, and I strain away from it, panic overtaking me.

“Please, no! PLEASE! Not that again, I can’t do that again. Do anything else you want with me—”

“Roll up his sleeve,” the officer with the syringe orders, clearly impatient. The officer seated next to me reaches over to grasp the fabric of my sweatshirt to do so, but I struggle so violently against him in a last-ditch effort at escaping my fate that the officer is obliged to administer another swift jab to my side to make me double over in pain. He then succeeds in pushing up the sleeve enough to expose my upper arm to the cold air and the incoming needle.

“Please, don’t—”

I feel a sharp sting in my arm, and then I’m swallowed up by the darkness.

. . .

The sound of a faint buzzing noise coming from the fluorescent lights above me rouses me from a deep, dreamless sleep. I rise groggily from the mattress I’ve apparently been sleeping on and rub my eyes tiredly.

I open my eyes and a jolt of pain slashes through my head when I glance up at the intense bright lights on the ceiling. I shut my eyelids quickly to ease the throbbing headache. After a moment passes, I open my eyes again, slowly this time, and blink in confusion at my surroundings. Where am I?

Fighting back panic, I take time to process the new situation in which I’ve found myself. I am in a small, windowless room. Three of the room’s four sides appear to be whitewashed cinderblock walls, and the fourth is defined by a stretch of vertical metal bars, each of them separated by a few inches. The room is furnished only with the cot I am seated on, a simple wooden table and chair, and a stainless steel contraption in the corner that appears to function as a toilet with a sink above it.

How long have I been here? I think back to the last thing I remember. I was in the back of the police car in the car park, and I’d been injected with something. After that I must have blacked out, because I don’t remember where the police had driven me. Considering my surroundings, though, I feel it’s pretty safe for me to deduce that I’m inside the Ashbourne jail. I’m still wearing the clothes I had been wearing in the police car, but my handcuffs have been removed. My phone is, of course, gone.

I look through the metal bars of my cell and see that there is a white-tiled hallway just outside my room. Across the hallway is another cell of the same proportions and furnishings as mine, which appears to be occupied by another boy about my age. He’s also sitting on his cot with his back against the wall, but he’s not looking across the hallway at me; he’s staring forward at the wall opposite him, his hands resting in his lap. If I crane my neck, I am just able to observe that there are additional cells on either side of the boy’s cell, but I am unable to catch a glimpse of their occupants at the moment. Everywhere, the lighting is white, harsh, and devoid of warmth.

The whole situation is made more eerie by the fact that there is almost complete silence in the place. Every few moments, I detect the slight rustling of what I assume to be other inmates readjusting their position on their cots, but otherwise, I feel uneasy by the pervading sense of stillness in the facility. I don’t see any security guards, but my field of vision is quite limited.

A million unanswered questions start to circulate aimlessly in my head as I sit in silence on my cot, and I feel a rising panic gradually building in my chest. I figure I might as well try to get the most elemental of my questions answered right now.

I focus my gaze on the brown-haired boy in the cell across the hallway and start to wave my arm a bit to get his attention.

When he doesn’t turn his head, I whisper, “Hey!”

This time the boy does turn his head, and his eyes land on me, his face completely expressionless. I’m frightened by the lack of emotion in his lifeless eyes, but I shake this thought from my head and take advantage of his attention on me.

“Where are we?” I ask quietly, feeling stupid that I have to ask such a basic question.

The boy doesn’t respond in the slightest to my inquiry. He just keeps staring at me with his glazed over eyes. Unsettled by this, I decide to try again.

“Sorry for bothering you, I just wanted to know—”

“Hey, newbie, SHUT it!” a deep male voice bellows from down the hall. My stomach drops as I hear heavy footfalls making their way closer to my cell.

In the next second, a broad-shouldered armed guard steps into view, and his threatening stare makes my blood run cold. His piercing eyes meet mine, and I quickly look down submissively, unsure of how I should be acting now that I’m a prisoner.

The guard continues looking down at me for several moments and then coughs harshly into his shoulder. “Well,” he says, glancing down at my clothes, “Now that you’re up, I suppose we should have you get changed.” He’s about to turn away from my cell when he pauses and glances back at me with a smirk. “And something certainly needs to be done about that hair.”


	31. Chapter 31 (Louis)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, lovely people :)  
> Thank you for your continued interest in this story and your patience in waiting for me to sit my butt down and write. This chapter is a long one, but I hope it's an entertaining one, too! Sending you all love xx

“After you,” my father says, bowing slightly and gesturing for me to enter the room first with an aggravating smile on his face.

The officers standing behind me step forward a few inches, clearly signaling to me that I should obey their boss’s orders, _or else._ Or else what? There are a thousand nasty things I want to spew at my pathetic excuse for a father now that I’m in his presence, but I somehow manage to bite my tongue. For now. I turn left to go through the doorway without so much as a glance at him.

My father’s office is spacious and richly furnished with an ornate mahogany desk, several comfortable-looking leather chairs, and a stone fireplace framed by wooden bookshelves in the corner. Large, tall windows line the far wall of the office, behind the desk, which provide an attractive view of a park located adjacent to the police department building. Although the night is dark, a good many trees are decorated with Christmas lights in the park, and their colorful, cheery glow is visible to me as I step farther inside the office and take stock of my surroundings.

Of all the possibilities I’d considered in my head regarding my dad’s whereabouts over the past few months, I’d never once speculated that my father might be the head of the police department in Ashbourne. Back in September, when he’d sent the photos to my mum—the ones that had depicted me playing in my first football match of the season—I’d come to terms with the fact that my dad might be living somewhere inside Ashbourne, but I’d quickly pushed him from my thoughts, completely uninterested in allowing him to re-enter my life in any capacity. Later, in November, when he’d sent another photo to my mum—the one showing the outside of The Golden Cherry—I’d become worried that Harry might somehow be involved in the whole mess. I’d never told Harry that I thought my dad might be living inside Ashbourne, though I’d been meaning to tell him. If only I’d known that my father worked for the AZPD, Harry and I would have been more careful, taken more precautions…

I shake myself from my thoughts. Instead of thinking about things that could’ve happened differently in the past, I need to focus on the present, because it’s the only way I’m going to be able to navigate through this mess of a reality I’ve found myself in. Now that my father’s brought me to his fancy, lavish office, I’m ready for some answers.

Getting any information I can about Harry is my first priority.

After my father gently closes the office door, leaving the two of us in the room alone, he gestures for me to sit in a leather chair near his desk. I lower myself reluctantly onto the cool, plush surface.

I clear my throat and look him directly in the eyes for the first time since the whole incident in the dorm building, which took place about thirty minutes ago. “Where did they take him?”

My father strolls across the room towards his desk in a casual manner, not acknowledging my question in the slightest. When he sinks down into his desk chair with a loud, tired-sounding sigh, he reaches down to pull open a wooden drawer near his feet. From the drawer he produces a half-empty bottle of whiskey and two crystal tumblers, which he sets on the surface of the desk. He doesn’t look up at me until he’s poured an equal amount of the amber liquid into both glasses and has raised his drink towards me in a toast.

I don’t let my piercing gaze stray from his ice blue eyes and make no move to join him in his toast. When he perceives that I have no intention of acknowledging the tumbler sitting before me, he raises his eyebrows and tilts his head to the side, as if to say, _Suit yourself, but you’re missing out._

He clinks his glass with an imaginary one in the air between us and declares, “Here’s to a very, merry Christmas!” He promptly swallows a large gulp of the whiskey and then sets the glass down on his desk heavily. His eyes shift to a green-colored tin that’s sat near the corner of his desk. He picks up the tin and removes the metal lid to reveal a dozen or so gingersnaps stored inside.

“Want one?” he asks, fishing one out for himself.

I shake my head. Inwardly, I’m fucking fuming by this point, but I’m determined to keep my cool in front of him. I’m not going to let him feel like he’s winning, or that he’s cracked me, by any means.

As my father places the tin back and takes a crumbling bite of the cookie, I take a deep, silent breath and strive to regain my composure.

I repeat my question from before. “Where did they take Harry?”

To my surprise, he actually acknowledges my inquiry this time. “Harry?” He picks up his tumbler, drains the amber liquid, and smashes it down on the desk so there is a loud bang that echoes across the room. “Oh, don’t worry about him. I’ll take you to see him soon enough.” He finishes off his gingersnap and leans back in his chair. “Let’s wait a week or two first though, shall we? We’ve got to give him time to get settled in where he’s at…that’s only fair, don’t you think?”

“What the fuck does that mean?” So much for regaining my composure.

He looks up at me quickly at these words, and I notice a spark of something flare up in his eyes that is just as quickly extinguished.

He chuckles softly. “Now, son. That’s no way to speak to your father.”

“You’re not my father,” I say quietly yet decisively.

He leans forward, snatches the drink he’d poured for me, and throws his head back to down the entire glass. When he finishes, he wipes his hand across his mouth. “Your mum turned you against me.”

“Don’t you _fucking_ bring my mum into any of this,” I hiss through my teeth.

“She was my wife. I can talk about her all I want,” he says matter-of-factly. “And anyway,” he adds, reaching for something in his pocket, “I already _did_ bring her into all of this, didn’t I?”

His phone appears in his hand, and he searches for something on the screen. It doesn’t take him long to find what he’s looking for.

“That was quite a match you had back in September,” he remarks, holding his phone up so that the screen is now facing me. Within the little rectangle of pixelated light are the pictures of me playing on the AZU football pitch. “I had a good spot in the stands so I thought I’d get a few good pictures and send them to your mum. I know she would’ve been there if she could’ve come.” He pauses to clear his throat, and a smile starts to creep onto his face, one that he appears to try to hide but fails miserably at doing so.

“Plus,” he adds, “I thought it might give her cause to think about me after all these years of not talking. Especially if she knew I might be living inside Ashbourne with our son. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to get her attention. And—” he pauses rather dramatically to brush some crumbs off the desk’s surface with his hand— “it worked. She called and texted me relentlessly for several days, asking where I was, why I was sending pictures of you, etcetera, etcetera. As much as I wanted to respond, I liked being in a kind of…position of control, you might say. After all these years, she was _depending_ on me for something, and she actually _wanted_ me to talk to her…I’d forgotten what that was like.” He sighs and smiles listlessly to himself.

My blood rages in my veins, boiling and sizzling. “You manipulative fucking bastard,” I spit at him, rising slightly from my seat. “You left us to fend for ourselves because of your fucking drink, and now, after all these years, you expect my mum to want you back, like she’s going to realize she needed you all along, or some bullshit like that? Haven’t you done _enough_?”

“I see you’ve got your mum’s temper, eh?” he responds coolly. “I don’t expect you to understand my side of the story.” He takes his eyes from me and glances toward the door, where a thin rectangle of glass allows him to make eye contact with one of the officers outside in the hallway. I realize then that if I were to threaten him physically in any way, he’s got a whole team of police officers ready to come through the door at any moment to restrain me.

I reluctantly sink back down into the leather chair, my whole body tense, seething and incredulous. My father seems to enjoy watching me try to control my anger, an amused expression plastered on his face.

“And what about the other picture, then?” I ask, nodding at his phone, determined to get some more answers from him despite the emotional repercussions. “The other one you sent my mum?”

The corners of his mouth turn up at my question. “The picture of the bakery, you mean?”

I nod, not sure if I’m prepared for his answer, especially if he confirms that Harry was somehow involved in his convoluted web of manipulative plans.

He stands up from his chair and turns to stand before the wall of windows, looking out over the snow-covered park that is strung with a blaze of lights, his hands clasped behind his back. It must be nearly two o’clock in the morning by now.

“That was your third warning,” he says, his tone solemn. He continues looking out over the trees, his back to me.

I’m startled by his words. My third “warning?” What in God’s name does that mean? What were the other two warnings?

He turns around to look at me then, his expression serious.

“I figured you’d be smart enough to connect the dots and realize that I knew something about you and Harry when your mum got the picture of the bakery. That was my way of warning you to break things off with Harry before you might regret it.” He walks back towards his desk and then places his hands on the wooden surface, leaning towards me. “But there were two other things that happened before I sent that picture that should have made you reconsider your decision to willfully break the law.”

The words coming from his mouth form a cluttered heap of agitated thoughts in my brain. So he’s known about my secret relationship with Harry for at least a month. This fact alone is enough to send me into an irreversible state of panic, but the other things that my father said are saving me from that dark abyss. It’s the ‘warnings’ thing that is confusing the hell out of me. What the fuck is he talking about? I collect myself enough to ask one of the many questions that have floated to the surface of my mind.

“If you were trying to warn _me_ , why didn’t you just send the picture to _me_ instead of to my mum?”

“Well,” he replies, shrugging his shoulders, “I figured I couldn’t miss out on another opportunity to get some of your mum’s attention again, so…I sent it off to her. I knew she’d tell you about it, so I didn’t have to worry about you not seeing it.”

“You sick piece of shit,” I say, shaking my head and looking down at my legs. I run my hand through my hair—a habit that I’ve acquired from Harry—and take a deep breath to calm down and gather my thoughts. In my peripheral vision, I observe my father lowering himself into his chair and reaching for the drawer near his feet again.

“Okay,” I say, watching him pour himself another drink, “the other two ‘warnings.’ What were they?”

My father shakes his head and laughs softly, bringing the tumbler to his lips. After he swallows, he looks at me. “You really couldn’t take a hint, Louis, could you? If you’d been smarter, you wouldn’t be sitting here with me, right now. Harry wouldn’t have been arrested.”

He lifts his arms wide and gestures to the room around us, smiling. “But you’re here now, so I might as well spell everything out for you! Apparently that’s the only way I’m going to get anything through that thick skull of yours.”

I don’t flinch in the slightest at his insult. I think of countless murderous things I could hurl back at him, but I keep my mouth shut for the time being. I’m bloody impatient for this explanation of his.

“The first warning was accidental, actually,” he starts. “I hadn’t even planned for it to happen. Emily asked you to go with her family to the AZPD dinner back in October, and you agreed. I was there that night, in the city admin. building. I had a perfect view of you from my table on the other side of the room.” He chuckles and takes a swig of whiskey. “You looked quite out of your element, I must say. And by the end of the night, you looked scared shitless. I thought, he’s definitely going to break things off with Harry, now that he’s heard how strict the laws are being upheld in Ashbourne and what the consequences might be for him if he were to break them. It was quite the spectacle in the library later that week when you broke things off with Harry.” He looks up then and observes the bewildered expression that must be written across my features. “The police see everything, Louis. Especially when I tell them to keep a careful eye on my son and to report back to me with any news of interest.

“Anyway, Harry seemed quite heartbroken by your outburst. I was proud of you; I thought, that was it! You’d broken up, and I didn’t need to involve myself any further to make sure you followed the rules.” He pauses to drain his glass. “But then you made up, not even a week later. Not even a week, and you were already back in your illegal relationship with the first-year Aquarius boy.

“That’s when I knew I needed to take action—to scare you shitless again, just like the AZPD dinner had. You probably thought it was odd that the secret party you went to with Harry was that one that got busted, right? Especially when all of the parties that had been held at that mansion in the past had never been caught by the police before? Well, when I learned that you and Harry were planning to go to that party, I figured it was the perfect opportunity for me to…help you _reconsider_ your relationship with Harry.”

He gets up from his seat again, and this time he starts to walk back and forth across the worn carpeting of the room behind his desk. “The operation worked perfectly,” he continues. “I sent the police so that you and Harry had just enough time to escape—but we still got some arrests out of it. Most importantly, we got the owners of the mansion. They’re serving their time now.”

He continues pacing across the room, his face starting to glow now from the alcohol and his increasing excitement.

“So that was your second warning, and I thought, now he’s going to break up with Harry for good. He doesn’t want to risk his tuition-free schooling, and he’ll see that it’s better for everyone involved that they part ways.” A sharp laugh escapes his mouth. “But _nothing happened._ You continued on as before, apparently willing to risk everything for this boy. I was about to give up on you, to call it quits and order my subordinates to arrest you, as much as it hurt me to do that to my own son. Then an idea struck me.”

He sits down again, his features flushed, and folds his hands on the desk before him. “I thought, why not _let_ him develop his relationship further with Harry? I was going to have you arrested at some point anyway, so I thought it might sting a little more if you were to be forcibly separated and arrested later down the road, when your feelings for each other would be even stronger, even deeper.” He leans back in his chair and stretches his arms behind his head. “Plus, I figured it would be the perfect way for me to illustrate to you how I felt when your mum permanently shut me out of her life—and your life—after I left. I thought that, if Harry were taken away from you, you’d have to go through the same personal torture of anger, guilt, longing, and depression, just like I had experienced with your mum.”

He takes a breath and continues. “I gave you two about a month to get closer, to really ‘kindle the flame’ of your relationship, as it were. That picture of The Golden Cherry that I sent to your mum—that was me giving you one last chance to break things off with Harry. My third and final warning to you that you would regret your decision to continue engaging in illegal activity if you didn’t change anything.” He lifts his arms in the air. “Surprise, surprise. Once again, you didn’t take the hint. So, the following week, when Harry tried to sneak into Earth House, I had several officers ready and waiting, hidden along the side of the building, to arrest Harry as soon as he was close enough to the doors. And bingo! We had Harry arrested and…” He pauses and seems to struggle with his wording. “Shall we say…‘dealt with?’ We plopped him back in his dorm room, and voilà! He was a model Ashbourne citizen. He forgot about his illegal relationship, he ignored his friends that weren’t in Air House…” He stops and looks at me, grinning from ear to ear. “And poor Louis was heartbroken. And angry. And depressed and confused and all the things that I was when Julia stopped loving me. It was nice to see you having to endure the same thing. A rift came between you and Harry, but…” He clears his throat, and his expression changes to one of frustration. “I was mistaken in thinking that rift would be permanent.”

Despite the complete numbness that has taken over my being by this point, I recover enough mental presence to get out, “The drug wasn’t strong enough, huh?”

For the first time since I’ve met my father, he looks up at me in genuine shock. His eyelids flicker within moments, however, to stop his incredulous stare from lasting too long. He readjusts himself in his chair, visibly uncomfortable at having been removed briefly from his position of authority in the room.

Reinvigorated by this observation, I add, “You weren’t expecting that, were you?”

He looks up at me, his previously carefree guise now nonexistent. “What do you know about what was done to Harry back in November?”

“I have a theory,” I say, enjoying my newfound sense of power over him. “And if you think I’m going to tell you anything more about it, then you are sorely mistaken.”

I feel rather than see the rage building in my father across the desk from me. He rubs his increasingly bloodshot eyes with his hands and then exhales loudly.

“Unfortunately for you, Mr. Tomlinson, I haven’t finished telling your story. Or Harry’s.” Satisfied by my freshly insecure reaction to these words, he continues more confidently. “I’m not sure why I was shocked that you and Harry made up even after he forgot about you for a week and you called it quits on the relationship for another two weeks. You two have always seemed to find a way back to each other, regardless of the warnings I’ve sent your way.”

“I don’t understand,” I interject, unable to keep myself from asking the question that’s been prickling me throughout my father’s whole explanation. “If you knew that Harry and I were in a relationship the entire time—from the beginning—why didn’t you have us arrested months ago? Why did you give me multiple chances to break things off with Harry?”

“Call it love, call it looking out for one’s offspring, call it generosity…you can be the judge of that, Louis.” He pushes the two empty tumblers to the side of his desk, near the tin containing the gingersnaps. “I always told my subordinates to leave you and Harry alone, no matter how illegal your actions were. I wanted the pleasure of seeing you separated and arrested myself. And what do you know? My Christmas wish came true. I thought it was rather nice of me to wait until after you had your fun at that little Christmas Eve party and to have you arrested in the privacy of your own home. And I thought it only fair to let you enjoy your birthday for the full day. Too bad you didn’t leave that party a little sooner, eh?” He winks at me. “You might have enjoyed a little more ‘fun time’ with Harry before I came knocking on your door—"

“Shut the FUCK up,” I seethe, nearly shouting. “You really expect me to acknowledge you as my father after telling me all of this…this psychopathic shit?”

He tilts his head to the side and smiles to himself. “Your mother’s temper, like I said.” He pauses. “I expect nothing of the sort, Louis,” he replies. “I’ve given up on that long ago. All I want now is for you to feel the way I felt when—”

“When my mum shut you out, yeah. You said that already.”

“I’d be careful with that attitude. It’s not going to do you any favors with me.”

I lean back in my chair, feeling delirious from exhaustion and the influx of information I’ve been bombarded with tonight. Rubbing my eyes, I’m struck by a worried thought. Was the secret party busted after Harry and I left? Are Liam and Niall alright? Reflexively, I reach for my phone in my pocket. My father notices this movement.

“I’m guessing you’re about to text one of three people,” he says, observing me like a predator about to pounce on its prey.

“Go on, read my mind, then,” I say, trying to maintain my façade of fearlessness.

“I don’t think you’d be stupid enough to text Harry at this point,” he says, “considering that he’s just been arrested, but, then again, you continue to surprise me with how thick you can be, Louis, so I’m not ruling it out.

“Maybe you’re about to text one of your friends that lingered at the secret party tonight after you and Harry left, to check to see if they’re alright. Well, I can assure you that they haven’t been touched, nor anyone else at that party. I knew I’d have enough excitement with you tonight that the idea of busting a secret party was the last thing on my mind.” He flicks a speck of something off his desk. “So that leaves the third option: your mum. Maybe you want to tell her everything I’ve just told you. Maybe you want to enlighten her with your little ‘theories.’ Maybe you think you can weasel your way out of this situation you’ve found yourself in and save Harry while you’re at it. Think again. Even if you were to entertain the idea that there might be corruption existent within the walls of this beautiful city, and you thought you could bring it all down by telling others outside Ashbourne, think again! Where’s your proof? If you had any, do you think I would give it any credence? If the head of the police department invalidates your evidence, how far do you think you’re going to get?”

He pauses to catch his breath, his face flushed with excitement once more. “So tell your mum all you want about your accusations, your theories, your ‘unfair treatment’ by the police…she’s not going to get very far with any of that. In fact, I would almost advise you to keep all of this from her, to not risk getting her involved…because you have as good idea as any about the things I might do to her if she were to get in the way of my career.”

I sit in silence, my muscles aching from prolonged tension. I’m so fatigued and overwhelmed by my father’s speech that all I can say in response is, “So what are you going to do with me?”

“Oh, I’ll have one of the officers outside the door drive you back to your dorm,” he says matter-of-factly.

I stare at him. “You’re not going to send me to jail or something?”

“Oh, no, Louis! Don’t you remember? I said I have better things planned for you.” He sits up in his chair, stretches luxuriously, and lets out a jaw-cracking yawn. “Man, am I beat. I think it’s time to say farewell for the time being, what do you think? Let’s plan to meet again in two weeks’ time.”

He stands up from his seat and signals to one of the officers in the hallway to come inside. “Jones will take you home.”

Jones enters the office and nods at his boss reverently. “Come with me,” he commands, looking across the room at me. I stand up tiredly from my chair, and for a second I’m afraid I’m going to faint as the blood rushes from my head. I steady myself with the edge of the desk and then focus my gaze on my father.

“You never answered my first question,” I say.

“And what was that?”

“Where did they take Harry?”

He smiles as he pushes his chair up against the desk. “Like I said, don’t worry about him. He’s getting settled in to his new home. Tell you what, I’ll take you to see him the next time we meet, alright? Two weeks from now. In the meantime, have a merry Christmas and a happy new year!”

Knowing that this is his cue for me to leave, I turn to walk toward the office doorway, where Jones is waiting.

It takes a great deal of effort for me to lift my feet for each step of the journey to the outside of the police department building, where an AZPD vehicle is waiting to take me back to campus. On the ride home, the only thing my overworked brain can think to do is to text Liam.

_You were right about the drug theory._


	32. Chapter 32 (Harry)

I don’t know how long I’ve been here. This fact should be scary in itself, but it isn’t this thought that worries me.

It’s instead the fact that I don’t really care to know.

In truth, there are a lot of things I don’t seem to care about anymore. The effort of caring or thinking too deeply about anything makes my brain hurt, and my vision starts to go blurry. When I was first locked up in this cell, I think I _did_ care about a lot of things, but that was…a week ago? A month ago? Or only yesterday?

Now, I have found comfort in the numbness. I have grown fond of my apathy for anything occurring outside the walls of this prison, because, as they say, ignorance is bliss. One of the few things that awakens me from my mindless slumber is the scraping sound of my meal tray being pushed across the ground through a metal slot in the door of my cell. During my imprisonment thus far, my appetite has been less than exemplary, but whenever my food appears, a rush of adrenaline propels me off my creaky cot, because I know for certain that the pill will be sitting in its little blue paper cup on the plastic tray.

The pill is the only coherent thing I’ve been able to think about since I’ve been here. It is like a beacon of light in the swirling sea I’ve found myself in—it remains constant, even when my mental or emotional state is anything but. Between meal times, my empty hours are filled with anticipation for the next time I’m going to feel the pill’s light weight on my tongue. I have no idea what the pill is for, and I have no desire to find out. I don’t care. All I know is that I want it—I _need_ it—to get me through my solitude. I like to think that the pill is the only thing keeping me sane in this place.

Maybe I can say that the routine is keeping me sane as well. Although there are no clocks visible to me, my internal clock is a fairly reliable source for determining the time. The guards shut off the hallway lights at the same time every night, engulfing the place in startling darkness, and they turn them back on at the same time every morning, blinding me with a fluorescent intensity. The prisoners are given three meals a day, four hours apart. The guards change shifts five times a day, which is when the murmuring of voices can be heard from down the hall, where the guards’ office is located. And each prisoner is individually released from his or her cell once a day to be taken to the laboratory, called the Testing Room, for thirty minutes. My time to be taken to the lab is scheduled just before lunch, when the second meal tray is delivered, and right after the boy in the cell across from me completes his own thirty-minute lab session.

Right now, I am seated on my thin mattress with my head resting on the cool cinderblock wall behind me, waiting for the guard to appear to take the boy to the lab. The metal bedframe creaks slightly when I settle myself into a cross-legged position and rest my hands in my lap. Turning my head to look through the metal bars, my eyes land on the boy, who is sitting on his own cot just as I am. I still don’t know his name.

Intuitively, I sense that the boy is minutes away from being released. As I wait, rosy-colored visions of the pill circulate my thoughts, bathing my senses in delicious expectation, and I involuntarily lick my dried lips. The lunch time pill is just over one hour away. Patience really _is_ a virtue.

My internal clock proves to be accurate when, not a minute later, my ears perceive the familiar heavy foot falls of one of the guards trudging down the hallway. The lighter, metallic sound of jangling keys accompanies this authoritative march, and within seconds a stocky, uniformed guard comes into view, his arm lifted to unlock the heavy bolt that secures the boy in his cell. When the guard slides a section of the metal bars aside, he doesn’t have to say a word to the prisoner, because the boy gets up robotically from his cot, walks through the temporary doorway, and holds his wrists out to be handcuffed. I silently wonder how many times he has been through this routine.

When the handcuffs are fastened, the guard steps behind the boy. Knowing this to be his signal to begin walking, the boy moves forward in the direction of the laboratory down the hall. The guard falls into step behind him and the pair disappear from view.

As I sit there in my cell, waiting for my turn, a sudden, sharp pain tears through my head, and I groan quietly, squeezing my eyes shut. The agony subsides for a moment, and in those few seconds, several fleeting, worried thoughts enter my head, catching me off-guard. Why am I so obsessed with getting this pill? How long have I been here? Why am I here? I feel so unsure of anything…

Then the pain disappears just as quickly as it came, and my questions dissipate into the stale air of the room. I do my best to settle myself comfortably on my cot and see how accurately I can time out thirty minutes in my head.

. . .

“Okay, now take some deep breaths for me. That’s it.” The nurse presses a stethoscope to both sides of my chest and then to the four corners of my back, her manner very capable and methodical. When this task is finished, she pulls the stethoscope from her ears and tells me to pull up my sleeve so she can measure my blood pressure.

The laboratory looks just the same as it did yesterday. Cream-colored tiles extend from one end of the rectangular room to the other, and four windowless cinderblock walls rise up to meet a cement ceiling that is adorned with several rows of fluorescent lights. At the opposite end of the room are three doors that lead into separate rooms; I am only familiar with the interior of one of these rooms. Throughout the laboratory are several counters, cabinets, sinks, and pieces of medical equipment. There are two clinical beds positioned along one side of the room, and I am currently seated on one of them, waiting for all of my vitals to be taken so I can move on to the next step of testing.

The stillness of the large room is disrupted by the sound of Velcro tearing as the nurse removes the blood pressure sleeve from my arm. She pauses to record something on a clipboard that’s resting on a nearby counter, and then she picks up a thermometer.

“Last thing, temperature,” she says matter-of-factly, pulling one of her blue Latex gloves a little farther down her wrist. The elastic fabric snaps into place. I dutifully open my mouth and lift my tongue so that she can place the thermometer inside.

While we wait for the telltale beep, I stare across the room at a tall, slim man dressed in a long white lab coat who is standing with his back leaning against the wall. He’s wearing glasses and looking down at a clipboard in his hands. He must feel my eyes on him because he lifts his head slightly and meets my gaze. Then he quickly looks back down and readjusts his glasses. From my past assessments in this laboratory, I’ve always assumed this man to be chronically nervous.

The thermometer beeps, and the nurse pulls the device from my mouth. When she looks at it, she seems satisfied by what she sees.

“Alright,” she nods, “you can head over to Dr. Middleton for cognitive testing.”

“Thank you,” I say, and then get up from my seat, the wax paper on the bed crinkling when I do so.

As I make my way to the other side of the room, I hear the nurse call from behind me, “All normal, Doctor.”

An overweight man who is sitting in a swivel chair in the opposite corner of the room pushes away from his desk and spins to face the nurse. “Thank you, Val,” he says across the room, smiling past me to reveal gleaming teeth under a walrus moustache. Dr. Middleton stands up as I approach his area of the lab, and I can’t help but think that his swivel chair must be sighing in relief at the sudden alleviation of so much weight. As he rolls down the white sleeves of his lab coat, he gestures for me to take a seat in what looks like a dentist’s chair.

I do so and wait while the doctor washes his hands at a nearby sink.

“Who do we have here, Richard?” Dr. Middleton asks, glancing over at the tall, nervous-looking man I’d previously been observing.

The doctor called Richard looks up quickly at his partner and then begins frantically perusing the clipboard in front of him. “Um…we have—we have AQ-15, sir,” he says quietly, bowing his head slightly.

“AQ-15…” Dr. Middleton repeats as he pulls on a fresh pair of latex gloves that seem to strain to fit over his fleshy hands. He moves back to his swivel chair and eases himself down, ending the chair’s brief reprieve. “Alright, let’s hook you up then, AQ-15.” He rolls across the floor to an area behind my chair, where a large cabinet containing a variety of medical equipment is located. The sound of rummaging starts up from behind me, and not long after the sudden boom of the doctor’s voice behind me makes me jolt in surprise.

“And what dosage is he on?”

Once more, the doctor called Richard searches his clipboard anxiously, his entire being exuding uneasy restlessness. “Level th-three.”

Dr. Middleton rolls out from behind my chair and appears in my field of vision again, this time holding several wires in his hands.

“Thank you, Rich,” he says. Then he directs his attention on me. “Okay, AQ-15, you know the drill, eh? I’ll just be placing these on your scalp. Hold still.”

I nod. I know the drill.

As the doctor sticks the electrodes on my head, I watch as Richard steps forward from his position by the wall and comes to stand along the other side of my chair. The nervous man pulls out a computer screen from behind me, one that appears to be attached via a long metal arm to the equipment behind my head, and positions the screen so that it’s about two feet away from my face.

Dr. Middleton chuckles to himself as he finishes placing the last adhesive electrode on my scalp. “I remember seeing you when you first came here, AQ-15,” he mumbles, shaking his head. “You had quite the head of hair. Ha! Good thing we had it shaved off or I’d never be able to get these little suckers to stick.”

I try for a smile, but for some reason I don’t find his words humorous. Richard doesn’t either, it seems.

“Okay, let me finish setting up, here,” Dr. Middleton says, rolling behind me to boot up the brain imaging equipment, to which my electrodes are connected. After a moment, I hear the doctor give a final click of his computer mouse.

He rolls back into my field of vision and hands me two joystick controls to hold, one for each hand. “Let’s begin.”

The next ten minutes are spent with both doctors at my sides, one seated, one standing, both carefully observing my responses to various stimuli that are presented on the computer screen before me. This is the cognitive testing portion of my lab assessment. My memory, language, spatial-visual processing, and recognition abilities are tested by a variety of questions and simple tasks on the screen, which I answer and complete with the joysticks in my hands. The electrodes on my scalp record my brain activity and project this data on the larger computer screen behind me, which both doctors frequently study throughout the procedure.

I breeze through the entirety of the cognitive assessment until I come to the final portion of the test, which requires me to sort twelve colors into the simple categories of “good” or “bad” using the joystick controls. The button in my right hand represents “good,” while the one in my left means “bad.” I am told by Dr. Middleton that I will be evaluated based on my accuracy and my response times.

The computer screen in front of me lights up with the color orange. As if by instinct, my left thumb squeezes down on the joystick button. Orange is “bad.” A check mark appears on the screen and disappears.

The screen changes to light blue. Good. Another check mark.

Violet. Bad. Check mark.

I continue through the test in this manner, a bit surprised by how accurately and quickly I am able to respond. It is as though my subconscious has taken over in this task, and though I am unsure of how this is possible, I surrender myself to my instinctual ability.

And then the color green appears on the screen, and for the first time in this whole lab assessment, I hesitate. I wait for my subconscious to kick in, to provide me with the answer to whether this color is labeled as “good” or “bad.” But I’m stuck. I close my eyes briefly and try to think in the darkness. A flicker of something suddenly stirs in my peripheral vision. I can’t make out what it is, but it feels…happy. And warm.

My right thumb presses down to select “good.” A large black X appears on the screen, and I feel shocked and embarrassed by my error. I move my eyes from the screen and ashamedly glance over at Dr. Middleton, who’s looking up at Richard with an unreadable expression on his face.

Then the next color appears on the screen, and the doctors direct me to face forward again.

. . .

The final ten-minute segment of my time in the laboratory involves passing through one of the three doors that’s located at the opposite end of the room for a brief “counseling session.” As Dr. Middleton is removing the electrodes from my scalp, a short, older man with kind eyes appears in the doorway of the counseling room and smiles at me from across the lab. I lift the corners of my mouth. The man’s smile is the first one I’ve seen around here that seems genuine.

After another moment, I feel a hand pat twice on my shoulder. “Alright, then,” Dr. Middleton says, “go over to see Dr. Golding for your last ten minutes.”

I rise gratefully from my chair and walk across the room to Dr. Golding, who beckons me inside his counseling room with his warm smile. The room’s interior is markedly different from the laboratory outside. The space is small, yet cozy, with two large, plush chairs situated on a thick maroon-colored rug and a wooden desk in the corner that is decorated with what appear to be a multitude of family photos. Another corner boasts a towering bookshelf with all sorts of literature stacked on its wooden tiers. Several lamps are positioned throughout the room, lending a warmer glow than the sterile lighting out in the lab. The walls are decorated with a variety of vibrant paintings that seem to showcase all the colors of the rainbow.

All in all, the atmosphere of the room brings me immediate comfort, as does Dr. Golding’s presence. The older man seems to have a perpetual aura of calmness and gentility floating about him.

Dr. Golding closes the door, leaving the two of us alone inside his office.

“Please, Harry, take a seat,” he says, gesturing to one of the plush chairs.

That’s another thing I like about Dr. Golding. He is the only person in this place that calls me by my real name. If he hadn’t been doing this each day, I am certain I would’ve forgotten what my name was by this point.

I settle myself into one of the soft chairs and look up at the psychologist expectantly, ready for my brief counseling session.

“How are you, Harry?” he asks me calmly, never once letting his gaze waver from my face as he reaches for a clipboard on his desk and sits down in the plush chair facing mine.

I want so desperately to please him with a well-thought-out, emotionally expressive answer, but I stare at him blankly. My brain suddenly feels so empty.

“I…I’m not sure, Dr. Golding,” I say meekly, looking down at my hands in my lap. “I…don’t really know what I think or feel about anything right now.” I lift my head to look at the psychologist, who is nodding in apparent understanding.

“And how does that make you feel, Harry? Are you frustrated by this?”

I take a moment to think before responding. “No,” I reply, trying to be as honest as possible. “I’m not frustrated by it. But I think I wish I was. Does that make sense?”

Dr. Golding is looking at me with what I perceive to be…pity? Or sadness? I’m not sure.

“Yes, I think I understand,” he says, nodding slowly.

He writes down something on his clipboard and then looks back up at me. “Do you know how long you’ve been here, Harry?”

His inquiry enters my ear canal and then bounces off the insides of my skull, finding complete emptiness inside. I shake my head. “I’m sorry, no.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” Dr. Golding responds with calm but deliberate conviction. He writes something else on his clipboard and then asks, “Is there anything at all that is troubling you, Harry? Anything you want to talk to me about?”

I wish I could offer a substantial answer to at least one of these questions, but I really can’t find anything to say. Then I look past Dr. Golding’s head and notice a painting on the far wall of the room depicting a landscape that is composed of seemingly countless shades of green. I suddenly recall my odd experience just minutes before during the color sorting task, when I’d been unsure about the color green’s classification as “good” or “bad.”

Enthused that I’ve thought of something meaningful to share with Dr. Golding, I relate my experience, hoping that he’ll offer me an explanation for what happened. He doesn’t, though. He sits in his chair and looks at me with his brow furrowed in thought, his expression unreadable, just like Dr. Middleton’s had been.

“What is it?” I ask. “Is there something wrong with me?”

“No, no, certainly not,” Dr. Golding assures me, shaking his head. “It’s just…curious, is all.”

He glances down at his watch. “Well, Harry, we’ve only got a few minutes left. The last thing I want to do before you go is to show you a picture. I want you to tell me anything you know or feel about that picture, okay?”

I nod, interested.

From his clipboard, Dr. Golding produces a sheet of paper that displays a large, color photograph of a middle-aged woman with dark brown hair and a warm smile. He hands me the paper, and I take it into my hands carefully so I can study the features of this woman’s face. I spend a full minute staring at the photo, but no thoughts or feelings surface in my mind. I’m just about to hand the paper back to Dr. Golding and tell him that the photo has no meaning to me when something stirs deep inside me, causing me to look into the woman’s face again, scrutinizing the way her cheekbones curve gracefully around her upturned lips, the way her eyes crinkle slightly at the edges…

“I…” my voice trails off uncertainly. “I feel like I know her…but I don’t know anything about her.”

Dr. Golding nods. “Do you feel anything else when you look at the photo?”

I nod my head slowly. “Yeah, maybe like a warm feeling, or something like that.”

“Good, Harry. Thank you for sharing.” He exhales deeply, and then rises from his chair. “Well, it’s time to say farewell, I’m afraid.”

I get up from my chair and hand him the picture of the woman. “Thank you, Dr. Golding.”

“Until tomorrow, Harry.”

As I start to make my way toward the door, I pause, looking back at the bookshelf in the corner.

“Hey, Dr. Golding?”

He looks up from his clipboard, smiling expectantly. “Yes, Harry?”

“Do you think…do you think maybe you could lend me one of your books?” I stare hungrily at the pages that are stacked on the wooden shelves. “Just for a day, even? I get so bored in my cell, and, well…I think reading something might help me remember things about before I came here. They might help me _feel_ something.”

Dr. Golding is looking at me now with an expression of sorrow, his eyes glistening with a thin film of moisture. He glances up at a security camera that is positioned in one of the corners of the room near the ceiling, and then sighs, shaking his head. “Harry, you know I can’t. The guards will take it away the moment you walk out of this room.”

Disappointment cuts through me, but I nod silently in understanding. “Okay. I just thought I would ask. See you tomorrow, Dr. Golding.” I turn and place my hand on the door handle to see myself out.

“Wait, Harry!” I spin around, and the psychologist walks towards me to place a warm hand on my shoulder. “Perhaps…” he whispers, “…perhaps someday in the future, when you’ve proved your…‘obedience,’ as they like to call it in this place…they might let me give you a book or two.”

I feel a large grin break out across my face, and I nod.

When I re-enter the starkness of the laboratory, I notice that there is a guard standing across the room, waiting to take me back to my cell. I walk across the tiled floor and then lift my bare wrists when I reach him so that I can be handcuffed. It’s almost time for me to get the pill again.

While my handcuffs are being fastened, Richard walks over to us with a clipboard in his hands. Without lifting his gaze from his papers, he begins speaking to me.

“You may notice that your pill will look a bit different at lunch,” he says quietly. “This is a planned change. Do not be alarmed.”

With these succinct words, he nods to the guard and then turns to walk away from us. His message is a surprise to me. I wonder why they are changing my pill?

The guard ushers me through the lab door and out into the hallway, which is silent and echoey. I walk obediently alongside the guard, who keeps one hand on my forearm, and we make our way in the direction of my cell. On the journey, we pass by a set of double doors that contain two small windows showing a staircase leading up. Whenever I am led past these doors, I find myself wondering where the staircase leads.

Only a second after we pass these doors, one of them opens with a sudden whooshing sound, and both the guard and I turn around abruptly to locate the reason for the noise. A man in a crisply-ironed officer’s uniform appears in the hallway and turns to rest his icy blue eyes on me. When our eyes meet, one corner of his mouth lifts. Something stirs inside me when I look at the officer, but it’s not a warm feeling, like I’d felt about the woman in the photograph. This feeling is colder, darker…

Then the officer nods sharply at the guard who’s holding me, and I’m pushed forward so that I’m forced to take my eyes off the man and walk in the direction of my cell.

The sound of murmuring voices floats down the hallway from behind us, and I train my ears as best as I can to hear what they’re saying.

“We—we decided to increase his dosage to level four today, sir.” That must be Richard.

“Good,” a new, unfamiliar voice replies. “Remember, my son is coming to visit soon, so I want our _special_ prisoner to be ready in a week’s time.”


End file.
